Sympathy

Journalist Simone Ellin, editor of Baltimore Jewish Living magazine Jmore, endured relentless bullying in high school, resulting in “low-grade depression, anxiety and feelings of inadequacy and underachievement that have persisted despite years of therapy.” Decades later, she decided to reconnect with her former classmates—bullies, bystanders, and fellow victims alike.

Through social media, Ellin easily found many of these women, who were surprisingly willing to share their stories. One former bully, reached via Facebook, called and tearfully confessed: “I’m so sorry. I swear I’m not a bad person. I think about what I did to you all the time. I don’t know why I chose you. I had a miserable home life.” Hearing her classmate’s trauma firsthand, Ellin was finally able to forgive her, and hoped the woman could forgive herself, too.

Ellin discovered that even the “popular” girls suffered. “I was surprised to learn that many of the 'popular' girls paid a steep price for maintaining their social standing,” she wrote. One former cheerleader admitted, “The girls in her clique were so mean to each other that she grew up distrusting other women. 'I didn’t have a real female friend until I was 43.'”

Another woman, once bullied, became a bully herself: “I had no way to stand up for myself... I became a bully, and I would kick them with my clogs. I got suspended and I remember thinking, Now I’m the strong one.”

Ellin also reflected on her own actions, regretting times she gossiped or shunned others. “This was crystallized for me when a couple of women I interviewed mentioned that they felt 'invisible' in school.”

Ultimately, Ellin’s project offered healing and perspective: “We can never really know what’s going on in other people’s lives... After decades of hurt and resentment, I now see them as they were—young girls experiencing their own trials and tribulations.”

Research suggests that when we make acts of kindness a habit, it's also good for our health. Whether it's volunteering at a local food bank, or taking soup to a sick neighbor, there's lots of evidence that when we help others, it can boost our own happiness and psychological well-being. But there's also growing research that it boosts our physical health too, says Tara Gruenewald, a psychologist at Chapman University.

Perhaps the most striking evidence comes from the Baltimore Experience Corps trial, a large experiment in which adults age 60 and older were randomly assigned to either volunteer at elementary schools or be put on a waiting list. The volunteers spent at least 15 hours a week tutoring underprivileged kids. After two years, the researchers found that the volunteers had measurable changes in their brain health.

One of the researchers said, "They didn't experience declines in memory and executive function like we saw in our control participants. And there were even changes in brain volume in areas of the brain that support these different cognitive processes.” Volunteers were also more physically active, "which is important for maintaining both cognitive and physical health as folks age.”

Another researcher added, "Volunteering or doing an act of kindness can distract you from some of the problems that you might be having, so you might be a little bit less reactive yourself. And "it may help to give you more perspective on what your own problems are." Also, when you go out to help others, it also makes you more physically active and less lonely. Social isolation is a known risk factor for physical and mental health problems, especially as we age.

At the very least, volunteering will make the world a little bit better place for many others. And we might just make it a little bit better for ourselves.

A pastor and his family on an early morning flight had been delayed for hours and were feeling sleep-deprived and anxious. As the plane landed, another family behind them attempted to exit quickly, with the teenager rushing ahead. The pastor shares:

I stuck my arm into the aisle to block the rest of the family from passing, like I was Gandalf in Lord of the Rings. “None shall pass.” “We’re all trying to get off this plane,” I said to the family, “Let’s wait our turn!”

They had words with me that I cannot share here and pushed past my arm. I was fuming.

As the passenger disembarked, a flight attendant approached, explaining that the teenage girl had been experiencing a panic attack and needed assistance. The family had been trying to help her. The family was not rude; they were desperate.

How did I, a former chaplain trained to notice physiological signs of stress, miss that this young lady needed help? How did I let my core value of courtesy block my capacity to see what was really going on?

I was operating out of assumption and unable to see reality. Rather than see that this young lady needed help getting off the plane, all I could see was a family rudely skipping the line, and I must intervene.

Whether we move toward self-righteousness or self-protection, the common denominator is self. This is what every follower of God has in common: We get caught up in ourselves, we get triggered, we forget others, and we forget the Lord.

Silinia Pha Aphay was sprinting in the preliminary Olympic rounds of the 100-meter dash event, when something unexpected happened.

