Nicely put Pam! I agree 100% There needs to be a healthy balance. Where else will kids learn the model of love and self-sacrifice if not from their parents first? It is then true that you also need to instill discipline and a sense of responsibility from a young age...leave it too late and it could be just that - too late. The two must go hand in hand from the beginning.

As a parent, you need to recognize your gifts and use them in a way that does not hamper the growth and individuation of your child.

Strongly disagree with this article. Agree, however, with the arguments that you can parent well, not coddle, raise responsible and loving human beings BECAUSE you model things well as a stay-at-home-parent. There is much more to raising children than making them independent. We are charged by God to teach them to love and serve Him and lead them in how to mold their character in Christ. He gave parents that job....not a daycare provider or babysitter.....Deuteronomy 6, I believe. The first five years of a child's life are critical in molding a child's character. They are years you can never get back. At the very least, our kids should have the first five years where mom or dad are pouring all they can spiritually and emotionally into them so they can see and then hopefully model Christ's character. Since children learn to make choices as they grow, even with giving them this fundamental foundation, there are no guarantees. Take those years away and it will be even more difficult to raise children who reflect godly character. You need quantity plus quality to achieve this goal. When we choose our own "needs" over the welfare of our children, who were given to us by God to raise, we abdicate that role to someone else and teach our children that time and sacrifice are less important that self-fulfillment. Sorry. I know this sounds a bit harsh and old-fashioned.....I make no apologies for that. I know some women must work for true financial reasons. For them, God can overrule in a difficult situation. But for far too many who don't truly need to work, these types of articles are written to make those of you who choose your own self interest over the interests of your family a way to feel better about what you do. You feel badly for a reason. You know your kids need you. You know it is your responsibility. As a mom on the other side, you WILL one day have opportunity to use your gifts in other ways but later....after your responsibility as a parent is done. I was able to go back to teaching after my kids were older and because I had years of growth and experience at home with my kids, I was a better employee and a satisfied individual which made me more able to use and to exercise my God-given gifts. I share this with you not to be prideful and sanctimonious. I share it with you so you will listen to that inner voice that tells you, "first things first." Take care of your family first, even if it means tough commitment and hard choices, because that is what brings real fulfillment....the satisfaction of knowing you did what God first called you to do.

I agree with the author. My mother was among the early career women,,and I grew up in the early years with her working part-time or with a housekeper being home--at least until we were in junior high. After that we were latch-key kids, and I started cooking dinner at 15 because my school was within walking distance, and my mom was working at a hospital downtown, which meant she was stuck in rush-hour traffic every work day, and waiting for her to start cooking it would have meant we'd eat at 8H00 p.m. Also, since my mother had a career of her own also meant her fulfilment didn't depend on our performance, though she certainly encouraged us and expected us to attend university, and all three of her living kids did. She lost the other as a baby. Sometimes, when I see a parent--all too often a mother, unfortunately--overly invested in their kids' lives and doing everything for their kids, the phenomenon referred to as "helicopter parents", I feel the urge to tell them to get a life.

I think it is very important for a parent to be at home with the kids. I don't necessarily think it has to be the mum, though.

Thank you for this article. Well said! You've inspired me to share it.

I agree with many points in this article: Kids need responsibility! However, women have been commanded in Titus 2 to be " keepers at home". I understand that some husbands will ask their wives to work, and then there is an issue of submission that a wife must work through... but she can pray to God on her behalf. She can pray to God on behalf of this command in scripture...If a woman has " gifts" that could take her outside the home, she needs to find the right time in life to use these gifts. Perhaps when her children are grown and don't need her daily guidance anymore. To everything there is a season...and kids DO need some type of supervision or they will end up on drugs, pregnant, hooked on porn, etc. Also... I can't think of the exact verse, but " a child left to himself will come to ruin". We need balance here...

I think that it is just amazing what kids can do at such a young age if they are taught properly. The thing is that we as parents sometimes don't realize this until we volunteer at school and see how the teachers run their classrooms. I was simply amazed at how while the teacher (first grade) was doing the lesson, some students would come in, tap another child on the shoulder so that child could go out and do their testing, yet a different group would come in and do their charting and then just pick up where the lesson was being instructed! Kids do gain confidence when they can do for themselves. God will provide for us as long as we ask Him. Different families have different circumstances but if we all keep God first, all will be ok! May God bless you all and I thank you for loving your children as much as you do to be a part of this blog!

Jana (and Rahab), "her.meneutics" is a play on words, and the "her" part is the part actually meant to describe the blog. If you look at the URL, this is marked the Christianity Today women's issues blog. It never promised to quote Bible verses in every post. Not everything requires a Bible verse, or how could Enoch, who had no Bible at all, manage to walk with God so closely? Maybe our experience is pretty important after all, if we open up that experience constantly to God. I liked this article quite a lot, but I have one thing to add--something I think I've learned through observation of other moms. I think it's very important for parents not to be workaholics either. I'm guessing yours, Laura, were not, because your article radiates a sense that they were available, spiritually present to you, that you had their attention and their ear when you needed it--otherwise I don't think coming home to an empty house would have been as good an experience. I've seen it in parents who have to work long hours by necessity, and I've seen it in parents who feel guilty if they aren't getting a long To Do list done at the same time as parenting: a tired, stressed, distracted parent doesn't parent as well. On their day off they parent better. It's such a demanding, unpredictable job when they're little, and I've seen how it takes extra energy and attention, in the moment, to be "appropriately authoritative" rather than snap or give in. And you don't know when the moment will be--so you need a reserve. You need enough sleep, you need to not be stretched to the limit. And if what you need in order to be that rested, alert, mentally healthy parent is to stay home, stay home, and if what you need is to be using your gifts in a particular way that renews your spirit, do that, and if draining work is truly an economic necessity for your family, I fervently pray that God provides. And I believe that he does provide this no matter what: that they see *why* you are working so hard, and feel the love that is in it. It's different, when it's not for yourself.

I concur completely. What my parents never understood was that intimacy requires distance. Relationship requires space. My father gave me that space, and I always had a good relationship with dad: usual father-son conflicts of adolescence, but a fundamentally close and sound relationship. My mother, however, was very much a "helicopter mom" ... and in my mother's case, the helicopter was always hovered quite close overhead when I was growing up. The result was that, by the time I entered my teens, I was completely alienated from mom. I never even attended her funeral. In a very real sense, someone else's mother had died, a woman I did not know, had no desire to know, and with whom I had no relationship. I remember telling her late in her life, when we were discussing her strong tendency toward "smother love", that I had concluded that one of the biggest favors parents can do their kids is to have a life outside their kids. But even as I spoke those words, I could tell by the expression on her face that she understood not a word. My solution was to disavow ever having kids, because I honestly could not conceive of childhood and adolescence in any terms other than a kind of maximum-security-prison-without-walls. Fortunately, I married a woman (28 years ago last month) who wanted "at most one" child. We have always considered our marriage complete without kids. So no regrets. Parents are not God and kids are not possessions. Too many parents miss one, sometimes both, of these ideas. JRC