Sexuality

Sometimes journalism is useful for highlighting important trends in human behavior. Other times, however, journalistic coverage of a topic does more to inflate the popularity of an idea because its novelty is sure to attract attention.

According to Washington Post columnist Shadi Hamid, this is exactly what’s been happening surrounding the topic of polyamory. Hamid asked in a recent article:

Is it really popular? Or are people only saying it is. A self-fulfilling prophecy might be at work: Polyamory becomes more widespread because we think it’s already widespread. Norms around sexuality change because we think they’ve changed — even if they haven’t.

Hamid notes an uptick in interest of polyamory from Gen-Z users of dating apps like Tinder and Hinge, and cites depictions of polyamory on streaming sites like Peacock and Max. But just as in regular relationships, fantasy is much easier to maintain than reality. “In this light, polyamory offers both license and a patina of legitimacy to the exploitative sexual desires of some men.”

He also notes that despite adherents’ insistence on the infinite nature of shared love, time management is also a salient issue:

As lived experience, polyamory is difficult and often unsustainable for most mere mortals. Having one partner requires planning. Having multiple partners requires even more, which is why accounts of “polycules” always seem to involve a lot of work, making shared Google calendars an essential tool in the arsenal of love.

Jealousy, like love, is a natural human emotion: If you love someone, how realistic is it that you will want to “share” that person with someone else?... It is no accident, then, that those who try polyamory often come away disillusioned. Only about 30 percent say they would do it again, with many citing as obstacles possessiveness and “difficult to navigate” emotional aspects.

Possible Preaching Angle:

Though offering some helpful insight, this is obviously the worldly viewpoint on sexual relationships. When preaching on sexual faithfulness in marriage we must add the spiritual consequences of adultery, including Hebrews 13:4, “Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.”

As if online dating wasn’t hard enough, now users have to sift through profiles looking for increasingly expansive definitions of what it means to be in a committed relationship. Many people using dating apps are on them looking for “the one.” Increasingly, they’re running into profiles of people looking for a second, third, or fourth.

The monogamists say mainstream dating apps are being inundated with users who are in consensual open relationships, and they’d like them to go find their own app. Others say the apps are for people of all relationship styles and, as long as they’re up front about it, what’s the problem? The profiles clearly state: “ENM.” The letters stand for ethical nonmonogamy and more often than not, aren’t spelled out.

In late 2022, one dating app rolled out the ability for users to designate their “relationship type” at the top of their profile and whether they are monogamous or not, which the company says was a response to the needs of Gen Z.

“Gen Z is the most fluid generation in terms of their sexuality and identity, and they need their relationships—and their dating app as the meeting point—to support their openness to different types of connection,” a Hinge spokesman says.

A 2022 survey of more than 14,000 dating app users globally found that 16% of Americans have recently considered an ethical non-monogamous relationship. And around one-third of Americans describe their ideal relationship as something other than complete monogamy, according to a 2023 YouGov poll.

After celebrating his national championship as the head football coach for the Michigan Wolverines, Jim Harbaugh made a surprise appearance at the March for Life in Washington D.C. Harbaugh truly lives out his pro-life convictions. In 2022, he told ESPN about encouraging his players to come to him if they ever dealt with an unplanned and unwanted pregnancy with a partner. He said he wanted them to know that he’d be happy to raise the baby with his wife.

I’ve told (them) the same thing I tell my kids, boys, the girls, same thing I tell our players, our staff members. I encourage them — if they have a pregnancy that wasn’t planned, to go through with it, go through with it. Let that unborn child be born, and if at that time, you don’t feel like you can care for it, you don’t have the means or the wherewithal, then Sarah and I will take that baby. … We got a big house. We’ll raise that baby.

When asked by the media if it was appropriate for him to share his views on the issue, Harbaugh replied:

We need to talk about it. It’s too big an issue to not give real serious consideration to. What kind of person would you be if you didn’t stand up for what you believe in and didn’t fight tooth and nail for it? I believe in letting the unborn be born.

A Florida mother has sued artificial intelligence chatbot startup Character.AI accusing it of causing her 14-year-old son's suicide in February of 2024. She said he became addicted to the company's service and deeply attached to a chatbot it created.

