Sadness

You know how it is. Saturday is a blissful day. You get some exercise. Do chores around the house. Spend time with family, friends, and/or pets. You go out Saturday night. And then, it’s Sunday morning. And you know that Sunday leads inevitably to Monday. And on Monday that to-do list will rear its head again. Suddenly, you want to bury your head under your pillow and hope it all goes away.

The cloud of dread hanging over you on Sunday evening; the wave of anxious anticipation you feel ahead of a new week; the cold sweat you get thinking about Monday. These feelings have a name: the “Sunday scaries.” From worry to being overwhelmed to straight-up sadness, these feelings are depressingly common. Several factors are thought to cause the Sunday scaries such as economic uncertainty, burnout, fear of losing a job, and reflection on whether working so hard at a job is worthwhile.

LinkedIn surveyed 2,000 U.S. workers and found that 75% experience Sunday scaries. And while it may seem like workers have long-dreaded the end of the weekend, LinkedIn’s research suggests that the extent to which workers currently experience the Sunday scaries is on the rise.

In a New York Times piece “Gen Z Has Regrets,” Jonathan Haidt and co-writer Will Johnson ask if young people wish social media had never existed. Between a third and a half say they do!

Nearly all American teenagers use social media regularly, and they spend an average of nearly five hours a day just on these platforms. 52 percent say social media has benefited their lives, and 29 percent say it has hurt them personally. We have found this pattern…in a wide array of surveys.

We’re not just talking about sad feelings from FOMO or social comparison. We’re talking about a range of documented risks that affect heavy users, including sleep deprivation, body image distortion, depression, anxiety, exposure to content promoting suicide and eating disorders, sexual predation and sextortion, and “problematic use,” which is the term used to describe compulsive overuse that interferes with success in other areas of life.

If any other consumer product was causing serious harm to more than one out of every 10 of its young users, there would be a tidal wave of state and federal legislation to ban or regulate it. In 2020 Sarah Condon said, “We are in the 1920s of cigarettes when it comes to social media.” In 2024, the prognosis seems clear!

Gen Z does not heavily regret the basic communication, storytelling, and information-seeking functions of the internet. If smartphones merely let people text each other, watch movies and search for helpful information, or interesting videos (without algorithms intended to hook users), there would be far less regret and resentment.

Respondents wished these products had never been invented:

Instagram (34 percent)

Facebook (37 percent)

Snapchat (43 percent)

TikTok (47 percent)

X/Twitter (50 percent)

The US is battling an epidemic of sad, anxious young women. Despite the surge in women’s opportunities and freedoms over the past 50 years, it appears they are more depressed than ever. According to Harvard University research, this is particularly apparent in the 18-25 age group, 41% of which are said to suffer anxiety. In addition, the number of women reporting depression increased from 26% in 2017 to over 36% in 2023, according to a Gallup poll.

Dr. Wendy Wang at The Institute for Family Studies, says, “With 20 years under my belt as a sociologist…I believe I have stumbled on one possible explanation for this sea of sadness. It might appear a controversial take: too few women are getting married.”

According to US census data, only 47% of women ages 18 to 55 were married in the US in 2022, compared to 72% in 1970.

Despite the scientific data, social media is doing its part to malign marriage. On TikTok, videos that jokingly depict marriage as a fast route to domestic chores like washing dishes, caring for a newborn baby, and cleaning the house, go viral. As a result, only 24% of women under 30 believe that women who get married and have kids live fuller and happier lives than those who don’t.

But the uncomfortable truth is women who aren't married are worse off, health-wise, compared to their married counterparts. Proven scientific studies have shown that married women are less likely to die from heart disease and have longer lifespans than non-married women.

Marriage is not a cure-it-all magic wand, but the data tell us that the average American woman who is married with children is markedly less lonely and living a more meaningful and joyful life. Surveys show that 40% of married mothers aged under 55 reported that they were 'very happy' with their lives, compared with 22% of single, childfree women.

Admittedly, taking care of children is an exhausting job. But extensive research has shown that the rewards outweigh the negatives.

Editor’s Note: When using this illustration, let’s be mindful of the single women who long to be married, but are not yet, and the wives who would love to have children but have not been able to conceive, and those who have lost children through miscarriage.

Yale psychologist June Gruber has confirmed the many positive physical, social, and psychological benefits of human happiness. But while working at the University of California-Berkeley she also started to see a dark side to happiness—or at least the pursuit of happiness.