Aphay, who ran for her native Laos, must have felt a sense of solidarity with the other runners in the preliminary rounds. Alongside sprinters from Turkmenistan, Niger, Paraguay, South Sudan, Palau, and Congo, Aphay was not expected to contend for a medal, but simply to enjoy the prestige of competition and serve as an inspiration to others in her nation.

So, when she crossed the finish line, and heard the crowd reacting in dismay, she immediately turned around and saw one of her competitors, Lucia Moris of South Sudan, laying on the ground in agony. Without pausing, Aphay ran back to console her fellow racer, who was shrieking in pain and holding her right leg.

“We are athletes,” Aphay said. “All 100 meters athletes have to know how being hurt feels. And this is a big competition. It’s a big dream to come here. But you get hurt here. So, everybody knows the feeling.”

Ultimately, Aphay couldn’t do much to physically assist Moris. “Just cry out,” she told Maris. But she stayed with her fallen friend until medics came and placed her on a gurney.

“I can only share her pain.”

Possible Preaching Angle:

When we are present with those who are suffering, we model the love of Jesus, who reached out to the afflicted and downcast.

One can never truly predict the ways in which an act of kindness can reverberate.

When Emelia Epstein heard that her sister Helena was nervous as she prepared to take the Graduate Record Examination (GRE), she knew what she had to do. Emelia had taken the same test three years prior, and wanted to offer to Helena the same words that had given her comfort, calm, and determination back then.

Emilia had received a standard voicemail reminder from the testing agency, “Come confident and well prepared. Miss Emilia, this is what you studied for, this is what you worked hard for.” But the woman didn’t stop there:

Bring your best girl confidence. Bring your best girl magic. It’s called girl power. Girl power is the best power, ain’t nothing better than that! So, put in your head that this is what you want. Don’t come nervous. Because when you have to do something for work, you’re not nervous. ... So just come the same way as if you were coming for work. And just tell yourself, ‘I worked hard for this.’ Other than that, honey, I will see you tomorrow in the afternoon. And come with a smile because I’ll have one already. Have a great evening.

That voicemail had been such a great balm of encouragement for Emelia, that she’d kept it for three years. So, when Helena called her feeling nervous, Emelia shared them with her sister over FaceTime.

Helena said, “I’m not a good test taker. I was feeling stressed and under a lot of pressure. I thought [the voice mail] was so sweet.”

The next morning, Helena decided to share the message of encouragement with her followers on TikTok. Not only did it end up amassing over six million views and 14,000 comments, but sparked an effort to locate the woman who offered those encouraging words, who identified herself only by her first name, Tameka.

Before long, Tameka Rooks heard from a colleague about the viral video. She initially thought she was being pranked, but when she saw the video, she was shocked. “It was just unbelievable,” said Tameka. “And to see that so many people had already seen it by the time I found out! The world knew before I did.”

Helena eventually got Tameka’s contact info, and called her directly to share her appreciation for the encouragement. As part of their conversation, Tameka shared her motivation for sharing those words, which were typical in all her reminder calls, “The goal is to not be nervous. It’s a lot of money [to take the exams]. So, I’m just trying to push you. You might be my next doctor. I might need your help one day.”

A woman in Ohio who threw a burrito bowl at a Chipotle worker and was convicted of assault has been sentenced to an unusual punishment that includes working in fast food for two months.

During a dinner rush and while a restaurant was short-staffed, Emily Russell, then the store manager, said she made and then remade an order for Rosemary Hayne. Ms. Hayne was not satisfied with the final product. In a video shared widely online, she can be seen yelling at Ms. Russell before hurling the burrito bowl at her face.

“I didn’t expect it at all,” Ms. Russell, 26, said. “I just blinked and there was sour cream dripping from my hair.” Eventually, someone called the police, Ms. Russell said. The judge offered her a chance to reduce her sentence, with a catch—60 of her 90 jail days would be suspended if she worked 20 hours a week for eight and a half weeks (or 60 days) at a fast-food restaurant. Ms. Hayne, 39, agreed to take the judge up on his offer, he said. She must complete her time as a fast-food worker by the time she reports to jail.