Megan Garcia is on a mission to raise awareness about the dangers of AI. Garcia maintains that the site’s protocols to protect children are woefully inadequate, and wants to spare other parents from the pain she’s had to endure.

In an interview, Garcia said, “I want them to understand that this is a platform that the designers chose to put out without proper guardrails, safety measures or testing, and it is a product that is designed to keep our kids addicted and to manipulate them.”

Garcia maintains that her son, Sewell Setzer III, had been chatting with an AI chatbot on the platform for months, and that as a result, he’d become more withdrawn and sullen. Sewell eventually quit the JV basketball team during this time.

It was only after confiscating his phone as punishment for misbehavior that Garcia discovered that many of the chatbot’s conversations with her son were sexually explicit. “I don’t think any parent would approve of that,” said Garcia, adding that the discovery was “gut wrenching.”

In the lawsuit, Garcia says that her son had been specifically chatting with it in the moments before he died. In the exchange, Sewell had mentioned considering self-harm, and the chatbot seemed to encourage that desire. Sewell then shot himself with his stepfather's pistol "seconds" later, the lawsuit said.

Garcia said, “There were no suicide pop-up boxes that said, ‘If you need help, please call the suicide crisis hotline.’ None of that. I don’t understand how a product could allow that, where a bot is not only continuing a conversation about self-harm but also prompting it and kind of directing it.”

After the lawsuit was announced, Character.AI announced a sweeping set of changes designed to protect its younger users, a move that Garcia derided as “too little, too late.”

Columnist Peggy Noonan wrote a sobering article based on the work of researcher Jonathan Haidt’s new book The Anxious Generation: How the Great Rewiring of Childhood Is Causing An Epidemic of Mental Illness. Noonan mentions a dark irony raised by Haidt: (Noonan’s words here) “Parents are often physically overprotective of their children out of fear of sexual predators. But those predators have moved online, where it’s easy to find and contact children.”

Then she quotes a section in the book where Haidt includes an essay from a 14-year-old girl:

I was ten years old when I watched porn for the first time. I found myself on Pornhub, which I stumbled across by accident and returned to out of curiosity. The website has no age verification, no ID requirement, not even a prompt asking me if I was over 18. The site is easy to find, impossible to avoid, and has become a frequent rite of passage for kids my age. Where was my mother? In the next room, making sure I was eating nine differently colored fruits and vegetables on the daily.

Rosaria Champagne Butterfield was a leftist lesbian professor, who despised Christians. Then somehow, she became one. She shares her testimony in an issue of CT magazine.

Professor Rosaria Butterfield hated and pitied Christians. She thought Christians and their god Jesus were stupid and pointless. She used her post as a professor of English and women’s studies to advance the allegiances of a leftist lesbian professor. She and her partner shared many vital interests: AIDS activism, children’s health and literacy, and the Unitarian Universalist church.

She began researching the Religious Right and their politics of hatred against queers like her. To do this, she would need to read the Bible, the book she believed had gotten many people off track. She then began her attack by writing an article in the local newspaper about Promise Keepers.

The article generated many rejoinders … some hate mail, others were fan mail. But one letter I received defied this filing system. It was from the pastor of the Syracuse Reformed Presbyterian Church. It was a kind and inquiring letter. Pastor Ken Smith encouraged me to explore the kind of questions I admire: How did you arrive at your interpretations? How do you know you are right? Do you believe in God? Ken didn’t argue with my article; rather, he asked me to defend the presuppositions that undergirded it. I didn’t know how to respond to it, so I threw it away.

Later that night, I fished it out of the recycling bin and put it back on my desk. With the letter, Ken initiated two years of bringing the church to a heathen. Oh, I had seen my share of Bible verses on placards at Gay Pride marches and Christians who mocked me on Gay Pride Day. That is not what Ken did. He did not mock. He engaged. So, when his letter invited me to get together for dinner, I accepted. Surely this will be good for my research.

