I have followed your posts and I am glad that you feel the freedom to develop your own faith and pursue a personal relationship with God. I am not a pastor child but I am a pastor raising my own and it is insightful hearing you all share these. I am also currently researching into why our children leave the faith once they come of age 18 and up. If any of you can help me reach children of ministers pastors and the like I will apprciate. You can reach through my email covenant1family@aol.com. My intent after the research is to be able to create a ministry that ministers to children of pastors and other christian leaders to develop their own relationship with the Lord. You stay encouraged and blessed!!!

I posted a comment here yesterday and now its gone..

This article has truly helped me in various aspects.Both of my parents are pastors and have a few churches in different countries.My parents got divorced,but my mother has the churches and still pastors over them and preaches. My sister and I always lived under the microscope of being watched,having to be careful in whatever we do,say,or go because people are watching us.I'm 25 and I'm still going through this.I love God and I love traveling n' helping people communities...especially when we do mission trips abroad. But I came to the conclusion that I am fed up always being cautious in every aspect because of what people might say, and how they would take it. These people I don't even know and they are not even family, they are just people that just got saved and people that have been in the congregation for years. Some basically are religious, all churches have @ least a few religious people in their churches, which is normal completely. I love God,doing his will, and helping others hands on in the community. I am content on the outside and I know how to put on a pretty face, careful in what I do, say even when I joke but inside I'm screaming I want freedom and even think of leaving, a break or something of that sort, I'm in need of help completely.I'm just fed up, I still do everything I like to do in the ministry and in the community,but I HATE completely of still being under a microscope, watched and just have to be more cautious then the average person.I'm extremely fed up, but I'm trusting God. I'm 25 why should I still be watched. Why do I have to live up to a level to a certain extent to be careful of what people/strangers think and say. I'm older now. Another thing that gets to me is that I feel for me to get out of this image is if I leave, or break away not forever cause I love this ministry, and this is home,my home. I can talk to my other friends about this but it is so much they could understand because they are not in my position at all what so ever. Then I have other Christian friends that I have spoken bout this but, they are overly religious and have no clue whatsoever honestly. This is the FIRST Time ever I have seen, read or heard of any daughter or son(No matter their age) of a pastor understand me completely and the position of a PK, as they call it. My parents are excellent, wonderful and beyond loving. My parents were gone most of the time, and we had someone take care of us while they were gone.We traveled with my parents for a couple years and had tutors travel with us as well, when would go to do different mission trips in different countries and islands.Every step and process in my teenage years, and a few steps coming into my adulthood my parents weren't always there to understand that step or process. Only because they were always traveling and sharing the gospel. I don't mind that at all, I actually love that, cause I grew to understand why they did, and I love to see other people's lives changed that they helped. My mother has been there for me,but when I needed my father in the most important parts of my life he wasn't there...in my late teens, and still now early 20s. He cut his self off from my sister and I after he divorced my mother. We don't hear from him at all. That's fine though I moved on from that part of life and received my emotional healing. I thank God for Him helping me,my mother,and my care taker/administrator through that strenuous time of my life. I've been through a lot in my life,but I thank God for him helping me. I have to be careful of what I say to people meaning my own testimony only because of what they would think and say about me..."the pastor's daughter etc..".I'm tired of that stigma completely. I don't even know these people and I have to be careful of saying anything and everything even my own testimony. My parents raised us well, they were strict but I'm thankful for it, because of that I was secured and protected from a lot of bad things that could of ...

I am a PK. My dad would not allow us to be labeled. Since we were in a mission church that couldn't afford any other staff, if no one in the congregation could do a specific job and we were qualified my dad felt we should be allowed to use our gifts. He was also firm in his belief that we as a family should spend time together weekly and family vacations. My daughter is a missionary and I have noticed that this generation of missionaries put their families second and service to the Lord is third. I find that my grandchildren-MK's are very comfortable as to who they are and fit the new description of "third culture kids". They are also thrift store shoppers which blows the minds of their So. Calif. friends. My pastor and two of the staff are PK's and they are concerned as to the amount of time their PK's spend at church and wanting them to enjoy it. I have noticed that when the parents are excited about their calling and love doing it and are content that it easily transmits to the kids. If the mother isn't content and has a fake attitude the kids will easily rebel.

Thanks Laura for this article. I read your blog regularly and hope that one day soon you will be able to publish your thoughts in a book filled with real pages I can carry with me, as all your writings encourage me greatly. From Australia-D

I was a DK (Deacons kid) and later an EK (Elders Kid) and grew up with the old joke "Why are the Pastors Kid's so rebellious? Answer: "Cause they play with the Deacons Kids!" Not to far from the truth in my case! I also was a PK (Policeman's kid) and yes there are a whole lot of standards that are expected of those kids as well.

Laura, my paternal grandfather was a minister, and I recall having mixed emotions when my family went to visit him and attend worship services in his church. I was happy that my grandfather was the pastor, but I also remember having to sit on the front pew, behave myself and pretend to understand what he was saying in his hour long sermon! In those days (sixty years ago), PK's and their kids, WERE held to a higher standard. I am grateful that for the most part, that is no longer true. Thanks for the insightful article!

The only thing I know about John and Nancy Ortberg is that someone once told me that they are Laura Ortberg Turner's parents.

Great thoughts, Laura. I've been a pastor for 18 years, and made it clear to both of my congregations that my children were *children* and not *pastor's kids*. I remember just one time that I heard someone say to my daughter, "Don't do that, don't you know that your dad is the pastor?" I immediately stepped in and said that the same rules applied to my kids as to anyone else's kids. My kids were raised with the freedom to be themselves, piercings and skull earrings included (my daughter told me that the skulls reminded her of being dead and then alive in Christ!).

IT'S THE AGE FACTOR Pastors and Elders should not need to be "held" to a higher standard. If a man has a strong desire to serve the Lord's Body in such a capacity, the characteristics mentioned by the Apostle Paul should already be quite apparent. This is why--back in the day--an Elder was actually, um, an elder. The state of his family or household provided "living proof" of his character. Was his wife content and flourishing even after having raised the children to the level of maturity such that the direction of their lives manifested hearts intent on loving and serving Christ? Granted, couples married at a much younger age than we do these days, so perhaps an Elder was in his mid-forties or so. Still, the so-called standards Paul references are the fruit born of the life of a man who is innately and adequately prepared to care for the Lord's sheep. A man who has attained a status such as is called for surely is loving, patient, wise and kind. No greedy, selfish, drunken brawling abuser could ever have a family like the one Paul describes, so you pretty much knew who was "leadership material." Now that we live in the age of instant gratification, an M. Div. will do just fine and you can fake the happy family for the 4 or 5 years you plan to serve the flock that votes you in, you know, before you move on to a bigger opportunity (read paycheck) to serve the Lord. Yep. These days, we choose a newlywed and keep our fingers crossed.