The sentencing came as a surprise to Ms. Russell. “I thought she was going to get a slap on the wrist, but she didn’t. She is going to get to walk in my shoes,” Ms. Russell said.

Possible Preaching Angle:

That’s one way to learn how to walk in someone else’s shoes, but as followers of Jesus we should always be quicker to extend compassion and forgiveness to others.

In the spring of 2000, a unique library was established in Copenhagen, Denmark. It's called the Menneskebiblioteket, which is Danish for, “The Human Library."

The library is, in the true sense of the word, a library of people. Readers can borrow human beings serving as open books and have conversations they would not normally have access to. Every human book from their bookshelf, represents a group in society that is often subjected to prejudice, stigmatization, or discrimination because of their lifestyle, diagnosis, belief, disability, social status, ethnic origin, and so on.

Instead of checking out a book, you can have a conversation with someone who will share their story of being deaf, blind, autistic, houseless, sexually abused, or bipolar. The mission of the Human Library? To break down stereotypes and prejudices by fostering dialogue. Yes, you can ask these human books questions!

Their motto: "Unjudge someone."

Possible Preaching Angle:

Isn't that what Jesus taught in the Sermon on the Mount? "Do not judge, or you too will be judged." Instead of focusing on the speck of sawdust in someone else's eye, Jesus told us to “take the plank out of our own eye” (Matt. 7:1-5).

"I feel like a monster," Gabriel Marshall said to his dad. Eight-year-old Gabriel had recently undergone surgery to remove a tumor from his brain, and he now bore a conspicuous scar on the side of his head. His dad, Josh, had an idea: he got a tattoo on the side of his head that was in the exact shape of Gabriel's scar. He told Gabriel, "If people want to stare at you, then they can stare at both of us."

A picture of the two sporting their scars eventually won first place in a Father's Day photo competition run by St. Baldrick's Foundation, "an organization dedicated to fighting childhood cancer."

Possible Preaching Angle:

In some ways, their story might remind us of another story: about an empathetic Father, a wounded Son, and scars that were chosen because of love.

In an article in The Atlantic, Derek Thompson explores “How Anxiety Became Content.” He reveals that this new “genre” on social media is surging. The TikTok hashtag #Trauma has more than six billion views and over 5,500 podcasts have the word “trauma” in their title. Thompson suggests that our consumption of such material may be backfiring. He writes:

Darby Saxbe, a clinical psychologist at the University of Southern California, said that for many young people, claiming an anxiety crisis or post-traumatic stress disorder has become like a status symbol. Saxbe said, “I worry that for some people, it’s become an identity marker that makes people feel special and unique. That’s a big problem because this modern idea that anxiety is an identity gives people a fixed mindset, telling them this is who they are and will be in the future.”

On the contrary, she said, therapy works best when patients come into sessions believing that they can get better. That means believing that anxiety is treatable, modifiable, and malleable—all the things a fixed identity is not.

She went on to say, “I’m very pro-therapy. ... But we may have overcorrected from an era when mental health was shameful to talk about to an era when some vulnerable people surround themselves with conversations and media about anxiety and depression. This makes them more vigilant about symptoms and problems, which makes them more likely to problematize normal daily stress. In turn this makes them move toward a (mindset) where they think there is always something wrong with them that needs their attention, which causes them to pull back from social engagement, which causes even more distress and anxiety.”

"My husband Jerry was a ginormous presence. Such a happy guy," said his wife, Lori Belum. "He did everything for us. And he just loved Christmas."

The Belums were married in 2010 and had two sons, Benjamin and Sammy. Both boys love playing flag football and their dad loved supporting them even more. But the day after Thanksgiving, right after Benjamin scored the game-winning touchdown, an unbelievable tragedy occurred on the sidelines. Lori said, “Jerry just collapsed ... and that was it. A ruptured aortic dissection is what they called it and it's pretty much instant death."

In many ways, the Belums don't know how to move on. But they did know one way of honoring their beloved husband and father. The Belums took a trip to New York City to see Rockefeller Plaza, something they had planned to do with Jerry just a week prior to his death. And while they were away, neighbors got to work planning something special.

