Unfaithfulness

Sometimes journalism is useful for highlighting important trends in human behavior. Other times, however, journalistic coverage of a topic does more to inflate the popularity of an idea because its novelty is sure to attract attention.

According to Washington Post columnist Shadi Hamid, this is exactly what’s been happening surrounding the topic of polyamory. Hamid asked in a recent article:

Is it really popular? Or are people only saying it is. A self-fulfilling prophecy might be at work: Polyamory becomes more widespread because we think it’s already widespread. Norms around sexuality change because we think they’ve changed — even if they haven’t.

Hamid notes an uptick in interest of polyamory from Gen-Z users of dating apps like Tinder and Hinge, and cites depictions of polyamory on streaming sites like Peacock and Max. But just as in regular relationships, fantasy is much easier to maintain than reality. “In this light, polyamory offers both license and a patina of legitimacy to the exploitative sexual desires of some men.”

He also notes that despite adherents’ insistence on the infinite nature of shared love, time management is also a salient issue:

As lived experience, polyamory is difficult and often unsustainable for most mere mortals. Having one partner requires planning. Having multiple partners requires even more, which is why accounts of “polycules” always seem to involve a lot of work, making shared Google calendars an essential tool in the arsenal of love.

Jealousy, like love, is a natural human emotion: If you love someone, how realistic is it that you will want to “share” that person with someone else?... It is no accident, then, that those who try polyamory often come away disillusioned. Only about 30 percent say they would do it again, with many citing as obstacles possessiveness and “difficult to navigate” emotional aspects.

Possible Preaching Angle:

Though offering some helpful insight, this is obviously the worldly viewpoint on sexual relationships. When preaching on sexual faithfulness in marriage we must add the spiritual consequences of adultery, including Hebrews 13:4, “Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.”

Jana Monroe had a distinguished 22-year career in the FBI, including in the FBI Behavioral Science Unit. She knows in depth the disturbing depths of human depravity that FBI agents must cope with. In her book, "Hearts of Darkness,” Monroe covers a variety of topics and issues, including her dismay over the often-light sentences given to guilty lawyers, judges, and cops.

For a brief period of her time, Monroe was placed in charge of the FBI’s Financial Institution Fraud department in San Diego. They had received reliable information that there was blatant public corruption in the local courts. After two years, the tireless work of FBI agents and federal prosecutors resulted in the indictments of two local Superior Court judges and a prominent local attorney.

However, Monroe was deeply disappointed by the lenient punishments. One judge and the lawyer received 41 months in prison, and the second judge received 33 months. Monroe writes:

When those sentences were handed down, I immediately thought of all the people doing hard time in serious prisons for being stupid enough or otherwise desperate enough to rob at gunpoint a convenience store where a good haul might be a hundred bucks.

No matter how the money gets stolen - at the point of a gun or by cooking the books - there are repercussions that the law is too ready to ignore when the crook works in a paneled corner office and belongs to all the right clubs.

I strongly believe in ethics. Those to whom law enforcement and justice have been entrusted - police officers, FBI agents, district attorneys, especially judges - are obligated (serve) with integrity and honesty. When they don't, they deserve no better treatment than a guy who tries to knock over a 7-Eleven.

Possible Preaching Angle:

Monroe is right. Lawyers, judges, and law enforcement officers represent government, law and order, righteousness, and indirectly God (Rom. 13:1-7), and must therefore be held to high standards when they blatantly disobey laws and are guilty of crimes.

As if online dating wasn’t hard enough, now users have to sift through profiles looking for increasingly expansive definitions of what it means to be in a committed relationship. Many people using dating apps are on them looking for “the one.” Increasingly, they’re running into profiles of people looking for a second, third, or fourth.

The monogamists say mainstream dating apps are being inundated with users who are in consensual open relationships, and they’d like them to go find their own app. Others say the apps are for people of all relationship styles and, as long as they’re up front about it, what’s the problem? The profiles clearly state: “ENM.” The letters stand for ethical nonmonogamy and more often than not, aren’t spelled out.

In late 2022, one dating app rolled out the ability for users to designate their “relationship type” at the top of their profile and whether they are monogamous or not, which the company says was a response to the needs of Gen Z.

