Sons

Yet another study shows what should be obvious: teenagers need to spend time with dad. The study tracked over 200 families and found that time with both parents starts to decrease when kids reach the age of 15. But the University of Pennsylvania study also found that the time teens spend with their dads has critical benefits.

A CNN article stated, "The more time spent alone with their fathers, the higher their self-esteem; the more time with their dads in a group setting, the better their social skills." The article also said that time with mom helps too, but there's just something special about time with dad.

The researchers conjectured that one-on-one time with dad "may develop higher general self-worth [in teenagers] because their fathers go beyond social expectations to devote undivided attention to them."

The message is clear: dads can make a huge difference in their kids' lives.

Over the last 20 years, research has consistently shown that fathers have a unique way of engaging with small children. Horsing around is more common with fathers than it is with mothers, especially as infants grow into toddlers and preschoolers. Studies show vigorous bouncing, lifting, tossing, and chasing take over from more gentle play, and this roughhousing leads to better self-control and school readiness as children turn five. The father’s rough-and-tumble play is also connected to better gross-motor skills in the child, regardless of the father’s income or education level.

A vast study, published in the journal Pediatric Research in the summer of 2023 adds weight to the idea that a father’s hands-on involvement underpins a child’s later ability to self-regulate and problem-solve. A research team from Japan sampled 28,040 children. At intervals of six months, from one month of age to their third birthday, each child’s mother was asked to rate the father’s participation in early child-rearing, including feeding, changing diapers, bathing, dressing, playing at home or outdoors, and putting the child to sleep. Japanese fathers are typically less involved in child-rearing than North American fathers. But when the researchers examined the children’s milestones at age three, they discovered that children whose fathers invested more time in their care showed better gross and fine motor skills, problem solving, and social skills than children whose fathers were not as involved.

There was no difference between the language skills of kids with involved versus aloof fathers. The lead researcher concluded that “the risk of developmental delay in children with highly involved fathers was 24% lower.”

According Deadspin’s sports columnist, Stephen Knox, NBA legend LeBron James may have achieved athletic feats that ordinary men can only dream of, but in one important way he’s just like many other men his age: he’s still an overprotective dad.

LeBron is the father of LeBron “Bronny” James, Jr. A point guard for the University of Southern California Trojans, Bronny has been widely considered a highly touted college basketball prospect for most of his collegiate athletic career. But it’s been unclear how much his visibility is due to hard work, talent due to genetic advantages, or simple nepotism.

This is why James caught some heat online after he responded defensively to the news that the prognosticators of the 2024 ESPN Mock NBA Draft left Bronny off their list, implying that he might need one more year of college basketball before his skill level will make him NBA-ready.

“Can y’all just let a kid be a kid and enjoy college basketball,” LeBron wrote on a recent social media post. “The work and results will ultimately do the talking no matter what he decides to do.”

Critics and skeptics piled on by rightly pointing out that LeBron helped to create the hype that he is now decrying by publicly stating a desire to play with his son in the NBA. Nevertheless, it seems as though Knox is willing to give LeBron the benefit of the doubt regarding his motivations. Knox concluded, “Even an American sports icon can get carried away with parental pride.”

Possible Preaching Angle:

Our Heavenly Father loves us fully and unconditionally; no matter the pressure others put on us or we put on ourselves, God requires us only to faithfully live our calling and trust the outcome into his care.

Louie Anderson had a career that included a slew of small but memorable roles in seminal 1980’s films, such as Flashdance, Quicksilver, Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, and Coming to America. Anderson was always open about his upbringing--a childhood that was marred by his father's alcoholism. He once shared: "One time my dad goes, ‘I hate that guy.’ I go, ‘You don’t even know him.’ He goes, ‘I don’t need to know someone to hate them, Louie.'”

His childhood left him embittered towards his dad, until he learned about his father's life struggles. Louie grew up in a St. Paul housing project as one of 11 children. He said: “My dad had a 10 times harder life than mine." Anderson went on to reveal that when his father was around 10 years old, he and his sister were taken out of their home and placed for adoption. He said “[They were] split up and never saw each other for 50 years. Because ‘put up for adoption’ meant that you were put up in front of a church congregation and families picked you and took you. Imagine being with your sister and having her go one place and you go another.”

This helped Louie understand why his father acted the way he did: "So, I go, I’m sorry, Dad.' Forgiveness was easy for me when I found that out."