Neighbor Tracy Clancy said, “I think I labeled it 'Project Illumination' in the group chat.” The Belum's exterior Christmas decorations had already been unpacked. Jerry was planning to decorate the day he died. Then the neighbors huddled up to make sure his intentions came to light.

One neighbor said, “We wanted to do what Jerry had previously done to the house. But a little different because you know it can't be the exact same.” So, using a photograph of Jerry's decorations last year, the neighbors completed the house to near-perfection.

And upon returning home from New York, the Belums were shocked. "Who did it?" "Did Santa's helpers come by?" "They might have!" Those voices echoed from the backseat of the car in a video taken upon arrival. And the Belums now have a little more light to guide their way through life without Jerry.

Lori said, “We'll be together on Christmas and talk about him and get through it. It'll be hard, but we'll do it and we'll laugh and we'll cry and you know, we'll be okay. Right?”

Navy Seal Admiral, William McRaven, talks about an important lesson Seals learn: Think first of others. In an interview with AARP, he said:

I like to tell the story of Sgt. Maj. Chris Faris, my right-hand man in Afghanistan. One day, I did a Zoom call with my doctor, and she told me I’d been diagnosed with cancer. I needed to go back to the States immediately to have my spleen removed and start chemotherapy. She added, “Your military career is probably over.”

When I got back to my office, Chris was there, and he noticed something wasn’t right. After I told him, he said, “OK, boss, we’ve got the morning briefing coming up, and you need to be there. The troops are counting on you.”

So, we did the video teleconference with thousands of our team members around the world. And before I could say anything, Chris asked someone to put up a list of the people who’d been injured in combat the night before. Then he gave me a look, and I knew what it meant. I had a problem, but it paled in comparison to what these young men and women were going through. That was exactly the right thing to tell me at the time. It helped put my minor problem in perspective.

Most people don’t take real estate advice from a drug dealer behind a gas station in North Minneapolis. But Larry Cook, bishop of Real Believers Faith Center, is not most people.

About a year ago he confronted some young men selling narcotics in the alley between his church and the corner store that seemed to do more business in illegal goods than snacks or fuel. Things got heated pretty quickly. Voices were raised.

“The owner don’t care about it,” one of the young men yelled, as Cook and his wife, Sharon, recall the confrontation. “If you want to do something about it, you need to buy the gas station.” “I will,” Cook responded. “I absolutely will.”

What the man selling drugs didn’t know is that Cook had actually been thinking about buying the store for the past 25 years. He believed he was being called and when the time was right, God would expand his ministry to include this sore spot in the neighborhood, the store at the corner of a busy intersection.

North Minneapolis has struggled for a long time. In the 1950s, there was a thriving African American community, with lots of families, churches, and Black-owned businesses. Then there was a wave of white flight, followed by racial unrest that scared away financial investors, and the construction of an interstate that cut Near North off from downtown. Today, the area is marked by instability and poverty.

In the fall of 2022, the store came up for sale, and Cook and his wife put everything they had toward the purchase of the $3 million property. They’ve now reopened it under the name the Lion’s Den, a testament to faith surrounded by danger and their belief that even urban blight can be redeemed.

Sharon Cook said, “This is what Jesus would do. If he was walking in 2023, he would buy this gas station. He would feed the hungry. He would lend a helping hand to the elderly the same way we’re doing.”

Possible Preaching Angle:

Facing poverty, crime, and closing businesses, Christians can look to transform their communities.

Actress Diane Kruger (National Treasure, In The Fade) was once offered a role that required her to play a young wife and mother, experiencing the loss of her husband and child. Since she hadn’t personally experienced such painful losses in her own life, Diane realized that the only way she could prepare herself for the important role, would be to connect with people and groups that were walking through extreme grief and similar experiences.

It is said that initially, she began to offer her own thoughts and responses with those who shared their stories in the groups she attended. However, she gradually realized that it would be far better for her to stop talking, and to start listening with empathy to their stories. That decision brought about a meaningful learning curve that helped her adapt to the role she had to play in the film.

Possible Preaching Angle:

In conversations, how often are we eager to air our thoughts and views without listening to the other person? The Bible however advises us to be careful of the words we speak, and about the importance of being willing to listen to others. James 1:19 says, “My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak.”

