My wife recently shared with me something she had read. “People can be divided into three groups: those who make things happen, those who watch things happen, and those who wonder what happened.” I quickly added a fourth group: those w ho don’t like what happened, whatever it was!
This tendency has roots deep in human nature. It’s much easier to criticize another person than to offer something constructive ourselves. Attacking the ideas of someone else gives a feeling of superiority. It hides the fact that in the secret room of many Christians there is nothing-no praver, no reflection, no spiritual discipline. So people flee from dealing with their own inner problems by dwelling on another person’s shortcomings. There is little that will destroy the momentum of a church as rapidly as unbridled criticism.
Critical eyes often focus on the church leader. (Did something inside you just say “Amen” spontaneously?) How often has someone cornered you and said, “I hate to be critical, BUT. … ” (It’s odd how willing a person is to do something disliked so thoroughly.)
There is a story about Spurgeon that may or may not be apocryphal, but it contains a powerful message concerning the use of criticism. Earlv in his ministry, a member of Spurgeon’s congregation began writing anonymous letters hypercritical of his sermons. Week after week the letters arrived, dissecting without mercy his efforts in the pulpit. In his later years, Spurgeon said he would like to know who had written the letters, because more than any one person, that anonymous critic helped his preaching grow and develop.
You can change criticism from a stumbling block to a stepping stone. Rather than merely being irritated by it, you can be stimulated by it. Consider these suggestions for dealing with criticism:
1. Respond positively Proverbs 15:1 reminds us that “A soft answer turns away wrath.” Anger and defensiveness are ineffective. You can’t always do what the person giving the criticism wants you to do, but you can always respond positively. Try saying, “Thank you for bringing this to my attention.” This simple courtesy will defuse many a potentially explosive situation, even if you don’t follow the advice of the critic.
2. Never write in anger. I keep a file of letters I’m glad I never sent. Sometimes I write a complete letter expressing all my anger, how unjust l believe the criticism to be, and all the things I dislike about the critic. Then I file that letter in my folder of unsent letters and compose a letter with a positive, loving response. Written responses aren’t usually necessary unless the criticism comes in the mail; but if it is called for, don’t allow feelings of frustration to spill over in your letter. You will always regret sending angly letters.
3. Focus on solutions, not problems. Enlist the help of the critic in searching for solutions. This will subtly bring the two of you together, and will move you from the narrow confines of the problem to the broader field of possibilities for an appropriate plan of action. It’s surprising how often the simple question, “What can be done?” will soften the anger of criticism and turn it toward positive action.
4. Maintain a pastoral perspective. It’s always easy- to underestimate the problems of another person. The critic often is troubled by problems wholly unrelated to the verbalized reaction. I ask myself a simple question three different ways in every critical situation:
First, “Why is ale telling me this now?” Who is the critic? What is going on in his life? What are his problems? What are his secret wounds?
Second, “Why is he telling me(7 this now?’ What have I done k) precipitate this incident? What is our previous relationship and how does it affect this situation? What does he expect me to do about this?
Finally, “Why is he telling me this now?” What is the timing of the critical moment? What factors have influenced this situation? What is the immediate precipitation and how is it related to other episodes?
Somehow the church leader must see through the criticism to the person. Only love can cure. Anger will not; defensiveness cannot; even being right is not enough. Showing love in your response is part of your vocation.
5. Keep your eyes on the overall objectives. If you allow all the little daily irritations and frustrations to consume your energies, you’ll never achieve the big victories and your ultimate goals. The best antidote for everyday problems is a reexamination of your direction and prayerful consideration of your goals. Then lift your faltering vision to the important commitment of your ministry.
It was Theodore Roosevelt who wrote: “It is no the critic who counts, not the one who points of how the strong man stumbles or how the doer deeds might have done better. The credit belongs | the man who is actually in the arena; whose face | marred with sweat and dust and blood; who strives valiantly, who errs and comes short again and again; who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, and spends himself in a worthy cause; who, if he fails at least fails while daring greatly, that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat.”
-William Boggs, pastor
First Church of the Nazarene
Los Angeles, California
Copyright © 1981 by the author or Christianity Today/Leadership Journal. Click here for reprint information on Leadership Journal.