“Gen Z is the most fluid generation in terms of their sexuality and identity, and they need their relationships—and their dating app as the meeting point—to support their openness to different types of connection,” a Hinge spokesman says.

A 2022 survey of more than 14,000 dating app users globally found that 16% of Americans have recently considered an ethical non-monogamous relationship. And around one-third of Americans describe their ideal relationship as something other than complete monogamy, according to a 2023 YouGov poll.

Canadian professor and researcher, Beverly Fehr conducted a research study on love and commitment. It was very simple. She had two equivalent groups. One group came up with all of the attributes and characteristics of love, while the other group brainstormed all the attributes and characteristics of commitment. She simply then compared the two lists and found that around two-thirds of the words used for commitment were also used for love. What was her conclusion? Commitment is intrinsic to the very notion and concept of love.

But in today’s dating world, people are trying to get love without commitment. Researchers have a new word for this new relationship status—a "Situationship."

Time magazine defines it this way:

Somewhere between great-love and no-strings-attached lies a category of relationship that is emotionally connected but without commitment of future planning. It includes going on dates, having sex, building intimacy, but without a clear objective in mind. Enter situationship.

Situationships are one of the fastest growing relationship trends, which underscores the desire of many singles for an obligation-free relationship. The 2022 Tinder Year in Swipe Report noticed a “49 percent increase in members adding ‘situationships’ to their bios, with young singles saying they prefer situationships as a way to develop a relationship with less pressure.” Although situationships are touted as “more clearly defined than a hook-up,” they still retain tremendous ambiguity with no clarity of commitment, boundaries, or future togetherness.

Generation Z isn’t convinced monogamy is the best relationship structure, and more than half of them are considering relationship styles long considered taboo in American culture.

New data from Ashley Madison, the dating website built for affairs, found Gen Z was over represented among new signups to the site, regardless of if they were married or not. In 2022 alone more than 1.8 million Gen Z joined (of which more than one million were from the U.S.) representing 40% of all signups.

More and more Gen Zers, like reddit user r/Marmatus, are sharing their experience of having non-monogamous relationships. Marmatus wrote:

It’s nice having the freedom to explore your sexuality safely and ethically with other people. The thought of going an entire lifetime only ever having one sexual partner is not something I’d choose for myself. There are only so many experiences that one person can give you.

Ashley Madison’s Chief Strategy Officer Paul Keable said he thinks what makes Gen Z different when it comes to non-monogamy is the way this generation understands shame. He mentioned the prevalence of premarital sex–something that’s most Americans feel is no longer morally wrong. Studies have found that premarital sex is practically universal in America with 95% of survey respondents saying they had sex before they were married.

Leanne Yau, a relationship expert said,

What is it about exclusivity that is so precious to society, particularly given that infidelity is extremely common in monogamous relationships? I think the normalization of queer rights and kink becoming more mainstream and people exploring their desires has opened people to the transformative power of exploring your sexuality.

Possible Preaching Angle:

Sin has consequences, as God’s Word so clearly says. Any generation who thinks that it can live in defiance of God’s standards is headed for destruction. Both Sodom and the world of Noah’s day learned this difficult lesson by way of God’s judgment.

An official investigation by The Washington Post has revealed a troubling trend of officers committing sexual abuse upon minors in their custody, many of whom were already attempting to report other different incidents of sex abuse.

By analyzing an extensive database of police arrests around the nation, reporters identified instance after instance of officers gaining the trust of minors, preying on them when they’re alone, and threatening them to ensure their silence afterward.

The Post highlighted the story of Officer Rodney Vicknair of the New Orleans Police Department. Officer Vicknair was recently sentenced to 14 years for violating the civil rights of a teenaged girl under his care.

Vicknair’s conduct was terrible, but also predictable. He’d been investigated for allegations of misconduct twelve times in his first twelve years on the job. Months before he assaulted the girl, he made inappropriate comments to her in the presence of another officer, but those comments went unreported. He also made a habit of visiting her alone in her home. After Vicknair’s pattern of inappropriate behavior had been reported to superiors, he remained on duty for another week, during which his assault took place.