Possible Preaching Angle:

Instead of dwelling on what "they" did to you, maybe we should spend time understanding what life struggles led them to act the way they did. Scripture teaches us that living apart from Christ is difficult. We should never be surprised when an unsaved person acts unsaved. Pause and just imagine being in their shoes, going through what they are enduring apart from Christ. Afterwards, we may just find that forgiveness will come.

Harry Chapin’s song “Cat's in the Cradle” topped the US Billboard charts in 1974. The song was so popular it was inducted into the Grammy Hall of Fame in 2011. Over the years there were several movie and TV show references to the song, including three episodes of The Simpsons and That '70s Show. The official YouTube video has 11 million views.

The song has touched many people’s hearts because it is about a father neglecting his son and the consequences as a result. It is based on a poem written by Chapin’s wife Sandy, who would tell reporters after the song became a worldwide hit:

Harry introduced the song at all his concerts by saying, “This is a song my wife wrote to zap me because I wasn't home when our son Josh was born.” I was always kind of amused by that because of the fact that we learn life's lessons too late. We don't learn lessons before the fact. We don't have a child born and then have all this wisdom.

The crux of the song is encapsulated in the lyrics near the end:

I've long since retired, my son's moved away

I called him up just the other day

I said, "I'd like to see you if you don't mind"

He said, "I'd love to, Dad, if I can find the time

You see my new job's a hassle and the kids have the flu

But it's sure nice talking to you, Dad

It's been sure nice talking to you"

And as I hung up the phone it occurred to me

He'd grown up just like me

My boy was just like me

An excellent lyric video to play during sermon is found here.

The song The Living Years by Mike +The Mechanics was released in 1988 and became a worldwide hit. It was nominated for four Grammy awards and was written by the group’s founder Mike Rutherford and songwriter B.A. Robertson. Both had recently lost their father and had regrets of not being closer and expressing personal feelings before their deaths.

Mike Rutherford's father, Crawford, died in England at the age of 80. Mike had been on tour in Chicago and two weeks later flew to England for the funeral. He then flew back to Chicago in time for his next show.

After lots of reflection, Mike realized that he was so wrapped up in his own career during this time that he was neglecting his loved ones, especially his dad. His father had been a captain in the Royal Navy, but hadn’t discussed his time fighting in World War II and Korea. He wrote his memoirs, but they were never published. When Mike discovered them, he learned a great deal about the man and once again felt regret over not spending more time with him.

Over the years many people have written to Rutherford saying the song inspired them to get back in touch with their father.

Part of the lyrics are:

I wasn't there that morning

When my Father passed away

I didn't get to tell him

All the things I had to say

I think I caught his spirit

Later that same year

I'm sure I heard his echo

In my baby's new born tears

I just wish I could have told him in the living years

You can watch “The Living Years Official Video” here.

When 72-year-old Randy Long was cleaning out his garage he came across some practice baseballs he used to toss around with his son and grandson. Thinking a new generation of kids might get some use out of them, the senior took them to a local batting cage, where he left them along with a sentimental note that might just bring even the manliest of men to tears:

Hope someone can use some of these baseballs in the batting cages. I found them cleaning my garage. I pitched them to my son and grandson for countless rounds. My son is now 46 y/o and my grandson is 23 y/o. I am 72 and what I won’t give to pitch a couple of buckets to them. They have both moved away. If you are a father cherish these times. You won’t believe how quickly they will be gone.

God bless,

P.S. Give them a hug and tell them you love them every chance you get.

R. Kent Hughes writes:

There are some fathers who are sarcastic and constantly criticize their sons. I think of a certain little boy when I coached soccer. His demeaning father would run up and down the field belittling his boy with words like “chicken” and “woman.” He was the only parent I ever told to be quiet or leave the field.

Winston Churchill had such a father in Lord Randolph Churchill. He did not like the looks of Winston, he did not like his voice, he did not like to be in the same room with his son. He never complimented him—only criticized him. His biographers excerpt young Winston’s letters begging both parents for his father’s attention: “I would rather have been apprenticed as a bricklayer’s mate … it would have been natural … and I (would) have got to know my father …”

Possible Preaching Angle:

Many people grow up with that aching sense of being unloved, because of an absent or dysfunctional father. How glorious it is to be healed by the Father Heart of God.

There is the kind of dad who is stable and consistent, who provides for his family, who wouldn't dream of abandoning or abusing his family—but who never says "I love you."

Bo Jackson is still the only man to be an All-Star player in both baseball and football. Some argue that he is the greatest athlete in history. Maybe so. But that didn't make up for his relationship with his father—or lack of it:

My father has never seen me play a football or baseball game. Not a single one. Can you imagine? Here I am, Bo Jackson, one of the so-called premier athletes in the country, and after the game I'm sitting in the locker room and envying every one of my teammates whose dad would come in and talk, have a drink with them after the game. I never experienced that.