In her clinical language she put it this way: “Happiness serves a specific function, and happiness may not always be adaptive” (that is, happiness might not be the most appropriate or helpful response).

Pursuing happiness is not always a good thing. Paradoxically, studies reviewed by Gruber and colleagues in their recent paper show that people who place the highest value on pursuing happiness tend to be less happy and more prone to depression.

Gruber says,

Setting your sights on happiness as the end goal may inadvertently be setting yourself up for disappointment. If you want to live a rich and happy life, it might be better to stop pursuing happiness so aggressively. Instead, engage in meaningful activities especially those that promote deep connections with others, while trying to [accept] your current emotional state, wherever it is.

In May of 2023, over 5,000 Americans were asked “Do you currently have or are you currently being treated for depression?" The study showed that around 24% of women in the U.S. reported currently having or being treated for depression, compared to 11% of men.

These numbers have increased from a similar study in 2017, when 17.6% of women reported currently having or being treated for depression, compared to 9% of men. In six years, the total number of men and women having or being treated for depression increased from 13.5% (2017) to 17.8% (2023).

• According to the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH), 1 in 5 Americans suffer from a mental illness.
• Anxiety disorders are the highest reported mental health issue in the U.S. with 42.5 million Americans claiming to suffer from this illness. (Mental Health America).
• Mental health crises account for 60 million visits to primary care and 6 million ER visits annually. (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention).
• More than 40,000 Americans die annually from suicide, which is the 10th leading cause of death in the U.S.

Editor’s Note: You can view many more mental health statistics here and here.

A California startup claims it has a solution to loneliness. Groundfloor, which began in the Bay Area and will soon open a location in Los Angeles, is a social club with a focus on friendship.

Groundfloor co-founder Jermaine Ijieh says the club provides space for work (meeting rooms and phone booths), wellness (classes, gym space, and meditation circles), and socializing. There are karaoke nights, member-led special interest groups and craft workshops. It’s not aiming to compete with WeWork or elite social clubs, Ijieh says. Instead, he likens it to “an after-school club for kids,” but designed primarily for adults over 30.

“There’s always been an issue once you start to hit this age range,” he says. “We start to lose institutions where we used to build communities, such as places of worship, colleges, offices, schools … Once you leave your 20s, it sort of feels like a social purgatory.”

The pitch is working: Groundfloor’s new location in Los Angeles already has 2,000 would-be members on its waitlist. Perhaps that speaks to the isolation of a city of endless traffic, few pedestrians, and its own scientific scale for loneliness. But the club also has three locations in the San Francisco Bay Area that almost 1,000 people have joined. Those numbers underline the reality of the loneliness crisis, especially when you factor in the club’s price tag: $200 a month.

After so many years of fame, the actress Angelina Jolie has resigned herself to some elements of its bargain. The constant gaze of paparazzi means other people have chosen how they want to see her.

Jolie says, “Since I was young, people liked the part of me that’s pretty tough and maybe a bit wild—that’s the part that I think people enjoy. I’m not the one [who] you want to hear about my pain or my sadness. You know, that’s not entertaining.”

Jolie plans to eventually leave L.A. “I grew up in quite a shallow place,” she says. “Of all the places in the world, Hollywood is not a healthy place. So, you seek authenticity.”

Some experts call it “the new great depression.” Since the rise of social media, depression and feelings of hopelessness have skyrocketed among teens. According to a new poll, nearly half of teens now say they agree with phrases like “I can’t do anything right,” “I do not enjoy life” and “My life is not useful”—roughly twice as many as did just a decade ago.

Psychologist Dr. Jean Twenge says, “These are staggering numbers, just enormous increases, and parents are rightfully very concerned about their children’s mental health.”

The poll, conducted by the University of Michigan is just the latest startling revelation about youth mental health, as rates of teen anxiety and depression have grown.

The number one cause, according to Twenge, is social media and screen time. In fact, rates of teen depressive symptoms have increased massively since the mass popularization of the smartphone in the early 2010. “There’s no question that is the primary cause of the increase in teen depression now,” Twenge said. “It’s by far the largest change in teens’ everyday lives over the past 10 to 12 years. Nothing else even comes close.”

A Gen Z journalist named Rikki Schlott wrote an essay to explain her generation to parents of Gen Z children. She called the essay “her best shot to explain the malaise of my generation.”

Gen Z has inherited a post-hope world, stripped of what matters. Instead, we have been offered a smorgasbord of easy and unsatisfying substitutes. All the things that have traditionally made life worth living — love, community, country, faith, work, and family — have been “debunked.”