The child eventually sued the city for allowing Vicknair to remain on the job. While the child’s attorneys were preparing for the trial, they deposed high level police officials to find out if Vicknair’s case had prompted any procedural changes. The truth, they found out, was disturbingly familiar.

“You don’t know of anything NOPD has done differently,” the attorney asked, “to prevent another Officer Vicknair?” “Correct,” replied the police official.

Experts say that part of the problem is the limited nature of police background checks, which often fail to investigate red flags or allegations of impropriety.

Possible Preaching Angle:

Those who serve in positions of power and influence are held to a higher standard; God will judge them even more harshly if they abuse their power.

Do you have something to hide? A new survey finds that 82% of people admit to snooping through someone else’s devices. Moreover, the most likely Americans to go snooping is a person’s romantic partner or their ex.

According to a poll of more than 1,000 people, those who go snooping around may have a reason to always be so suspicious. A shocking 53% claim they’ve found something incriminating or concerning while going through someone else’s device. The most common thing people find is evidence that their significant other is cheating or flirting with other people. In fact, 70% say they’ve discovered evidence of digital flirting or in-person cheating after going through someone’s device.

Nearly nine in 10 snoopers go straight to their target’s messages, e-mails, or social media direct messages. Nearly half (44%) check out a person’s photos while snooping and 38% read through their target’s browser history. Interestingly, more than one in three have no regrets about snooping on another person.

Even though 82% of Americans admit to snooping through another person’s device, most are apparently expert digital spies. 81% claim they’ve never been caught while snooping through someone’s device.

Women are more likely to say they snoop (88%) in comparison to men (77%). Moreover, women were also less likely to regret snooping through someone’s device. Only one in 10 respondents say they’ve never looked through someone else’s device. For everyone else, 25% say they find “something significant most or every time” they go snooping around.

A recent Aperture video on YouTube effectively portrays the harms and dangers of today's dating apps, especially Tinder:

Maybe the most disastrous thing about dating apps is that we're ultimately commodifying love and that can change the way we view and experience it. When we're attracted to someone, our brain releases the chemical dopamine as a reward response. Online dating apps train us to constantly seek this dopamine hit from attraction or lust. Then when we're with someone we're no longer getting that attraction. We know it can easily be found on an app in our pocket. All we have to do is ghost, deceive or abruptly break up with someone in order to get it again.

Even just looking at an attractive person on your app will give you a hit of dopamine, making loyalty to a lover much less appealing. You get hooked into a reward cycle. It becomes addictive. Just as you get a blip of joy from a like on social media, you get a hit of dopamine from a match on Tinder. It keeps you coming back even if you have found someone worth keeping.

Most of us have been with someone we loved and still questioned whether there was someone better out there. Apps like Tinder exploit this feeling. They overwhelm you with choices, making you feel like you're never making the right one. And so you move on. Back to the phone. Back to the dopamine hits so readily available. As you go on dates and start relationships the app is always dangling that shinier object or human being right in front of you.

Because it's so fast and easy to get a new shot of dopamine by simply opening the app on our phones, we don't give ourselves enough time to get to know a person. The problem with this is that we aren't spending enough time in relationships for our brains to produce oxytocin over those warm cuddly feelings which are more common in long-term relationships. If you've ever been in a long-term loving relationship, you notice how at peace you feel. How when you're with this person everything feels all right with the world. Dating apps are weaning us off this feeling. Dating apps are more dangerous than you think.

You can watch the video here (timestamp: 6 min. 04 sec. to 8 min. 04 sec.).

Financial consultant and popular radio host Dave Ramsey is being sued by a group of former listeners over his role in promoting a company alleged to have defrauded customers of millions of dollars.

The class-action lawsuit claims that Ramsey’s Lampo Group, earned about $30 million from 2015 to 2021 endorsing Timeshare Exit Team. This Kirkland, Washington company received over $200 million in revenue by promising to relieve clients of their costly financial obligations from time share agreements.

In 2021, Timeshare Exit Team paid $2.61 million as part of a settlement with the attorney general of the state of Washington over what it claims were deceptive business practices. This included advising clients to stop paying timeshare fees and issuing fake property deeds in an attempt to convince clients they were free of their obligations. The complaint reads, “When customers finally discovered the schemes and demanded their refunds, [Timeshare Exit Team founder] Reed Hein fabricated excuses not to honor the promises or stopped returning their calls.”

