Joy to the Mall!: An American Parody of Luke 2

And it came to pass in those days, that there went out a decree from the U.S. Treasury, that all of America should go shopping. 2(And this decree was first made when leading economic indicators dipped to their lowest point.) 3And all went out to shop, each to his own mall.

4And a Christian also went up from his suburban home to the city with its many malls because he wanted to prove he was from the household of prosperity. 5And with him was his wife, who was great with economic worry. 6And so it was, that, while they were there, they found many expensive presents, pudgy-faced dolls, trucks that turn into robots, and a various assortment of video games. 7And the woman wrote checks for those they could afford and charged the rest on many different kinds of plastic cards; she wrapped the presents in bright paper and laid them in the garage; for there was no room for them in her closet.

8And there were in the same county children keeping watch over their stockings by night. 9And, lo, Santa Claus came upon them; and they were sore afraid (expecting to see the special effects they had seen in the movies), 10And Santa said to them, “Fear not; for behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people who can afford this holiday. 11For unto you will be given this day, in your suburban home, great feasts of turkey, dressing, and cake—and many presents. 12And this shall be a sign unto you: you shall find the presents, wrapped in bright paper, lying beneath an artificial tree adorned with tinsel, colored balls, and lights.”

13And suddenly there was with Santa Claus a multitude of relatives and friends, praising one another and saying, 14“Glory to you for getting me this gift; it’s just what I wanted.”

15And it came to pass, as the friends and relatives were gone away into their own homes, the parents said to one another, 16“I sure am glad that’s over. What a mess! I’m too tired to clean it up now. Let’s go to bed and pick it up tomorrow.” 17And when they had said this, they remembered the statement that had been told to them by the storekeepers: “Christmas comes only once a year.” 18And they that heard it wondered at those things that were sold to them by the storekeepers, 19But the children treasured all their things in their hearts, hoarding their toys from each other. 20And the parents, after a drink, went to bed, glorifying and praising each other for all the bargains they had found in the stores.

By Chris Dolson, pastor of the Shreveport Bible Church, Shreveport, Louisiana.

Our Latest

Excerpt

There’s No Such Thing as a ‘Proper’ Christmas Carol

As we learn from the surprising journeys of several holiday classics, the term defies easy definition.

Advent Calls Us Out of Our Despair

Sitting in the dark helps us truly appreciate the light.

Glory to God in the Highest Calling

Motherhood is honorable, but being a disciple of Jesus is every woman’s primary biblical vocation.

Advent Doesn’t Have to Make Sense

As a curator, I love how contemporary art makes the world feel strange. So does the story of Jesus’ birth.

Public Theology Project

The Star of Bethlehem Is a Zodiac Killer

How Christmas upends everything that draws our culture to astrology.

News

As Malibu Burns, Pepperdine Withstands the Fire

University president praises the community’s “calm resilience” as students and staff shelter in place in fireproof buildings.

The Russell Moore Show

My Favorite Books of 2024

Ashley Hales, CT’s editorial director for print, and Russell discuss this year’s reads.

News

The Door Is Now Open to Churches in Nepal

Seventeen years after the former Hindu kingdom became a secular state, Christians have a pathway to legal recognition.

Apple PodcastsDown ArrowDown ArrowDown Arrowarrow_left_altLeft ArrowLeft ArrowRight ArrowRight ArrowRight Arrowarrow_up_altUp ArrowUp ArrowAvailable at Amazoncaret-downCloseCloseEmailEmailExpandExpandExternalExternalFacebookfacebook-squareGiftGiftGooglegoogleGoogle KeephamburgerInstagraminstagram-squareLinkLinklinkedin-squareListenListenListenChristianity TodayCT Creative Studio Logologo_orgMegaphoneMenuMenupausePinterestPlayPlayPocketPodcastRSSRSSSaveSaveSaveSearchSearchsearchSpotifyStitcherTelegramTable of ContentsTable of Contentstwitter-squareWhatsAppXYouTubeYouTube