Something else happened. Ken and his wife, Floy, and I became friends. They entered my world. They met my friends. We talked openly about sexuality and politics. They did not act as if such conversations were polluting them. When we ate together, Ken prayed in a way I had never heard before. His prayers were intimate. Vulnerable. He repented of his sin in front of me. He thanked God for all things. Ken’s God was holy and firm, yet full of mercy.

I started reading the Bible. I read the way a glutton devours. I read it many times that first year. At a dinner gathering my transgendered friend J cornered me in the kitchen. She warned, “This Bible reading is changing you, Rosaria.” With tremors, I whispered, “J, what if it is true? What if Jesus is a real and risen Lord? What if we are all in trouble?”

I continued reading the Bible, all the while fighting the idea that it was inspired. Then, one Sunday morning, I … sat in a pew at the Syracuse Reformed Presbyterian Church. Conspicuous with my butch haircut, I reminded myself that I came to meet God, not fit in. The image that came in like waves, of me and everyone I loved suffering in hell, gripped me in its teeth.

Then, one ordinary day, I came to Jesus. Jesus triumphed. And I was a broken mess. Conversion was a train wreck. I did not want to lose everything that I loved. But the voice of God sang a sanguine love song in the rubble of my world. I weakly believed that if Jesus could conquer death, he could make right my world. I rested in private peace, then community, and today in the shelter of a covenant family, where one calls me “wife” and many call me “mother.”

Editor’s Note: Rosaria Champagne Butterfield is the author of The Secret Thoughts of an Unlikely Convert (Crown & Covenant). She lives with her family in Durham, North Carolina, where her husband pastors the First Reformed Presbyterian Church of Durham.

A nine-year-old boy asked ChatGPT, “Is yo' mama so dumb that when she went to sleep, she put a ruler behind her pillow to see how long she slept?” The chatbot replied, “I'm sorry, but as an AI language model I don't have a ‘mama’ or the ability to feel insulted.”

The nine-year-old's real mom, journalist Linda McRobbie, was disturbed by her son's rude question. She’s not alone. Researchers estimate 54% of all conversations with chatbots contain profanity (often directed at the bot) and 65% contain sexual language. In 2019, about 30% of conversations with Mitsuku, an advanced chatbot contained abusive or sexually harassing language.

We might rationalize that a chatbot is just a thing with no feelings. So, what's the big deal about rudeness? Several things.

One is that part of our brains register our conversation with a chatbot as a social interaction with another person. When we hear the chatbot's voice, we think it's a real person, according to technology researchers.

Secondly, these AI assistants are designed to learn from our interactions with them. Our foul or abusive language may be training Alexa to talk back to us the same way.

Thirdly, we're training ourselves. Author and MIT professor, Sherry Turkle, who studies our relationship with technology says, "Abusing ... Siri, Replika (and other chatbots) coarsens us, not because the chatbots have feelings, but because we do." Forty years of research suggests that “venting” rage even at an inanimate object doesn't reduce anger. It just helps us rehearse it. There's even evidence that how we talk to our chatbots could start to shape our interactions with people.

The moral might be: “Be kind to thy chatbot because you’re practicing human relations.”

Christian writer and pastor Sam Allberry tells the story of a friend who has a very bizarre spoon in his sugar bowl. It is a bit larger than a teaspoon, but it has a big hole in the middle, so it is unable to carry sugar, salt, cocoa, or pretty much anything for which you would need a teaspoon.

When he has people round, he enjoys watching them try to work out how to use it, and whether they are doing something wrong. Eventually he reveals that it’s an olive spoon, and that it is meant to have a hole in it so that you can drain the liquid as you lift the olive to your mouth.

Allberry relates this story to our sexuality. “You can’t make sense of the way the spoon is without understanding what it’s for.” And then comes the punchline: “It is true of my friend’s olive spoon and it is true of our sexuality.” In other words, you can’t understand God’s biblical commandments for sex until you know God’s design for sex.

The most recent CDC biannual Youth Risk Behavior Surveillance Survey found that children who identify as part of the LGB community are significantly more likely to undergo serious mental health struggles.

