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But an article on marriage I'm writing took me to the Sunshine State, where I attended a CBMW's Different by Design conference last month. The "design" in the name did not just stand for human anatomy.

At the conference, I met women who couldn't exercise some of their gifts because of their and their husbands' interpretation of the Bible. Women were repeatedly told to submit to their husbands. Men were taught to properly "assume their headship." No one mentioned mutual submission.

Thanks to God only, I managed to bridle my egali-vangelistic zeal. I did not corner any unsuspecting couples to prove to them with my borrowed knowledge of Hebrew grammar that the relationship between men and women was "designed" to be an egalitarian one. I resisted sneaking a box of egalitarian marriage guides on the book table. And I worshipped with these people.

You may remember that when I went to a conference held by the egalitarian body of opinion, Christians for Biblical Equality (CBE), several months ago, I wrote an online article addressing some misconceptions about CBE. It's time to do the same for CBMW.

Here are just a few things that surprised me about the CBMW complementarians:

They aim to liberate women. All this time I thought of egalitarian women as oppressed. But the die-hard complementarian ideologues sure didn't sound like it. At times I wondered if I was at a CBE, not CBMW, conference. "We want women to be free to do what God had called them to do," one speaker said. Another said, "We want men and women to be what God had called them to be." Hearing these words gave me a sensation of déjà vu. I heard the same words at the other conference!

One woman told me that complementarian theology is "very liberating." "I'm free to exercise my gifts," she said, adding, "within the context of God's order, of course. When I submit, such a burden is lifted. I want to be in charge, but when I am, it's confusion."

One speaker quoted Paul Vitz, who said that complementarian understanding of the Bible sets women free from the "debilitating anxiety to be both mother and father." Another speaker described wifely submission as "joyful, willing, creative, energetic" (it was a "he" though).

The similarity in language of complementarians and egalitarians reveals a lot about both groups' intentions. At least one of their goals is women's liberation. Their motivation is also the same—faithfulness to God's Word. Both groups ought to celebrate the love for the Scriptures that they have in common. The trouble is, they disagree on what it is that "the Bible says."

They're not chauvinists. "Give undivided attention to what your wife is saying," said one speaker. "She has wisdom, much to communicate and contribute. So many times God gives ideas to women." Now, egalitarians like me may see this statement as patronizing. On the other hand, it can be argued that an "undivided attention" to one's spouse is a type of submission.

I don't know how many times I heard conference speakers exhort husbands to listen, really listen, to their wives, to "drop everything and ask her 'Honey, what's been on your mind lately?'" "Men, we must never communicate to our wives that they are second class citizens," said a speaker. A leader of a workshop on fathering said, "The way we men treat our wives is number one factor in the development of our sons and daughters."

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October (Web-only) 2001, Vol. 45