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Something always does — and always did — smell off about the "Jesus makes life perfect" version of Christian witness. It's not consistent with the Bible's record of pain and suffering, much less with what we know of ourselves. But hey, it sure seemed to be working for Haggard. His smile was constant, his energy endless. His life was an argument for the power of positive Christian thinking.

Haggard's downfall was a clarion call to personal honesty. It challenged us to do the gritty work of growing in self-knowledge. John Calvin, echoing Augustine, wrote that there is "no deep knowing of God without a deep knowing of self." Self-knowledge is, or should be, a natural outcome of a proper Christian life, because confession is a core discipline. The Christian is invited to admit the full truth of his or her life — as our Scripture has it, to "walk in the light." Christianity should be a path of self-disclosure. There is no such thing as a secret.

I was hoping — against hope — that The Trials of Ted Haggard would document his walking into the light. It doesn't. It captures his attempt to reenter the limelight. It's agonizing to watch Haggard gather the pieces of his life, shuffle from temporary home to temporary home, and learn how to make an honest buck. It's terrible to watch him suffer. But what is most painful is the question the documentary doesn't ask:Why? Why, just a few months after Haggard and his family suffered an unspeakable tragedy in public view, would he invite the cameras back? Why would he want his story documented and sold in this way?

Anyone who cares about Haggard, as I do, must see this comeback as a continuation of his tragedy. I wish Haggard well. Thus, I wish him a life of peace and quiet, a life balanced with equal parts solitude and intimate company. I wish him the courage of self-revelation. Haggard has recently told reporters that the issue of his sexual orientation is "complex." No doubt it is — and it should be worked out through a process of careful discernment, a mixture of introspection and good counsel. It's not possible to work out such complexities with a camera in your face, an audience in your near future.

As one friend said after we watched the documentary, this is Haggard's Facebook page. It's not a confessional; it's a media platform. To paraphrase HBO's motto, it's not reality TV; it's just TV.

This article originally appeared at Dodd's Text Messages blog at Beliefnet. Dodd was on staff at New Life Church for eight years.

Copyright © 2009 Christianity Today. Click for reprint information.

Christianity Today also interviewed Alexandra Pelosi about the new HBO documentary on Haggard. CT also has a special section on Ted Haggard.

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January (Web-only) 2009, Vol. 53