“These are the sentiments I hear often from peers”:

• Love — “Monogamy is so outdated.”
• Community — “I have enough friends online.”
• Country — “I’m embarrassed to be an American.”
• Work — “I’m quiet-quitting.”
• Family — “I’m not bringing kids into this melting world.”
• Faith — “My parents are such naive Bible thumpers. By the way, what’s your star sign?”

Everything that matters has been devalued for Zoomers, leaving behind a generation with gaping holes where the foundations of a meaningful life should be. They’re desperately grasping for alternative purpose-making systems, all of which fall short.

I’m not saying all Zoomers should become church-going office drones who churn out babies and never question their country. But our dismal mental health records and the scars on our wrists seem to indicate that becoming faithless digital vagabonds is just not working out for us.

A mere generation ago, “heartbreak” was an overused literary metaphor but not an actual medical event. The first person to recognize it as a genuine condition was a Japanese cardiologist named Hikaru Sato.

In 1990, Dr. Sato identified the curious case of a female patient who displayed the symptoms of a heart attack while testing negative for it. He named it “Takotsubo Syndrome” after noticing that the left ventricle of her heart changed shape during the episode to resemble a takotsubo, a traditional octopus-trap.

A Japanese study in 2001 not only confirmed Sato’s identification of a sudden cardio event that mimics a heart attack but also highlighted the common factor of emotional distress in such patients. It had taken the medical profession 4,000 years to acknowledge what poets had been saying all along: Broken Heart Syndrome is real.

Nowadays, there are protocols for treating the coronary problem diagnosed by Dr. Sato. But although we can cure Broken Heart Syndrome, we still can’t cure a broken heart.

In his article for The Atlantic, David Brooks says that recently he’s been obsessed with the following two questions:

The first is: Why have Americans become so sad? The rising rates of depression have been well publicized, as have the rising deaths of despair from drugs, alcohol, and suicide. But other statistics are similarly troubling. The percentage of people who say they don’t have close friends has increased fourfold since 1990. The share of Americans ages 25 to 54 who weren’t married or living with a romantic partner went up to 38 percent in 2019, from 29 percent in 1990. A record-high 25 percent of 40-year-old Americans have never married. More than half of all Americans say that no one knows them well. The percentage of high-school students who report “persistent feelings of sadness or hopelessness” shot up from 26 percent in 2009 to 44 percent in 2021.

My second, related question is: Why have Americans become so mean? I was recently talking with a restaurant owner who said that he has to eject a customer from his restaurant for rude or cruel behavior once a week—something that never used to happen. A head nurse at a hospital told me that many on her staff are leaving the profession because patients have become so abusive. At the far extreme of meanness, hate crimes rose in 2020 to their highest level in 12 years. Murder rates have been surging, at least until recently. Same with gun sales. Social trust is plummeting. In 2000, two-thirds of American households gave to charity; in 2018, fewer than half did. The words that define our age reek of menace: conspiracy, polarization, mass shootings, trauma, safe spaces.

Brooks concludes: “We’re enmeshed in some sort of emotional, relational, and spiritual crisis, and it undergirds our political dysfunction and the general crisis of our democracy.”

Why are so many young men so angry online?

Men are trailing women in college and in the workplace, fewer of their relationships are leading to marriage, and many men feel masculinity is under attack. When young men turn to places like YouTube and X (formerly Twitter) seeking male solidarity, they often find more rage. “It may look like we have an epidemic of male anger, but under the anger is loneliness and sadness,” says Justin Baldoni, a filmmaker and actor behind Man Enough, a podcast about masculinity.

Often the result is depression, and sometimes worse. The suicide rate among men is about four times higher than that of women, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.

Approximately 65% of men in the US say they’re hesitant to seek professional help for stress, anxiety, or depression, according to a study this month from Cleveland Clinic. And the respondents who expressed such reluctance were twice as likely as other men to spend several hours a day on social media.

The Supreme Court overturned the Professional and Amateur Sports Protection Act in 2018, quickly resulting in 38 states plus Wahsington D.C. jumping at the chance to increase tax revenue. Sports betting has since rocketed into an annual $7.5 billion industry. Men's Health surveyed 1,500 American men of whom placed bets in the last 12 months:

• 61% bet either daily or weekly
• 58% say sports betting has affected their mental health
• 44% say it's difficult to watch a game without feeling the urge to bet
• 20% say it’s destroying their life
• 20% spend 25% of their paycheck on sports betting
• Millennials bet more frequently than any other age group

According to the National Council on Problem Gambling (NCPG), the US is experiencing the largest and fastest expansion of gambling in our nation’s history. According to the NCPG, "As sports betting becomes more and more accessible, the number of people who are likely to develop a gambling addiction will continue to increase.”

