Sexual Morality

Over the past few years, Christians have often been warned that we're "on the wrong side of history" in regards to same-sex marriage. Robert P. George, a law professor from Princeton and co-author of What Is Marriage, said:

I do not believe in historical inevitability …. No good cause is permanently lost. So, my advice to supporters of marriage is to stay the course. Do not be discouraged. Do what the pro-life movement did when, in the 1970s, critics said, 'The game is over; you lost; in a few years abortion will be socially accepted and fully integrated into American life ….' Speak the truth in season and out of season …. Keep challenging the arguments of your opponents, always with civility, always in a gracious and loving spirit, but firmly.

If you are told that you are on 'the wrong side of history,' remember that there is no such thing. History is not a deity that sits in judgment. It has no power to determine what is true or false, good or bad, right or wrong. History doesn't have 'wrong' and 'right' sides. Truth does. So, my message to everyone is that our overriding concern should be to be on the right side of truth.

Christian writer and pastor Sam Allberry tells the story of a friend who has a very bizarre spoon in his sugar bowl. It is a bit larger than a teaspoon, but it has a big hole in the middle, so it is unable to carry sugar, salt, cocoa, or pretty much anything for which you would need a teaspoon.

When he has people round, he enjoys watching them try to work out how to use it, and whether they are doing something wrong. Eventually he reveals that it’s an olive spoon, and that it is meant to have a hole in it so that you can drain the liquid as you lift the olive to your mouth.

Allberry relates this story to our sexuality. “You can’t make sense of the way the spoon is without understanding what it’s for.” And then comes the punchline: “It is true of my friend’s olive spoon and it is true of our sexuality.” In other words, you can’t understand God’s biblical commandments for sex until you know God’s design for sex.

For years Becket Cook had a highly successful career as a production designer in the fashion world. During that time, he lived fully engaged as a gay man in Hollywood. Cook said, “I had many boyfriends over the years, attended Pride Parades, and marched in innumerable rallies for gay-marriage equality. My identity as a gay man was immutable, or so I thought.” In 2009, he experienced something extraordinary: a radical encounter with Jesus Christ while attending an evangelical church in Hollywood for the first time.

Cook explained what happened:

I walked into the church a gay atheist and walked out two hours later a born-again Christian, in love with Jesus. I was stunned by this reversal. Since then, I no longer identify as gay but rather choose to be celibate because I believe God’s plan and purpose—revealed in the Bible—is authoritative, true, and good.

Surrendering my sexuality hasn’t been easy. I still struggle with vestiges of same-sex attraction, but denying myself, taking up my cross, and following Jesus is an honor. Any struggles I experience pale in comparison to the joy of a personal relationship with the one who created me and gives my life meaning. My identity is no longer in my sexuality; it’s in Jesus.

But instead of celebrating Cook for his authenticity, when he came out as a Christian to his friends he was met with skepticism and, in some cases, outright hostility. His closest friends abandoned him. His production-design agency in Hollywood dropped him under the most vague and frivolous of pretexts—even though he was one of their top artists.

Cook went on to say:

I’m not complaining or claiming to be a victim. What I gained in Christ is absolutely priceless. Like the apostle Paul, I’m learning to “count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord” (Phil. 3:8). Yes, the loss of close friendships and a lucrative career were harsh, but being in the kingdom of God more than compensates!

Recently, Cook exclaimed to a friend,

I’m the most authentic person you know! In fact, because I’m now who God created me to be; I’m finally authentic. Becoming more and more like Jesus—the truest human who ever lived—is a far more authentic transformation than becoming more and more like whatever “self” my fluid feelings suggest on any given day.

Debra Hirsch experienced a dramatic conversion to faith in Jesus after drug abuse and sex with both men and women. She now holds a Traditional view of sexuality, but has invested herself in ministry to people on the margins of the Christian faith, including those who are gay. Hirsch writes:

I am thankful that Jesus was a single man ... because in him we find the redemption of celibacy, and therefore of singleness. And as many of my dear friends (both gay and straight) are walking the celibate path, this gives them a deeper insight and appreciation of what Jesus experienced.

Stephen R. Holmes says, "To prove that sexual activity is not necessary to a well-lived life, we need to say only one word, 'Jesus.'"

Alain de Botton, an atheist philosopher and the author of Religion for Atheists: A Non-Believer's Guide to the Uses of Religion, made a surprising and entirely biblical observation about the power of sex. He writes:

Sex is not something we can ever expect to feel easily liberated from …. Tame it though we might try, it tends to wreak havoc across our lives; it leads us to destroy our relationships, threatens our productivity, and compels us to stay up too late in nightclubs talking to people whom we don't like but whose exposed midriffs we wish to touch.

Only religions … see [sex] as something potentially dangerous and needing to be guarded against. Perhaps only after killing many hours online at youporn.com can we appreciate that on this one point [Christianity] has got it right: Sex and sexual images can overwhelm our higher rational faculties with depressing ease. [Christians] are often mocked for being prudish, but they wouldn't judge sex to be quite so bad if they didn't also understand that it could be rather wonderful.

Editor's Note: To make this quote more preachable for a Christian "audience" we substituted the words "Christianity" and "Christians" for "religion" and "religions."

Girls, don't have babies before you're ready--and "ready" means being married! Raising children is the hardest work you'll ever do. It's selfish to deny a child its best chances in life. And it's foolish to deny yourself a future.

I remember some years ago watching Phyllis George interview Dallas Cowboys quarterback Roger Staubach. It was a dull interview until Phyllis asked, "Roger, how do you feel when you compare yourself with Joe Namath, who is so sexually active and has a different woman on his arm every time we see him?"

"Phyllis," Roger answered, "I'm sure I'm just as sexually active as Joe. The difference is that all of mine is with one woman."

Touchdown! Roger hit the end zone with that comeback. Real men don't commit adultery. A real man sticks with one woman. Period.

There is no getting away from it: the old Christian rule is "Either marriage, with complete faithfulness to your partner, or else total abstinence." Chastity is the most unpopular of our Christian virtues.