More than half of female high schoolers who identify as bisexual have seriously considered attempting suicide. This is compared to 20 percent of heterosexual female students. A staggering 26 percent of bisexual female students attempted suicide. This is compared to 15 percent of lesbians and eight percent of straight girls.

Among males, bisexuals were 40 percent likely to consider suicide, with the rate being 35 percent among gay teens. This is compared to 10 percent of heterosexual teens who considered suicide. Five percent actually attempted suicide, compared to 20 percent of gay teens and 17 percent of bisexual males.

One researcher said these rates are so high because bisexual students have trouble fitting in with peers, as they can be rejected by both the straight and lesbian communities.

Seventeen percent of evangelical women between the ages of 15 and 44 have had sex with another woman, according to data gathered by the CDC and analyzed by Grove City College sociology professor David Ayers. Among evangelical men, the percentage who’ve had sex with other men hovers around five percent.

Changing attitudes toward same-sex relationships—in the US generally and among older and younger evangelicals specifically—have been well documented. The same-sex experiences and orientation of younger evangelicals, however, have not been widely reported.

The CDC surveyed about 11,300 people about sex, sexual health, and attitudes and preferences. More than 1,800 of those people were evangelical, as defined by their denominational affiliation. Looking at that subset, Ayers was able to determine that roughly one percent of evangelical women identify as lesbian and about five percent say they are bisexual. Among evangelical girls aged 15 to 17, more than 10 percent identify as bi.

Ayers asks,

Why are so many younger evangelical females today open to sex with other women? The simple biblical teaching that all sex outside of marriage between one man and one woman is sinful is hardly secret or subtle …. And yet, among younger people especially, it has been quite a few years since biblical beliefs and practices have been the norm among evangelicals.

Writer Abigail Shrier goes in depth into the serious harm being caused to American pre-teen and teenage girls in her book Irreversible Damage: The Transgender Craze Seducing Our Daughters. Numerous interviews of girls who desire to transition reveal some of the causes are not just uncertainty with their gender, which is experienced by many and soon outgrown.

The other primary causes she lists are:

• Low self-esteem because of impossible beauty standards.
• Depression and anxiety.
• The postings of cool social media influencers who advocates passionately for kids to choose to transgender at any sign of ambivalence.
• General media pro-transgender advocacy.

Surprisingly, a large part of the problem is excessively coddling parents who give their young daughters no reason or opportunity to rebel. She wonders:

Whether this transgender craze isn't partially the result of over-parented, coddled kids desperate to stake out territory for rebellion. Whether it is no coincidence that so many of these kids come from upper middle-class white families, seeking cover in a minority identity? Or is it the fact that they overwhelmingly come from progressive families - raised with few walls, they hunt for barriers to knock down.

The teen years are naturally tumultuous. Teens get emotional as they learn and mature. Parents are supposed to set limits. If you have a fight with your teenager, she might be angry with you, but she'll feel the presence of a guardrail. Sometimes, just knowing it's there may be enough. Your teenager may tell you she hates you; she may even believe it. But on a deeper level, some of her need for individuation and rebellion may be satisfied. If you eliminate all conflict through endless agreement and support, it may only encourage her to kick things up a notch.

Modern society has made sex easy and emptied it of its God given meaning. Sex has been redefined as a self-determined commodity that results in frustration and despair.

Author Jonathan Grant argues that this has occurred in five phases:

1. The separation of sex from procreation (through contraception)

2. Then the separation of sex from marriage (with the rise of cohabitation)

3. Then the separation of sex from partnership (as sex becomes temporary and recreational)

4. Next the separation of sex from another person (through the explosion of online pornography)

5. Finally, the separation of sex from our own bodies (through questioning the very categories of “male” and “female.”)

In making sex so easy and individualistic, we have cheapened it and thereby emptied it of its power. We tried to make it simpler, and we ended up making it smaller.

In a kind of “sting operation” on the social media site TikTok, The Wall Street Journal created dozens of automated accounts, also called bots. They set up these bots to understand what TikTok shows young users. These bots, registered as users aged 13 to 15, were turned loose to browse TikTok’s videos. The videos revealed that TikTok can quickly drive minors (and of course adults, too) into “rabbit holes” of content focused on drugs, violence, or sex.