Addicted problem-gamblers inevitably face job and home loss, damaged relationships, suicidal thoughts, and legal issues. The average debt accrued is between $55,000 and $90,000. According to Timothy Fong, M.D., codirector of the UCLA gambling-studies program:

There’s a state of gambling withdrawal just like opiate withdrawal or alcohol withdrawal. When you’re not able to gamble or participate in gambling, your body and your brain react to it. It goes through sleeplessness, changes in appetite, sadness, depression, and anxiety.

Delusion and pride cause many gamblers to fall into the snare. Sports bettors specifically often have higher education and income levels. Many perceive the results of their gambling as being determined by their skills and knowledge rather than chance and luck, overestimating their ability to win. This is known as the delusion of expertise and can accelerate … the development of a gambling addiction.

Keith Whyte, executive director of the NCPG, notes that: “We call [gambling addiction] the hidden addiction. There are few, if any, outward physical signs, and it makes it a lot harder to track and detect.”

With Christmas and New Year celebrations behind us, the cold, dark days of January can really get us down. January 16th has been dubbed by experts as the “most depressing day of the year.” But where does the term come from, and what can you do to combat the blues?

The term Blue Monday was coined by psychologist Dr. Cliff Arnall, who worked out a formula to show how the third Monday in January is especially bad. It takes into account factors including the average time for New Year's resolutions to fail, the bad weather, debt, the time since Christmas, and motivational levels.

On average, 1 in 15 people become depressed in winter and suffer from Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD). It is believed that the problem is related to the way that the body responds to light. The main theory suggests that a lack of sunlight may stop a part of the brain called the hypothalamus from working properly. This could impact the production of the hormone melatonin, which makes you feel sleepy. People with SAD produce it in higher levels than normal. The production of serotonin could also be affected, further impacting mood, appetite, sleep, and feelings of depression.

What can you do to feel better? Dr. Arnall said that people should embrace the opportunity to turn over a new leaf. “Whether it's embarking on a new career, meeting new friends, taking up a new hobby or booking a new adventure, January is a great time to make those big decisions.”

A new study found that hospitalizations for pediatric suicidal behavior increased by 163 percent over an 11-year period. According to an article in The New York Times, “The portion of American hospital beds occupied by children with suicidal or self-harming behavior has soared over the course of a decade … The study did not include psychiatric hospitals, or reflect the years of the coronavirus pandemic, suggesting that it is a considerable undercount.”

A doctor quoted in the article lamented, “The hospital ends up being the place you go when all else fails. Could you have nipped it in the bud earlier? That is a systems-of-care problem.” She added, “This is playing itself out in an attention-grabbing way.”

One the study’s co-authors, pointed to “a growing use of social media among children and adolescents and in particular, growing use among younger adolescents,” which she said had been shown to increase symptoms of depression.

Whatever the reason, she added, “we don’t have the magic formula to figure out how to dial this back and make things better.”

Possible Preaching Angle:

Note the crying need for the gospel and for the church, especially considering the quote at the end—“we don’t have the magic formula to figure out how to dial this back and make things better.”

How old should a child be before getting their first cell phone? There’s only one correct answer if you want them to lead happier, more successful lives, says Yale University psychology professor Laurie Santos: “Wait as long as possible. I think the more we can hold off on giving kids technology — the longer, the better.”

A recent report found that children ages 8 to 12 who have phones spend just under five hours a day glued to their phones, and teenagers rack up nearly eight hours of screen time per day. That screen time is seldom used for creative activities like coding or making digital art. Rather, young people spend most of their phone time on social media or watching videos. This is likely to encourage poor mental health—in ways that affect kids differently than adults.

Social media use exposes many kids to cyberbullying, hate speech, and discrimination. Even YouTube videos meant for children can contain malicious, disturbing, or inappropriate content.

Just the sheer number of notifications a child might get from social media—probably more than their parents do—can be overwhelming. Santos says, “Teenagers are getting on the order of 200 notifications from their phones today. These are brains that are forming and trying to pay attention in school [while their phones are going] ding, ding, ding.”