Queen’s guitarist still plays the guitar made for him by his father. It was the early 1960’s and a teenage Brian May wanted an electric guitar. The relatively new instruments were still quite expensive—hundreds of dollars. Well beyond the means of the family’s budget. Brian’s father Harold was an electrical engineer and a hacker of sorts. Harold proposed the two build an electric guitar from scratch as a father-son project. This was the beginning of a two-year odyssey that resulted in the creation of one of the world’s most famous musical instruments.

They began to work on the guitar in August 1963, with the project taking two years to complete. The neck was constructed from a fireplace mantel that a friend was about to throw away. According to May, there are worm holes in the neck of the guitar that he filled with matchsticks.

The body was made from an old table. White plastic shelf edging was applied to the top and bottom edges to protect them from damage. The tremolo system is made from a bicycle saddlebag holder with a plastic knitting needle tip. Various replica models have been made; however, Brian still insists on playing the original, made for him by his father.

Possible Preaching Angle:

As you look at your life, you may see many things that are wrong, could be better, or broken. You may think that God wouldn’t use you, and would pass you by for a disciple who is far more gifted than you. However, Jesus sees you as precious and unique. He will not pass you by, but waits to make unique music with your life, consecrated to him. So, what are you waiting for?

Mr. Clarke felt like he was losing touch with his son Khobe, who was always on his phone. He partly blames himself. He told the BBC, “If there's any addiction that we have today as individuals and as a family, we (the parents) perpetuated it. They're cool devices, but we began to feel like they were controlling us and not vice versa.”

The issue had come to a head a few years before, when Clarke went with his family to a remote ski lodge. The area had no cell reception. Khobe admits that he was angry that he had to go, and miserable because without Snapchat or Instagram, he had no idea what his friends back home were up to.

That got his father thinking about the role technology had come to play in his family life--and about how to fix it. For a long time, he had dreamed of travelling across Mongolia on a bike. Why not do it with his son? It wasn't an automatic hit. Khobe says, “I said ‘no’ pretty quickly. But it kind of turned into this fun idea … it became such a thing of preparation that it was very exciting to go do it.”

Over the course of the next month they travelled more than 1,367 miles across Mongolia by motorbike, horse, and camel. Khobe said, “I think the whole time I was pretty consumed by missing my phone. What am I going to do, look at the stars and twiddle my thumbs?” But he also says getting to know his dad was worth it, especially the time they spent off the road in their tents or yurts just cooking and bonding. Khobe said, “I was surprised that when he's away from a work environment and family that he acts maybe closer to my age.”

Possible Preaching Angle:

Father’s Day; Parenting; Technology – You don't have to go to the other side of the world just to bond with your children. Parents can plan activities during the week, and especially on vacation, that are screen-free times. Take your children on walks, play a board game, or watch a movie together. It is also important for parents to model screen-free behavior for their children and spend unplugged time with them giving them focused attention.

Some dads like to build soap box derby cars with their sons. But Sterling Backus and his eleven-year-old son Xander had something more ambitious in mind: a full-scale Lamborghini Aventador.

Xander says he got the idea from driving the car in an Xbox racing game. Backus is a physicist with extensive experience using 3-D printers. He is building the Italian supercar with 3D-printed parts made from specs from a replica toy. Backus said, “These were all individually printed and then glued together.” The Backus clan has been at it for nearly two years, with Xander’s sisters helping to pitch in. The process includes not only printing the pieces, but wrapping them in carbon fiber and coating them with epoxy.

An Aventador SVJ typically costs about $600,000. Their homegrown replica is likely to top out at $20,000, less than the cost of a brand-new full-size sedan. All it will need is a VIN to be street legal.

Backus expects to turn heads at the school drop-off line. But his real motivation is not jealousy, but inspiration--to spark more kids’ interest in math, science, and engineering. Xander said, “You may hate math or … science … and you may not like art, but it all comes together with this one project.”

Potential Preaching Angles: Just as Jesus participated with the Father during the holy act of creation, so we have a chance to participate with God in his activity throughout the world.

Todd Wilson writes in "The Gift of the Son: Everlasting Father”:

God is the creator and sustainer and judge of humanity. But the Bible wants us to understand that he is not the Father of everyone. He only becomes our Father when we stand in a unique relationship to him.