The lawsuit seeks $150 million in damages, claiming that the actions of Ramsey Solutions, Timeshare Exit Team, and Happy Hour Media Group, conspired to commit “negligent malrepresentation” and “unjust enrichment” in violation of the Washington Consumer Protection Act.

Ramsey has repeatedly denied wrongdoing, but plaintiffs in the suit claim that Ramsey should have known better. The lawsuit reads:

Reed Hein made many claims that any competent financial advisor with Dave Ramsey’s knowledge and skill would know to be false, and it engaged in many activities Dave Ramsey would have known to be illegal. Ramsey never returned any of the tens of millions of dollars Reed Hein and Happy Hour Media Group paid him from his own listeners’ hard-earned money. Instead, Ramsey has chosen to profit from his listeners’ money.

Possible Preaching Angle:

Anyone who preaches financial accountability must be willing to submit their own behavior to that same standard. We lose credibility in the community of faith when we have standards for others that we do not adopt for ourselves.

In late May of 2023, U.S. Attorney Rachael Rollins formally resigned her position after two federal oversight agencies launched wide-ranging investigations into her behavior. Those investigations concluded that she both lied to investigators and used her position to influence a local election.

Investigators say Rollins leaked information to the media for a story intended to sabotage Kevin Hayden, who was campaigning to replace her as U.S. attorney. The story contained the false accusation that Hayden was under federal investigation himself.

The initial investigations into Rollins’ behavior were sparked after she was seen at a fundraiser for the Democratic National Committee. This was a significant departure from the agenda of Rollins’ boss, Attorney General Merrick Garland, who repeatedly ensured that his agency’s top priority would be maintaining political independence. After Rollins was seen at the fundraiser, Garland barred any political appointees from attending fundraisers or other campaign events.

Rollins’ behavior was said to have violated the Hatch Act, a law that curtails political actions by government employees. Violations included an instance where she solicited 30 free tickets to a Boston Celtics game for youth basketball players, including a pair for herself.

According to the inspector general’s office in the Justice Department, Rollins’ behavior was among the “most egregious” in the history of the agency.

Possible Preaching Angle:

God cares about the delivery of justice, and doesn't look kindly on people who abuse their positions of power for personal gain.

When people refer to political corruption in American politics as a cesspool, it’s usually just a metaphor. But in one recent case, the term could be taken literally.

In early April, former Hawaii state representative Ty Cullen was sentenced to two years in prison for taking bribes in order to influence legislation restricting the use of toxic cesspools in properties around the state.

Industry analysts believe that cesspools proliferated in Hawaii during the latter half of the twentieth century. This was when infrastructure investments in things like sewer lines were outpaced by the money to be made through rapid development. New cesspools have been banned since 2016.

Cullen was charged because of his involvement in legislation that affected cesspool conversions, which are costly construction upgrades. The news has caused consternation among political players, but rejoicing from environmental advocates. Stuart Coleman, director of Wastewater Alternatives said, “We were joking that, ‘Oh, now these politicians have given cesspools a bad name.’”

Possible Preaching Angle:

When public servants behave dishonorably, they confer dishonor on the offices that they hold, and people lose faith in local authorities. In the same way, servants of God cause a loss of trust when they behave dishonestly.

Embezzlement is a special problem in churches and Christian ministries because trust is so important. That shows the power of trust. And trust is good, but if it’s misused … that’s really a problem. After someone had been convicted of embezzlement … there were church members who still said, “I don’t believe (they) could do this.”

Brock Bell of Brotherhood Mutual writes:

It doesn’t take a hardened criminal to steal money from a church. In fact, those who embezzle are often well-known, well-liked, and completely trusted by fellow church members. They don’t set out to steal hundreds, or even thousands, of dollars. But ample opportunity and a lack of financial controls enable them to do just that.