Halting smartphone use for children and young people until they’re in 8th grade comes with benefits, including: Less risk of anxiety and depression, increased quantity and quality of sleep, and more time for physical activity and the outdoors

Parents should also lead by example, Santos adds: “If you’re constantly on your cell phone, it’ll be harder to justify why your child can’t have one. They’re not going to want to do as you say, they’re going to want to do as you do.”

"My husband Jerry was a ginormous presence. Such a happy guy," said his wife, Lori Belum. "He did everything for us. And he just loved Christmas."

The Belums were married in 2010 and had two sons, Benjamin and Sammy. Both boys love playing flag football and their dad loved supporting them even more. But the day after Thanksgiving, right after Benjamin scored the game-winning touchdown, an unbelievable tragedy occurred on the sidelines. Lori said, “Jerry just collapsed ... and that was it. A ruptured aortic dissection is what they called it and it's pretty much instant death."

In many ways, the Belums don't know how to move on. But they did know one way of honoring their beloved husband and father. The Belums took a trip to New York City to see Rockefeller Plaza, something they had planned to do with Jerry just a week prior to his death. And while they were away, neighbors got to work planning something special.

Neighbor Tracy Clancy said, “I think I labeled it 'Project Illumination' in the group chat.” The Belum's exterior Christmas decorations had already been unpacked. Jerry was planning to decorate the day he died. Then the neighbors huddled up to make sure his intentions came to light.

One neighbor said, “We wanted to do what Jerry had previously done to the house. But a little different because you know it can't be the exact same.” So, using a photograph of Jerry's decorations last year, the neighbors completed the house to near-perfection.

And upon returning home from New York, the Belums were shocked. "Who did it?" "Did Santa's helpers come by?" "They might have!" Those voices echoed from the backseat of the car in a video taken upon arrival. And the Belums now have a little more light to guide their way through life without Jerry.

Lori said, “We'll be together on Christmas and talk about him and get through it. It'll be hard, but we'll do it and we'll laugh and we'll cry and you know, we'll be okay. Right?”

In his book Adrift, New York University professor Scott Galloway writes:

We used to be more involved in our communities. In the 1990s most Americans attended some form of religious service, and large numbers got involved in community-based clubs like Rotary and enrolled their kids in team-building programs like the Boy Scouts and Girl Scouts. But over the course of the past 30 years, something's changed. Now fewer than half of Americans go to a church, temple, or mosque, and many of us no longer talk to our neighbors.

Supporting these statements, he offers statistics like these:

Percentage of Americans with church membership in 1990: 68%. In 2020: 47% Percentage of Americans who talked to their neighbors in 2008: 71%. In 2017: 54%

The CDC’s bi-annual Youth Risk Behavior Survey (2023) showed that most teen girls (57%) now say that they experience persistent sadness or hopelessness (up from 36% in 2011), and 30% of teen girls now say that they have seriously considered suicide (up from 19% in 2011). Boys are doing badly too, but their rates of depression and anxiety are not as high, and their increases since 2011 are smaller.

What are the causes behind this concerning trend? It’s complex, but in a thorough overview of hundreds of studies, here’s how researcher Jon Haidt summarizes the data:

There is one giant, obvious, international, and gendered cause: Social media. Instagram was founded in 2010. The iPhone 4 was released then too—the first smartphone with a front-facing camera. In 2012 Facebook bought Instagram, and that’s the year that its user base exploded. By 2015, it was becoming normal for 12-year-old girls to spend hours each day taking selfies, editing selfies, and posting them for friends, enemies, and strangers to comment on, while also spending hours each day scrolling through photos of other girls and fabulously wealthy female celebrities with (seemingly) vastly superior bodies and lives. The hours girls spent each day on Instagram were taken from sleep, exercise, and time with friends and family. What did we think would happen to them?

The General Social Survey asks people to rate their happiness levels. Between 1990 and 2018 the share of Americans who put themselves in the lowest happiness category increased by more than 50 percent. And that was before the pandemic.

The really bad news is abroad. Each year Gallup surveys roughly 150,000 people in over 140 countries about their emotional lives. Experiences of negative emotions—related to stress, sadness, anger, worry, and physical pain—hit a record high in (2021).

Gallup asks people in this survey to rate their lives on a scale from zero to 10, with zero meaning you’re living your worst possible life and 10 meaning you’re living your best. Sixteen years ago, only 1.6 percent of people worldwide rated their life as a zero. As of (2021), the share of people reporting the worst possible lives has more than quadrupled.