Singles

In the U.S., solo dining reservations have risen 29% over the last two years, according to OpenTable, the restaurant reservation site. They’re also up 18% this year in Germany and 14% in the United Kingdom.

Japan even has a special term for solo dining: “ohitorisama,” which means “alone.” In a recent survey, Japan’s Hot Pepper Gourmet Eating Out Research Institute found that 23% of Japanese people eat out alone, up from 18% in 2018. As a result, many restaurants in Japan and elsewhere are redoing their seating, changing their menus, and adding other special touches to appeal to solo diners. Even so-called family restaurants are increasing counter seats for solitary diners, and restaurants are offering courses with smaller servings so a person eating alone gets a variety of dishes.

OpenTable CEO Debby Soo thinks remote work is one reason for the increase, with diners seeking respites from their home offices. The pandemic also made social interactions less feasible and therefore less important while eating out.

The growth in solo dining also is the result of more people who are living alone. In 2019, the Pew Research Center found that 38% of U.S. adults ages 25 to 54 were living without a partner, up from 29% in 1990. In Japan, single households now make up one-third of the total; that’s expected to climb to 40% by 2040, according to government data.

Increasing interest in solo travel – particularly among travelers ages 55 and over – is also leading to more meals alone.

Possible Preaching Angle:

A time of solitude can be a refreshing break from a busy schedule. But for many people solitude is not a choice. Without putting singles in an embarrassing spotlight, it would be encouraging if church members would diplomatically invite singles to share a homecooked meal, especially during the holidays.

Married people average 30 percentage points more happy than unmarried Americans. So, there’s a lot at stake when one swipes left or right. In an article for The Free Press, Rob Henderson lays out a gaggle of unexpected statistics on the self-selective narrowing of the dating pool that cumulatively suggest something bleak. As dating has become hyper-optimized toward one’s desires, it’s had the effect of making relationships harder. His solution? Stop swiping and settle down:

Previous generations didn’t have many options, so they stuck together through hard times and made it work. Now, abundance (or its illusion on dating apps) has led people to feel less satisfied. People are now more anxious about making a choice and less certain that the one they made was correct.

One classic study found that consumers were more likely to buy a jam when they were presented with six flavors compared to 30. And among those who did make a purchase, the people presented with fewer flavors were more satisfied with their choice.

These two factors — demanding more of your partner and understanding that abundance is not always favorable or desirable — should be a lesson that will guide us toward healthier and more fulfilling relationships. Shutting off the dating apps and reducing our choices will actually give us a greater appetite for love.

Possible Preaching Angle:

Of course, this advice makes a whole lot more sense if one understands love to be self-giving for the benefit of another, as opposed to something like self-fulfillment.

Online dating is so last year.

According to a report, popular dating apps have seen a major dip in usage in 2024, with Tinder losing 600,000 Gen Z users, Hinge shedding 131,000 and Bumble declining by 368,000.

Millennials and older generations seem to be holding steady with these apps, with nearly 1 in 10 adults on at least one dating app. But for Gen Z, they’re increasingly over the limited online options.

“Some analysts speculate that for younger people, particularly gen Z, the novelty of dating apps is wearing off,” Ofcom said in its annual Online Nation report.

According to experts, Gen Z seems to be more interested in meeting people IRL instead of finding them through an app. The idea of a “meet cute,” first popularized in every rom-com ever, has become a growing trend online. Accounts like @MeetCutesNYC, which boasts over a million followers, post videos of the various ways that couples have found each other.

Possible Preaching Angle:

Although in Bible times marriages were most often arranged by the parents, there are examples of “chance meetings” when couples met and fell in love that can be used for today’s singles. Some examples are Moses and Zipporah (Exodus 2:16-22), Jacob and Rachel (Genesis 29:1-14), and Ruth and Boaz (Ruth 1-3).

Canadian professor and researcher, Beverly Fehr conducted a research study on love and commitment. It was very simple. She had two equivalent groups. One group came up with all of the attributes and characteristics of love, while the other group brainstormed all the attributes and characteristics of commitment. She simply then compared the two lists and found that around two-thirds of the words used for commitment were also used for love. What was her conclusion? Commitment is intrinsic to the very notion and concept of love.

But in today’s dating world, people are trying to get love without commitment. Researchers have a new word for this new relationship status—a "Situationship."