Sometimes my kids will slip up or, for fun, call me by my first name: "Todd," they'll say. Of course, they do it in jest, not with disrespect. But I'm always eager to correct them just the same. "Why is it such a big deal to call you by your first name?" they will ask me. "Well, it's not," I say in response. "It's just that you don't want me to start treating you as though you only know me as Todd. You want me, you need me, to be dad or father, not Todd. Friends call me Todd. But I wouldn't die for most of my friends. I'd die for you. So you call me dad or father."

None of us has a right, by virtue of birth, to call God our Father. Only one person has that right: Jesus Christ. In fact, only through Jesus do we learn to call God "Father"; only through Jesus can we call God our Father. You can't have the fatherhood of God without embracing the Son-ship of Jesus.

A Craiglist ad gained internet fame after a group of friends in their twenties posted a request for a "generic" dad to barbecue burgers and hot dogs at an outdoor party. The ad listed several "dad-like" activities as desirable, including "grilling hamburgers and hotdogs … refer[ing] to all attendees as 'Big Guy,' 'Chief,' 'Sport,' 'Champ,' etc." and "talk[ing] about dad things, like lawnmowers, building your own deck, Jimmy Buffet, etc." Additional requirements included a minimum of 18 years' experience as a father, 10 years' experience grilling, and a preferred name of Bill, Randy, or Dave. After the ad went viral, the group of organizers said that their new hope was to have Bill Murray respond to the ad.

Potential Preaching Angles: Our perfect heavenly Father is anything but "generic," and always stands ready to respond to the needs and desires of his children.

There's a story that has been told from Civil War days before America's slaves were freed, about a northerner who went to a slave auction and purchased a young slave girl. As they walked away from the auction, the man turned to the girl and told her, "You're free."

With amazement she responded, "You mean, I'm free to do whatever I want?"

"Yes," he said.

"And to say whatever I want to say?"

"Yes, anything."

"And to be whatever I want to be?"

"Yep."

"And even go wherever I want to go?"

"Yes," he answered with a smile. "You're free to go wherever you'd like."

She looked at him intently and replied, "Then I will go with you."

Being completely conformed to the likeness of God's Son is something that we look forward to in the future, although the transformation is happening now gradually. Being adopted among many brothers is something that we have now. The minute you become a Christian, you have intimacy of relationship. You have an unconditional relationship. You become wealthy, because everything that Jesus Christ has accomplished is transferred to you. You become beautiful and spiritually rich in him.

Some people are put off by Paul's language of adoption because it's gender insensitive. They argue, "Wouldn't it be better to say that we become sons and daughters of God?" It would, but that misses the whole point. Some time ago, a woman helped me understand this. She was raised in a non-Western family from a very traditional culture. There was only one son in the family, and it was understood in her culture that he would receive most of the family's provisions and honor. In essence, they said, "He's the son; you're just a girl." That's just the way it was.

One day she was studying a passage on adoption in Paul's writings. She suddenly realized that the apostle was making a revolutionary claim. Paul lived in a traditional culture just like she did. He was living in a place where daughters were second-class citizens. When Paul said—out of his own traditional culture—that we are all sons in Christ, he was saying that there are no second-class citizens in God's family. When you give your life to Christ and become a Christian, you receive all the benefits a son enjoys in a traditional culture. As a white male, I've never been excluded like that. As a result, I didn't see the sweetness of this welcome. I didn't recognize all the beauty of God's subversive and revolutionary promise that raises us to the highest honor by adopting us as his sons.

Our adoption means we are loved like Christ is loved. We are honored like he is honored—every one of us—no matter what. Your circumstances cannot hinder or threaten that promise. In fact, your bad circumstances will only help you understand and even claim the beauty of that promise. The more you live out who you are in Christ, the more you become like him in actuality. Paul is not promising you better life circumstances; he is promising you a far better life. He's promising you a life of greatness. He is promising you a life of joy. He's promising you a life of humility. He's promising you a life of nobility. He's promising you a life that goes on forever.

In the fall of 2002, Rick Garmon's daughter, Katie, became a victim of date rape. She was 18-years-old at the time and a freshman in college. Too humiliated to speak about what had happened—even with her family—Katie switched schools and attempted to move on with her life.

However, the scars of that traumatic event began to fester. Over the next 14 months, she withdrew from her family and friends. She developed an eating disorder and began losing weight. Finally confronted by her mother, Julie, Katie confessed the truth. Fortunately, after a year of fervent prayer and support, Katie was able to overcome the pain and return to a normal life.