For example, one bot was programmed to dwell on videos with hashtags related to drugs. On its first day on the platform, the account lingered on a video of a young woman walking through the woods, with a caption suggesting she was in search of marijuana.

The next day, the account also watched a video of a marijuana-themed cake. Soon after, the teenager’s feed took an abrupt turn … with the majority of the next thousand videos touting drugs and drug use, including marijuana, psychedelics, and prescription medication. One showed an image of a person exhaling smoke and linked to a website that was “420 friendly” (code for marijuana use) and offered “yummy goodies for all.”

The article concluded that TikTok only needs one important piece of information to figure out what a user wants: The amount of time you linger over a piece of content. Every second you hesitate or re-watch, the app tracks you. Through that one powerful signal, TikTok can learn your most hidden interests and emotions, and drive users of any age deep into rabbit holes of content—in which feeds are heavily dominated by videos about a specific topic or theme. It’s an experience that other social-media companies like YouTube have struggled to stop.

A study published in June of 2022, estimates that nearly 1.64 million people over the age of 13 in the United States identify themselves as transgender, based on an analysis of newly expanded federal health surveys.

The study estimates that about 0.5% of all US adults, (1.3 million people), and about 1.4%, of youth between 13- and 17-years-old (300,000 people), identify as transgender (having a different gender identity than the sex they were assigned at birth).

On “Transgender Day of Visibility” in March, two Biden administration agencies released guidance promoting “gender-affirming” health care for minors. This includes puberty blockers, hormone therapy treatments, and sex reassignment surgery.

One document released by the Health and Human Services’ Office of Population Affairs claimed that “gender-affirming care is crucial to overall health and well-being” for children and adolescents.

A parallel document released by the Administration’s National Child Traumatic Stress Network claimed that providing “gender-affirming” treatment to kids is “neither child maltreatment nor malpractice.”

The executive summary from the study says that there are more "transgender women" than "transgender men."

Of the 1.3 million adults who identify as transgender, 38.5% (515,200) are transgender women, 35.9% (480,000) are transgender men, and 25.6% (341,800) reported they are gender nonconforming.

Research shows transgender individuals are younger on average than the U.S. population. Ages 13 to 17 are more likely to identify as transgender (1.4%) than adults ages 65 or older (0.3%).

Writer, poet, and hip-hop artist Jackie Hill Perry was a lesbian in a loving relationship when she felt God calling her to a different life:

God knew he wouldn’t get my attention in a church. Churches didn’t care too well for people like me. Me, being a gay girl. So God came to my house. As suddenly and randomly as Paul was struck blind on the Damascus Road, I had the unsettling thought that my sin would be “the death of me.”

Prior to that moment, the sin I wore on my sleeve was that of a lesbian: a label I had the courage to give myself at age 17. I liked girls, and I knew it, “But I don’t want to be straight,” I said to God, meaning every single word.

I had grown up in the traditional black church, where sermons were presented in a Mount Sinai kind of way, both loud and heavy. I’d heard the preacher speak for God when he read to us from Romans 1 about God giving his creatures over to the sinful desires of their hearts, which included men and women “exchang[ing] natural sexual relations” for “shameful lusts” toward members of the same sex (v. 26).

So when my thoughts spoke of my sin, which I knew to be a prompting from God and not my subconscious behaving unnaturally. What offended me most was that idea that my sin was to be the death of me. Because if that were true, then surely I would be asked to lay it aside for the sake of life.

I loved my girlfriend too much not to be appalled at the prospect of laying aside not only the way I loved but also who I loved. I loved her, and she loved me—but God loved me more. So much so that he wouldn’t have me going about the rest of my life convinced that a creature’s love was better than a King’s.

Homosexuality might have been my loudest sin, but it was not my only sin. By calling me to himself, he was after my whole heart. When God saves, he saves holistically. That night, I knew that it wasn’t just my lesbianism that had me at odds with God—it was my entire heart

I sat up in my bed and thought deeply about all that was happening in me. Now it seemed as if God was inviting me to know him. To love him. To be in relationship with him. That moment—that epiphany that my sin, left untreated, would be “the death of me”—wasn’t a matter of trying to be straight or even trying to escape hell. No, it was about God positioning himself before my eyes, so that I could finally see that he is everything he says he is—and worthy to be trusted.

