“You can’t change other people, but you can change you” Deciding that something needs to change is the first step, realizing how much you can gain from those first little steps is the second. Yes, you can choose joy.

I disagree about NOT sharing our depression at church. I think people in church need us and our depression, because if someone doesn't break that barrier, then pity the ones who come after us...it's like the ones in the past generations who felt they had to "live up" to some unrealistic high standard of holiness, not realizing that everyone was flawed and failed. We began a depression support group in our church, and it was fun and very supportive. Unfortunately, it didn't continue...and I suppose some people felt ashamed...Actually,the first depression support group started when I (a former missionary) got up and shared in front of the entire church about my 30 year depression. Several women (it's only women, oddly) came up to me and we began our first group. Somebody has to break down those horrid fearful stigmatized walls, and do it boldly and dramatically. (in my experiences)

"On the day of President Obama’s inauguration, (Kay)Warren was present as Rick gave the invocation: a real “high” for the Warrens." No wonder she's depressed after this remembrance. It seems that the invocation isn't working out somehow.

Love the quote about happiness being built on happenings. Those of us who are parents need to remember that the goal of parenting isn't to raise happy kids, but to raise kids who seek joy. There's a difference.

Robyn - you make a really good point that we need to be careful not to minimize mental illness when discussing ways to find joy. I am still on my antidepressant medications and in therapy for my chronic depression. However, I think as I continue to practice gratitude, to live in the moment and keep my eyes open for God's gifts, it has helped me hang onto more joy and to experience it more deeply - as well as increasing my trust in God and my overall feelings of hopefulness. It has not been a substitution for treating my depression, but has been a helpfulion strengthening my coping skills.

@Laura ... Upon re-reading my post, I think I probably did leave the impression that I was painting with a pretty inclusive brush, which -- you right -- is not fair. There were individuals during this time to whom my wife and I could come, let down our hair -- in my case, whatever part of my hair I had not pulled out by then -- and be completely honest. But you still -- and I still -- had to pick and choose very carefully, which individuals were trustworthy. That is discouraging. What would it say about the US Armed Forces if every enlisted person, every officer up to and including the Chair of the JCS, had to ask her / himself if the person they were rubbing shoulders with in the ship or plane or foxhole could be trusted to shoot in the right direction? Nothing good, I think. Something I didn't mention in my post was the complicating factor of my sense of "call" or "vocation", which was very strong. So, as my fighter-pilot friends used to say, I couldn't "hit the button and punch out". Because I had a sense of "call" from God, I felt obligated to see the PhD through to the bitter end. In the end, I ended up telling God basically "Take this vocation and shove it", to paraphrase the old C&W song. If I had to make a choice between following God's call and avoid making my wife a widow, then I would choose my wife and my marriage. I think that, beginning with that day, I became a "functional atheist" in the sense that I no longer -- my wife and I no longer -- factor "God's will" or "God's call" or considerations of "vocation" into our plans. Now, that is certainly not something I would share in a church environment, however "safe". After the Boston / PhD experience, we refuse, individually and as a couple, to graze the event horizon that closely and risk falling into the black hole. Once was enough. I guess what I'm saying is that our experience of God, of God's "call", of "vocation" is so "contrarian" that, quite apart from considerations of theology or the lack thereof, we don't see how any church environment, however accepting and enlightened, could make a space for us and our experienced in its most honest and unvarnished form. @Robyn ... Yes it would be nice if the "church body were able to do 'something' as well". I mean "church body" as over against individuals within the church. But I think the nature of religious faith, at least in the great monotheistic traditions, is that most people approach religious faith as a means of avoiding risk instead of as a means of encountering risk, IOW as a means of feeling safe. Maybe that's human nature. But the result of that stance is that people like your husband, people like me -- IOW people who have had "contrarian" experiences of God -- make people feel unsafe, make people aware of risk instead of oblivious to it. In one of his best-known books, the theologian Paul Tillich talked about the virtue of courage. In fact, the title of the book is The Courage to Be. The brute fact is that, in a de facto sense, the church exists for the purpose of making courage unnecessary by making us feel safe. I mean "safe" in the sense that life is risk-free in any deep existential sense (i.e., not the risk that, gosh, my favorite Starbucks might be out of cherry-mocha frappuccinos). "The masks are on," we tell ourselves, "God is in His heaven, and all is right with the world". Anything, or anyone, who reminds us that radical risk is an inevitable concimitant of just living loosens the masks and threatens that sense of safety. JC

Or at least it's "mild depression," whatever that means. I just think the distinction should be made. I am capable of choosing joy. My clinically depressed/bipolar husband is not. James, my husband and I have been very honest in letting some of the people in our church know about his mental illness, his suicide attempts, his hospitalizations. They haven't rejected him or made him to feel guilty, but they certainly don't understand nor do they help us in any way at all. I've learned that the only people who are really going to help us are the professionals that our medical insurance pays to help us and our parents. That's surely enough of a blessing, but wouldn't it be nice if our church body were able to do *something* as well?

Great! Except what Warren is describing is NOT depression. Sufferings and trials are things we can bring before God and he gives us the strength to perservere. But clinical depression is different. Very different. It *IS* a disease. I'm hoping that Warren wouldn't be advising people who have a mental illness to just choose joy. They can't anymore than a diabetic can choose insulin and be magically cured. CT editors, your title is misleading. Why does that seem to happen so often? Maybe the authors should get to choose their own titles.

I agree with Laura, Rachel, and Kathi that church is not the place to be honest about whatever depression you are suffering from. James, that's not quite what I meant, and I apologize if I phrased my comment badly. I said that MOST church people don't respond well. That's true, and it's also true of people in general, churched or not. But it's not accurate to say that all church members are this way or that the church isn't the place to be honest about my depression. In my current church, I have come across a few people who respond well (usually because they've experienced depression themselves). Those people have given me the courage to be open and honest about my mental health struggles. So I've chosen to take off my mask (the mask of "oh, I'm just fine") and said outright that I'm bipolar. Oddly, this seems to have helped other people admit that they have issues with this, too, and we're of mutual encouragement to one another. I wish all Christians felt the freedom to take off our masks (whatever they look like) and be real. That would make a big difference in how the church is perceived, I think. Just wanted to clarify what I was saying.

That should read "I'm sure those rare species do exist somewhere in the wild."