Yearly timeline of embezzlement from churches and ministries:

1970 $5 million

2000 $19 billion

2022 $59 billion

2050 (Projected $170 billion)

6% of Christian giving is lost to embezzlement

1 in 3 churches suffer embezzlement

27% of embezzled churches don’t report

Possible Preaching Angle:

Unfortunately, the pattern of Judas who stole from the money bag (John 12:4-5), has been copied in many churches and ministries. To avoid this problem, make more than one person responsible for handling and accounting for the money, reconcile bank statements monthly, and schedule regular audits by an outside organization.

Leonardo da Vinci is widely considered one of the most diversely talented individuals ever to have lived. As an artist, he is known for The Last Supper and The Mona Lisa among others. However, his total output in painting is really rather small. There are less than 17 surviving paintings that can be definitely attributed to him, and several of them are unfinished.

The small number of surviving paintings is due in part to his chronic procrastination. He often required a sharp threat by his patrons that they were about to withhold payment to motivate him. The Mona Lisa took over 15 years for him to finish. Worse was The Virgin of the Rocks, commissioned with a seven-month deadline. Da Vinci finished it 25 years later. Da Vinci apologized on his deathbed "to God and Man for leaving so much undone."

Possible Preaching Angle:

God calls his people to build his kingdom--to transform people in the name of Jesus. However, many of us procrastinate. Other “more important” things get in the way. There will come a day when we may look back upon our lives with regret for the things left unfinished.

With a subway system as lengthy and mysterious as that overseen by the Metropolitan Transit Authority, there are bound to be a few surprises here and there, but investigators were unprepared for what they found in the storage room at Grand Central Terminal below Track 114.

The MTA Inspector General summed it up in a recent statement:

Many a New Yorker has fantasized about kicking back with a cold beer in a prime piece of Manhattan real estate--especially one this close to good transportation … But few would have the chutzpah to commandeer a secret room beneath Grand Central Terminal and make it their very own man-cave, sustained with MTA resources, and maintained at our riders' expense.

Authorities say that three MTA employees, a wireman, a carpenter, and an electrician, had outfitted the room with a futon, a refrigerator, microwave, some exercise equipment, and a large-screen TV, complete with a content-streaming device connected. The room was found after a series of anonymous tips reporting its existence. The three employees have been suspended without pay, pending the results of the investigation. In the interim, MTA officials insist that all of the rooms at Grand Central are under review to ensure their proper utilization.

Possible Preaching Angle:

When people who are commissioned to serve the community end up siphoning off resources for themselves, their selfishness betrays the heart of their mission. God’s people are to act with the highest standards of integrity; otherwise, the mission is compromised.

In his book, Chuck Bentley writes:

There's a name for God that we seldom ever use. I know I don't use it very often. That name is Jealous. Sounds strange, doesn't it? When we call someone jealous, it’s usually to point out a character flaw. How can something we consider bad be attributed to God, especially one of his names? “Do not worship any other god, for the Lord, whose name is jealous, is a jealous God” (Exodus 34:14).

Back in the late 1960s, there was a popular TV western series called The Guns of Will Sonnet. Walter Brennan played the title role, a Scripture-quoting man with a reputation for unparalleled gun fighting skills. As the series progressed, viewers saw the wise old man avoid more gunfights than he got into the simple, truthful statement about his abilities: “No brag, just fact.”

God has the title of Jealous because he’s the only one worthy of all our affection and adoration. No brag, just fact. The complete worthiness of ultimate praise grants him and him alone the right to be the Jealous One. He’s God Almighty. He’s at the top of all Kings, all Lords, all gods, and all things. So jealousy is normative, if you’re God.

Storyteller Megan McKenna captures this reluctance to claim and act on our desires in a wonderful parable:

There was a woman who wanted peace in the world and peace in her heart, but she was very frustrated. The world seemed to be falling apart. She would read papers and get depressed. One day she decided to go shopping, and she went into a mall and picked a store at random. She walked in and was surprised to see Jesus behind the counter. She knew it was Jesus, because he looked just like the pictures she’d seen on holy cards and devotional pictures. She looked again and again at him, and finally she got up her nerve and asked, “Excuse me, are you Jesus?” “I am.” “Do you work here?” “No,” Jesus said, “I own the store.” “Oh, what do you sell here?” “Oh, just about anything!” “Anything?” “Yeah, anything you want. What do you want?” She said, “I don’t know.” “Well,” Jesus said, “feel free, walk up and down the aisles, make a list, see what it is you want, and then come back and we’ll see what we can do for you.”