Time magazine defines it this way:

Somewhere between great-love and no-strings-attached lies a category of relationship that is emotionally connected but without commitment of future planning. It includes going on dates, having sex, building intimacy, but without a clear objective in mind. Enter situationship.

Situationships are one of the fastest growing relationship trends, which underscores the desire of many singles for an obligation-free relationship. The 2022 Tinder Year in Swipe Report noticed a “49 percent increase in members adding ‘situationships’ to their bios, with young singles saying they prefer situationships as a way to develop a relationship with less pressure.” Although situationships are touted as “more clearly defined than a hook-up,” they still retain tremendous ambiguity with no clarity of commitment, boundaries, or future togetherness.

A chorus of discontent is emerging from the users of several popular dating apps like Hinge, Match, and Bumble. The consensus is that the experience has been gradually declining. Dating apps are not as fun, as easy, or as enjoyable as they used to be.

Which is not to say that they’re not still popular. According to a recent Pew Research Center survey, 10% of people in committed romantic partnerships say they met their partner on a dating app or website.

“Our goal is to make meaningful connections for every single person on our platforms," according to a spokesperson for Match.com. "Our business model is driven by providing users with great experiences, so they champion our brands and their power to form life-changing relationships.”

That statement notwithstanding, it’s hard for an app to develop a dedicated customer base when the most satisfied customers, finding a loving relationship, leave the app behind. Each successful outcome results in the loss of two paying customers.

On the contrary, most apps gain financial success by generating repeat users and maximize their time spent on the platform. This dynamic creates a situation described as “adverse selection,” where the people who spend the most time on dating apps are beset with suspicion from prior bad experiences on the app, making it harder to find meaningful connections. Anyone who remains must either lower their standards or risk engaging with people who are less-than-truthful in their behavior. What results is a less enjoyable experience all around.

Economist George Akerlof says there are solutions to the problem, which often revolve around providing more truthful information to counter dishonest actors. But that would require users on dating apps to share potentially embarrassing details of how or why their previous attempts at relational connection failed.

Alas, when it comes to honest self-reflection and authentic disclosure, there appears to be no app for that.

Possible Preaching Angle:

Long lasting relationships are built on the time-tested biblical principles of honesty, trust, and openness. Any other basis for a relationship will lead to suspicion and heartache.

The number of people who live alone—more than a quarter of all Americans—is on the rise in the US, according to 2020 census data. Single-person households accounted for nearly 28% of all US homes, according to the data. Married couples still accounted for most household types (46%) in America, but that share has steadily declined over the past several decades, the census survey found. In 1990, 55% of all households were made up of married couples.

However, the number of people living alone or with non-related roommates increased at a higher rate than typical family homes—a rise of 12% compared to just 7%. The number of women living in a home with no spouse or partner was significantly greater than the number of men living in a home without a spouse or partner with 35 million to 24 million.

The 2020 census also collected data on the different shares of opposite-sex partners and of same-sex partners for the first time. According to the results, married same-sex couples accounted for 0.5% of all US households and unmarried same-sex couples accounted for nearly 0.4%. The states with higher concentrations of same-sex couples were primarily located along the west coast and in the Northeast. The census doesn’t include information about single queer people or transgender people.

Ree is a single mom trying to navigate the rising cost of living, Ree has been feeling "stressed and upset" most days, with the battle only intensified by personal issues. Ree told Yahoo News Australia she was feeling anxious at the prospect of making ends meet before visiting her local Woolworths store.

However, two strangers' patience while she discarded several items at the checkout because she "couldn't afford" them truly made all the difference. She said, “The lady behind me asked the cashier to ring up everything I had put back because she was going to pay for them for me.”

After thanking the stranger and explaining that payment wasn't necessary, Ree was told the stranger was insistent on buying the discarded items for her. "I explained my situation to her and she said she knew how it felt to not be able to pay for things in the past."

In a time of emotional strife, the stranger's kind act has had a profound impact on Ree—one that she struggles to articulate. When asked what it meant to her, she simply replied with one word: "Everything. From the bottom of my heart thank you for making a truly awful situation so much easier in the moment. I walked out crying."

Possible Preaching Angle:

All of us are spiritually bankrupt with no way to pay our debt of sin. Jesus stepped up and fully paid the price for us (Eph. 1:7; 1 Pet. 2:24; 1 John 2:2).