An article in The Wall Street Journal noted a new highly prized management skill—empathy. According to the article,

Empathetic leadership has long had corporate disciples. But the concept has become a bigger focus of [corporate leadership] as businesses seek ways to bolster staff worn down by the pandemic’s stresses, or at least show they are trying. Appreciating co-workers’ points of view and understanding their struggles, some executives say, leads to more engaged, happy, and productive staff. Many workers say that is lacking.

For example, the ticketing company Eventbrite Inc. began an empathy-focused leadership development program in 2020 that all managers can take. It includes lessons on active listening, showing vulnerability, and building trust with employees. Cisco Systems Inc. says it is building leader and team-coaching courses that weave in empathy. In one course, participants spend eight hours learning about each others’ strengths and personal styles, as well as how to better understand and trust each other.

Possible Preaching Angles:

Of course, empathy is a good quality, but the Bible and Jesus identified this human need before any management experts did.

Sara Pascucci received a letter in the mail on Febuary 3 scolding her for still having Christmas decorations up. The anonymous letter read: “Take your Christmas lights down! It’s Valentine’s Day!!!!!!” While the letter would have upset her in normal circumstances, Pascucci said, it hit especially hard now. She lost both her father and her aunt to COVID-19 less than one week apart.

Her father, who lived with her, put up the Christmas decorations immediately after Thanksgiving—as he did every year. In the weeks following his death on Jan. 15, Pascucci couldn’t bring herself to take the decorations down. Receiving the harsh letter, she said, was “… a major blow to the heart. No one really knows what is going on inside the house or why we didn’t take down the decorations.”

She shared the letter in the Long Island Moms Facebook group and explained why it was particularly painful, in the hopes that the anonymous sender might see her post. She wrote, “The family has been preoccupied with funeral arrangements, mortgage/utility payments, and just the grieving process of it all. So yes, we haven’t gotten around to taking down his Christmas decorations. Be kind to people because you never know what they are going through.”

The community was outraged on her behalf. Within minutes of her sharing the post, dozens of messages flooded Pascucci’s Facebook inbox. Neighbors sent the Pascucci family heartfelt cards, flowers, meals, and a GoFundMe page was created to help cover mounting mortgage payments and funeral costs.

Beyond the private acts of kindness, what struck Pascucci the most, she said, is that many neighbors started to put their own holiday decorations back up so she wouldn’t feel so alone. Bethpage residents climbed up to their attics and down to their basements to retrieve the decorations they had already stored away for the season. In early February, they redecorated their homes for Christmas.

Although the holiday season is long past, twinkly lights and festive ornaments recently reappeared on the streets of Bethpage, in a show of support for a grieving neighbor.

Lacking the indwelling of the Holy Spirit, modern society is looking for new, innovative ways to help make people more empathetic. Facebook’s Mark Zuckerberg, whose company sells the Oculus VR headset, said of virtual reality (VR): “One of the most powerful features of VR is empathy. By cultivating empathy, VR can raise awareness and help us see what’s happening in different parts of the world.”

The hope and promise of VR is that one day everyone will call it an “empathy machine”:

By creating an immersive and interactive virtual environment, a VR headset can quite literally put you in someone else’s shoes. Text, image, or video offers only partial views of a person’s life. With VR, you can get inside their head. And this high-fidelity simulation, the argument goes, will make us better people by heightening our sensitivity to the suffering of others. It will make us “more compassionate,” “more connected,” and ultimately “more human,” in the words of the VR artist Chris Milk. ... By lending you the eyes and ears of someone suffering, tech helps you to develop a greater sense of responsibility for them. You feel compelled to act. This is connectivity not merely as a technical concept, but a moral one.

This expectation is partially explored in the movie Ready Player Two, released in November, 2020. More advanced VR--actually placed inside the brains of most of the world’s population--has rid the world of crime, disease, addiction, and all forms of prejudice. As one of the film’s characters says: “For the first time in human history, we have technology that gives us the ability to live in someone else’s skin for a little while.”

An unidentified young man is being praised as a “flight angel” after comforting a 96-year-old woman who was nervous about flying by herself for the first time in 15 years. The young man was seated next to the elderly woman, whom he didn’t know, on a Southwest Airlines flight.