She did just that, walked up and down the aisles. There was peace on earth, no more war, no hunger or poverty, peace in families, no more drugs, harmony, clean air, careful use of resources. She wrote furiously. By the time she got back to the counter, she had a long list. Jesus took the list, skimmed through it, looked up at her and smiled. “No problem.” And then he bent down behind the counter and picked out all sorts of things, stood up, and laid out the packets. She asked, “What are these?” Jesus replied, “Seed packets. This is a catalog store.” She said, “You mean I don’t get the finished product?” “No, this is a place of dreams. You come and see what it looks like, and I give you the seeds. You plant the seeds. You go home and nurture them and help them grow and someone else reaps the benefits.” “Oh,” she said. And she left the store without buying anything.

"In Mexico they wanted to be my friends because they wanted to do missions to me, but when I moved to the United States no one wanted to be my friend."

Testimony from a Mexican student who came to study in the U.S. after having received many short-term mission trips from American church groups.

There arose a heart-warming story not too long ago of a French baker who almost died of carbon monoxide poisoning in his shop, only to be rescued at the last minute by a homeless man passing by who raised the alarm. The baker, understandably grateful for the heroic action, pledged to generously "sell" his business to the homeless man for just one euro as a gesture of his immense gratitude.

However, recently the 62-year-old store owner was greeted by a rude surprise. "I returned to the bakery at 10:30, 11:00 at night as usual," he said, "and discovered that Jerome [the homeless man] had set up a bar of sorts with wine and beer, and all his homeless friends were in the oven room. I told him this was not part of the deal. Tempers rose and he started insulting me, so I told him to pack his bags and go."

Possible Preaching Angle:

tells a similar tale: "A faithful, sensible servant is one to whom the master can give the responsibility of managing his other household servants and feeding them. If the master returns and finds that the servant has done a good job, there will be a reward. But what if the servant is evil and thinks, 'My master won't be back for a while,' and he begins beating the other servants, partying, and getting drunk?" In a sense, every human being has a Jerome-like opportunity. What are you doing with your amazing opportunity?

When scientists studied the brain chemistry of the newly love struck they found that certain chemicals are elevated when love is new. Researchers at the University of Pavia, for instance, found that levels of nerve growth factor (NGF)—a protein that maintains the health of neurons—were higher in people who had reported just falling in love when compared to single people or those in long-term relationships. After about a year, though, the subjects' NGF levels fell back to a normal level.

But after the first years of wedded bliss, some discontentment seems to follow. A poll of 5,000 married couples found that men and women begin to take their marriage for granted after two and a half years. Half the couples surveyed for the 2008 study reported that they felt undervalued at the 2.5 year mark. The majority of the men said they stopped picking up after themselves, while the women were no longer making an effort to look nice for their spouse. A 2011 survey of married couples found that irritation peaks at the 3-year mark. More than two-thirds of all of those surveyed said that little quirks, which were seemingly harmless and often endearing during the first flushes of love, became major annoyances at 36 months.

A few research psychologists have looked into the relationship between religiosity and celebrity worship. The team, consisting of a researcher from England and the United States, conducted a study in which 307 participants were asked questions that gauged their attitudes toward religion and toward their favorite celebrities. The final paper from the research, titled "Thou Shalt Worship No Other Gods—Unless They Are Celebrities," found that "as religiosity increases, for both men and women, the tendency to 'worship' celebrities decreases."

This seems to suggest that religiosity and celebrity worship are mutually exclusive activities—or competing "faiths." But the study also found a distinct subgroup of dual worshipers who scored high on both scales. They concluded, "Many religious people apparently ignore the religious teaching that 'Thou shalt worship no other gods,' or fail to connect it to their 'worship' of celebrities."

Possible Preaching Angles; Idols; Idolatry—This isn't just true in regard to celebrities. We can also conclude with the author by stating, "Many religious people apparently ignore the religious teaching that 'Thou shalt worship no other gods,' or fail to connect it to their 'worship' of ___________." Fill in the blank and you'll uncover your idol.