Unfortunately, Katie was not the only one struggling with inner-demons during that year. Her father was fighting his own battle against the desire for revenge at any cost. In fact, as soon as he heard the news, Rick Garmon developed a plan to kill the man who had so deeply wounded his daughter:

I pulled back from Julie and everybody else. Get up, go to work, think about the plan, try to forget, go home, try to go to sleep, dream the plan. I plotted to drive through the campus and use my Smith and Wesson .243 caliber, bolt-action rifle…. I'd sit in the parking lot as long as necessary until he walked by. Then I could get it out of my head, and Katie could start eating again.

Katie came home for the weekend two months after the truth came out. It tore me up to see her. She and I didn't talk much anymore. I missed watching the Atlanta Braves with her. I missed laughing with her. I just plain missed her….

Julie tried to tempt her with a great meal on Saturday. Sitting across from Katie, I kept my eyes on my food. It felt as though we lived in a funeral home. The only sounds were clanking of silverware and the clinking of ice. I couldn't take the phoniness. I slammed my chair to the table and took off to my room in the basement. I'd spent a lot of time down there in my getaway room of guns and the sports channel. Methodically, I started cleaning the rifle I'd use.

Then I heard [my son] Thomas trotting downstairs. "Whatcha doing, Dad?" I kept on cleaning and never looked at him. I rocked in my recliner with the gun across my lap.

"Can I help you clean?" I didn't say a word. "You going hunting?" I looked up at him, his eyes so brown they looked almost black, just like mine. He stood inches from my knees. His hair, cut to match a G. I. Joe flattop, just like mine. I kept my gaze on my son and moved the red rag around in circles.

Our eyes met. Thomas's eyes brimmed with tears. He knows. Dear, God. I think my son knows my plan.

I stopped polishing the gun and laid it on the floor by the chair. "Come here, boy. Give your daddy a hug." He wrapped his arms around me tight as a cobra. Thomas's love was somehow stronger than my hatred. His hug began to crumble my rage like a sledgehammer breaking a wall. Chip by chip.

Sweet Jesus, what have I been thinking? My job's not finished. Forgive me. Thomas isn't raised. If I go to jail, he won't have a father. God, help me.

Locking the gun in the cabinet, I made a choice to forgive. God, I gotta let go of this hate. It's killing me. The decision started in my head, not from any feeling. Swallowing back tears, Thomas and I walked upstairs together, my arm on his shoulder.

I came so close.

Researching your family tree can be a fun and rewarding hobby. For one Minnesota man, it was a life-changing experience.

Marty Johnson knew he was the product of two young college students who had a brief affair. Neither parent was prepared to deal with raising a child, so Johnson was given up for adoption and grew up in a loving home in Minnesota. Years later as an adult, he started digging through past records and got in contact with his birth-mother.

Then a letter arrived one day that said, “Welcome to the Ogike dynasty! You come from a noble and prestigious family.” The letter went on to explain that Johnson was the next in line to inherit the position of village chief from his biological father, John Ogike, the current chief of Aboh village in Nigeria.

Johnson flew to Nigeria to meet his new family. He went from having no knowledge about any blood relatives to a noisy celebration in the village. There he was united with brothers and sisters, numerous aunts and uncles, cousins, and of course, his father.

In a similar way, Jesus is God’s wonderful surprise letter declaring that we are his sons, heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ.

Jamie Foxx, the actor portraying Ray Charles in the movie Ray, never had the relationship with his father that he wanted. His biological parents lived 28 miles away in Dallas, Texas, but rarely visited or noted his achievements.

“I passed for more than 1,000 yards, the first quarterback at my high school to do that,” says Foxx. “I was making the Dallas Morning News, and my father never came down. That’s weird. Even to this day—, nothing… but that absence made me angry. It made me want to be something. I said, I’m going to make you look up one day and say, ‘That’s my son’.”

Several years ago, my second son, Steve, tried out for the high school football team. One day he walked into my office and proclaimed with great excitement, "Dad, I made the team!"

I turned and said, "Yeah, but are you starting?" Steve walked away crushed. At the time, Steve was a junior in high school, and I just assumed that he would make the team. I was so preoccupied that I didn't take the time to understand what was important to Steve. As fathers, we need to take time to find out what's important to our children and then make those things our priority and focus.

The apostle Paul compares his ministry to fatherhood: "We dealt with each of you as a father deals with his own children, encouraging, comforting and urging you to live lives worthy of God" (1 Thessalonians 2:11-12). None of this will transpire unless the father is in the house. Make sure you attend their sporting events or drama presentations--whatever is important to them--even though it may mean making a sacrifice and giving up something else you would like to do.