In the same Bible where I found condemnation (Rom. 1:18-32), I also found the good news that God loved and died for people like me so that I could live forever (John 3:16). I didn’t need to know much more than that. Without a sermon - I saw Jesus. He was better than everything I’d ever known and more worthy of having everything that I thought was mine to own, including my affections.

Shortly after that pivotal night, I was doing the painful work of breaking up with my girlfriend. Her tears were too loud to listen to without regret. To leave her, our love, made no sense apart from the divine doing of God. Though it was painful, it was better for me to lose her than to lose my soul. “I just gotta live for God now,” I said with a tear-broken voice. A new identity was to come after I hung up.

I had no idea what would come next or how I’d have the power to resist everything I’d once lived for, but I knew that if Jesus was God and if God was mighty to save, then surely, God would be mighty to keep. And 10 years later, he is still keeping this girl godly.

According to an American Family Survey, the percentage of parents who say they have spoken with their children about each topic:

Sex (birds and bees): White Evangelical Parents 66%, All Other Parents 49%

Contraception: White Evangelical Parents 56%, All Other Parents 46%

Consent: White Evangelical Parents 56%, All Other Parents 49%

Sexual Identity: White Evangelical Parents 38%, All Other Parents 42%

A shocking new poll claims that 30% of American women under 25 identify as homosexual, bisexual, or transgender. There is a continuing of “singledom”—a preference for non-married life—among young women in the United States.

Neither the societal shift away from traditional gender roles nor the downstream cultural consequences of that shift are anywhere near complete. Beginning in 2009, for the first time in history, there were more unmarried women in the United States than married ones.

Rod Dreher, writing at The American Conservative says,

We have become a society that no longer values the natural family. And now we have 30 percent of Gen Z women claiming to be sexually uninterested in men. There is nothing remotely normal about that number. It is a sign of a deeply decadent culture — that is, a culture that lacks the wherewithal to survive. The most important thing that a generation can do is produce the next generation. No families, no children, no future.

Andrew Sullivan, a popular mainstream political and societal commentator who identifies as homosexual, isn’t buying the stats. He seems to think they are way out of line and suggestive of openness to “female sexual fluidity.” Sullivan tweeted, “Wild guess: 25 percent bi - meaning female sexual fluidity; 3 percent exclusively lesbian; 1.9 percent trendy trans; 0.1 percent actually trans.”

While the reported statistics about female sexuality are shocking, the rise of “singlehood” is by itself cause for great alarm. Stella Morabito, a senior editor at The Federalist noted, “Any way you look at it, the United States has undergone a seismic shift in marriage culture over the past few decades.”

In a blog post, author Jonathan Van Maren writes:

It wasn’t until I was doing the research for my book The Culture War that I began to come across analyses highlighting a darker aspect of the TV show Friends legacy that I’d never considered. Ashley McGuire of the Institute for Family Studies wrote, “In reality, Friends was a decade-long Hollywood experiment in testing the moral limits of Americans and desensitizing viewers to harmful sexual behavior … the show made a punch line out of casual sex and hookups and portrayed them as consequence-free. No STDS, no trips to the abortion clinic, no staring at their phones waiting for the one-night stand to call. Just a good laugh over the last condom in the apartment and a porn marathon.”

TV sitcoms tell stories; stories have storytellers. The cast and crew of Friends wanted to push the envelope, knowing that TV is a frequently a feedback loop that not only reflects culture but also drives, shapes, and informs it. Friends was the second show on TV to depict a same-sex wedding, decades before the landmark Supreme Court case of Obergefell v. Hodges and a year before Ellen DeGeneres famously came out. Ross Geller’s wife leaves him for a woman and marries her—he walks her down the aisle after her bigoted and homophobic father declines to do so. NBC was braced for a backlash when the episode aired, expecting thousands of angry phone calls. They got only two.