A recent Aperture video on YouTube effectively portrays the harms and dangers of today's dating apps, especially Tinder:

Maybe the most disastrous thing about dating apps is that we're ultimately commodifying love and that can change the way we view and experience it. When we're attracted to someone, our brain releases the chemical dopamine as a reward response. Online dating apps train us to constantly seek this dopamine hit from attraction or lust. Then when we're with someone we're no longer getting that attraction. We know it can easily be found on an app in our pocket. All we have to do is ghost, deceive or abruptly break up with someone in order to get it again.

Even just looking at an attractive person on your app will give you a hit of dopamine, making loyalty to a lover much less appealing. You get hooked into a reward cycle. It becomes addictive. Just as you get a blip of joy from a like on social media, you get a hit of dopamine from a match on Tinder. It keeps you coming back even if you have found someone worth keeping.

Most of us have been with someone we loved and still questioned whether there was someone better out there. Apps like Tinder exploit this feeling. They overwhelm you with choices, making you feel like you're never making the right one. And so you move on. Back to the phone. Back to the dopamine hits so readily available. As you go on dates and start relationships the app is always dangling that shinier object or human being right in front of you.

Because it's so fast and easy to get a new shot of dopamine by simply opening the app on our phones, we don't give ourselves enough time to get to know a person. The problem with this is that we aren't spending enough time in relationships for our brains to produce oxytocin over those warm cuddly feelings which are more common in long-term relationships. If you've ever been in a long-term loving relationship, you notice how at peace you feel. How when you're with this person everything feels all right with the world. Dating apps are weaning us off this feeling. Dating apps are more dangerous than you think.

You can watch the video here (timestamp: 6 min. 04 sec. to 8 min. 04 sec.).

New Pew Research Center data has found that nowadays, 63% of men under 30 are electively single, up from 51% in 2019—and experts blame erotic alone-time online as a major culprit. Psychologist Fred Rabinowitz “[Young men] are watching a lot of social media, they’re watching a lot of porn, and I think they’re getting a lot of their needs met without having to go out. I think that’s starting to be a habit.”

The new, post-COVID numbers would surely back up previous research that the pandemic has made men prefer an evening alone instead of actually meeting a partner. 50% of single men responded that they are “looking for a committed relationship and/or casual dates,” a decrease compared to 61% four years ago.

But these statistics tell a sadder truth about this generation of men, NYU psych professor Niobe Way said. “We’re in a crisis of connection. Disconnection from ourselves and disconnection from each other. And it’s getting worse.”

Another factor at play might be the interests of women are changing—especially as suitors of the same age are becoming apparently less desirable. [Women would] rather go to brunch with friends than have a horrible date.

But perhaps the largest issue now with young men is that they are more lonely than women, a recent study showed. In the early 1990s, 55% of men were reported to have six or more close friends. That percentage dwindled down to 27% in 2021. Now, 15% of men say they have no close personal friendships.

University of Akron professor Ronald Levant said, “Women form friendships with each other that are emotionally intimate, whereas men do not. Even while not dating, [women] have girlfriends they spend time with and gain emotional support from.”

Twent-eight-year-old Abby has been on dating apps for eight years, bouncing between OkCupid, Bumble, Tinder, eHarmony, Match, WooPlus, Coffee Meets Bagel, and Hinge. A committed user, she can easily spend two or more hours a day piling up matches, messaging back and forth, and planning dates with men who seem promising.

But really, she is just over it all: The swiping, the monotonous getting-to-know-you conversations, and the self-doubt that creeps in when one of her matches fizzles. Not a single long-term relationship has blossomed from her efforts.

Other aspects of the experience weigh on her as well. Abby said she has regularly felt pressured to have sex with others. She is not alone: A 2020 Pew Research Center survey found that 37 percent of online daters said someone continued to contact them after they said they weren’t interested, and 35 percent had received unwanted sexually explicit texts or images.

Yet despite all of it — the time, the tedium, and the safety concerns — Abby feels compelled to keep scrolling, driven by a mix of optimism and the fear that if she logs off, she’ll miss her shot at meeting someone amazing.

“I just feel burned out,” said Abby. “It really is almost like this part-time job.”

The number of homes in America with the traditional “nuclear family” of a married couple with children is now the lowest it has been since 1959, according to Census data. The Census Bureau's count showed that 17.8 percent of the United States' 130 million households featured married parents with children under the age of 18. That's down significantly from over 40 percent in 1970.

There are currently just 23.1 million American homes with those “nuclear families,” which is the fewest since 1959. The average age of a woman at her first marriage is now 28.6 years. In the 1950s and 60s, women typically married at 20.4 years old. The average age for men to marry for the first time in 2021 was 30.4 years old.