According to nearby passenger Megan Ashley, who posted photos of the pair on Facebook, the 96-year-old explained she was going to Kansas City for her birthday to visit her family, but was “scared of flying.”

Ashley said, “She asked for this man’s hand during takeoff and then hugged him again when experiencing turbulence. This gentleman gladly took her hand, let her hold onto him, calmed her by talking to her, and explaining everything that was happening. He was simply there for her. He knew just what to do the entire flight to help.”

She also said that the man went above and beyond even after the flight: He held her bag, helped her get off the plane, and into the wheelchair. When she got confused wondering where her daughter went (whom she called “her sister”), he stayed with her until she caught up with her daughter who got separated from her. This man was her flight angel.

Ashley said she walked away from the flight “sobbing happy tears” at the man’s selfless actions. She wrote in the caption, “Hats off to you sir, for your kind heart and your compassion toward someone whom you’ve never met.”

A homeless man facing criminal charges was given a chance at redemption by looking at life through the perspective of the person he targeted. Harold Eugene Denson III faced two criminal charges for his role in an incident with a Ukrainian immigrant. Denson approached the immigrant, spat in his face, threatened him with a knife, and told him to go back to his own country.

Consequently, he was charged with unlawful use of a weapon and second-degree assault, which is classified as a hate crime under Oregon law. However, by pleading no-contest to both charges, the judge was willing to remove the bias charge if Denson could submit a 500-word essay that focuses on the experiences of Eastern European immigrants.

Multnomah County Judge Christopher Ramras said, “What I am asking you to do is put yourself into their shoes.” Deputy District Attorney Nicole Hermann said she hopes the report helps Denson “better understand many of the struggles and the difficulties that people who come from other countries go through when they move to this country and have lived side by side with people who are sometimes not as friendly or kind as they can be.”

Denson was grateful for the judge’s offer. “I appreciate the opportunity to write a report ... rather than stacking up a charge on my record,”

Potential Preaching Angles: Empathy is not only seeing through someone else’s perspective, but doing so because God loves them just as much as us. We live the mission of Jesus when we can encourage and promote peace through the practice of empathy.

As a veteran comedian and improv actor, Patton Oswalt is known to have a ready retort for anyone heckling or giving him grief. But one particular time, his response caught his antagonist by surprise.

It started with a sarcastic tweet at President Trump. A Trump supporter named Michael Beatty tweeted back in response, lobbing accusations and insults at Oswalt. Out of curiosity, Oswalt began scrolling through Beatty’s Twitter timeline. What he found took him by surprise, which prompted Oswalt to tweet the following admission:

Aw, man. This dude just attacked me on Twitter and I joked back but then I looked at his timeline and he’s in a LOT of trouble health-wise … He’s been dealt some [terrible] cards—let’s deal him some good ones. Click and donate—just like I’m about to.

The link that followed was to a GoFundMe account dedicated to help cover the burgeoning costs of care for Beatty’s health condition, which included diabetes and ketoacidosis. Because of Oswalt’s efforts at donation and promotion, the campaign began trending on social media, and has since exceeded several times over Beatty’s initial goal of $5,000.

Beatty responded to Oswalt with this: “You have humbled me to the point where I can barely compose my words. You have caused me to take pause and reflect on how harmful words from my mouth could result in such an outpouring.”

There is an Anton Chekhov story called "The Lament." It is a simple story about an old man who drives a horse and buggy for hire through the city.

The story goes that the old man's son died recently and he wants so desperately to tell someone. A wealthy man hires the horse and buggy for a ride across town. As the wealthy man steps into the carriage, the old man says, "My son, my son. Let me tell you about my son." But the busy man doesn't have time to listen.

Well, after the wealthy man leaves, another man steps into the carriage. He wants to be driven to the other side of the city. Again, the old man says, "My son. My son. Let me tell you about my son." And again, this second man also doesn't bother to listen.

At the end of the day, the old man returns to the stables, unhitches his horse, and as he begins to brush the horse down for the night, the old man begins to tell the horse, "My son. My son." And he tells the horse the tragic story.