Over 37 million adults lived alone in early 2021, up from 33 million in 2011. As far back as 1960, 87 percent of adults lived with a spouse. The percentage of adults living with an unmarried partner also increased, from 7% to 8%.

Historical numbers show adults trending away from marriage. In 2021, 34 percent of those age 15 and older reported never having been married, up from 23 percent in 1950.

Contrary to popular opinion, married couples statistically don't have worse sex than singles, but better. In their groundbreaking study, The Case for Marriage, Linda J. Waite and Maggie Gallagher point out that 40 percent of married people have sex twice a week, compared to 20 percent of single and cohabitating men and women. Over 40 percent of married women said their sex life was emotionally and physically satisfying, compared to about 30 percent of single women. Fifty percent of married men are physically and emotionally content versus 38 percent of cohabitating men.

A survey of sexuality conducted jointly by researchers at State University of New York at Stony Brook and the University of Chicago—called the "most authoritative ever" by U.S. News & World Report—found that of all sexually active people the most physically pleased and emotionally satisfied were married couples. The myth of our culture is that the single life is a life of great sex and the height of pleasure, but this is a lie.

Waite and Gallagher conclude: "Promoting marriage ... will make for a lot more happy men and women. Sex in America reported that married sex beats all else.”

In her book The Significance of Singleness, Christina Hitchcock writes:

A journalist named Kate Bolick wrote an article for The Atlantic magazine looking at attitudes towards single women like her. She noted that many single women still long for marriage and have a fear of lifelong singleness. She says that she experienced "panicked exhaustion" around the age of 36. (She was 39 at the time of the article.) She felt an intense need to marry immediately, even if it meant settling for a less than desirable or "qualified" man. She interviewed several single women in their early 20s. When she asked them if they wanted to get married and if so at what age they all answered "yes" and that they wanted to be married by the age of 27 or 28. She reminded them of her own age (39) and suggested that they could still be single at that age. She asked, "Does that freak you out?" She reports "again they nodded." Then one of the young women "with undisguised alarm" whispered, "I don't think I can bear doing this for that long."

Possible Preaching Angles: This illustration captures the pain and honesty around singleness—for both men and women. But it also highlights the need for a better way to think about singleness, the high view of singleness found in the Bible.

Christianity Today 's Katelyn Beaty has a fantastic article exploring a much-needed angle on same-sex marriage. Beaty claims, "Much of churches' and individual Christians' tacit acceptance and explicit support of same-sex marriage stems from this: We would hate to prevent anyone from receiving the gift of mutual, monogamous sexual companionship …. In subtle and not-so-subtle ways, perhaps local churches have acted as if monogamous sexual unions are the closest icon of heaven in this life." We assume that everyone—gay or straight—must have marriage in order to be a complete human being.

But Beaty argues, ‘Because marriage … is not a guarantee in this life, far less a fundamental right. Rather, it is a gift and a vocation, given to many but not all, it seems …. When it comes to our deepest sexual longings, none of us—married or single, gay or straight—gets what we want. But we who follow the risen Lord, an unmarried man while on this earth, get one guarantee: the promise of a new family, constituted by everyone who calls God Abba.’

I believe most Christians don't subscribe to the legitimacy of singleness. I am convinced that is the reason for so much pain and hurt in the church about that issue. Directly or indirectly, subtly or not so subtly, we have ascribed to the conviction that singles are unfinished business. We say in groups and in private conversations, "Aren't you married yet?"

"What's a nice girl like you doing unmarried?"

"What you need is a good wife."

"Found anybody to date yet?"

"I'm praying the Lord will lead you to a good guy."

"It's too bad he's not married."

Parents say that; relatives say that. Family reunions apparently are notorious for saying those kinds of things. Books and articles are written from a Christian viewpoint that say, "If you will only commit your life to Christ, God will give you a marriage partner." Christ never said that. He said he will lead you to a life of meaning and purpose and fulfillment. He never said he would give you marriage. He's more concerned about other things.

We need to accept the legitimacy of singleness. Simple mathematics say there are more women than men in this world, and there always will be. We need to accept it because there are some people whose circumstances involve singleness, and they have no opportunity to change. Others prefer not to change. We need to accept the legitimacy of singleness primarily because the Bible does. We have not read the Bible as carefully as we should about that.