Orange County, hippies, bronzed bodies, fast-lane lifestyle, and sexual purity-which element doesn't fit?
In December 1965, part-time pastor, part-time mobile-home remodeler Chuck Smith became pastor of the two dozen members of Calvary Chapel in Costa Mesa, California. Chuck reached out to the flower children, and before long thousands of converts, a new sound for Christian music, and a host of daughter churches wrote Chuck's name indelibly in the history of the Jesus People movement.
That was a generation ago. Today Chuck is still pastoring, his ministry in many ways a field hospital for those wounded in the sexual revolution. Not far from the singles bars and the bare-facts beaches, Calvary Chapel has maintained a consistent message of biblical morality to people who have seen it all. And now the church ministers as well to the children of the former flower children.
There's something refreshingly unpretentious about Chuck and his megachurch: Both appear casual yet driven, laid-back yet rock-solid. LEADERSHIP editors Kevin Miller and Jim Berkley met with Chuck to find the answer to a question that increasingly challenges every pastor: How do you hold up sexual morality to a hang-loose culture?
In your early days at Calvary Chapel, how did the issues of sexual morality confront you?
That was the age of the hippies, and social rules were breaking down. To give you an example, my daughter was in high school at the time, and she had a teacher say he envied the kids growing up in this generation because they didn't have any hang-ups with sex and they could freely indulge. I thought that was horrible. It was encouraging immorality.
Back in my generation, we had stronger mores. Promiscuity was looked down upon; we were challenged to present ourselves pure to our future husband or wife. In the last generation, churches have faced a different cultural milieu. There's no societal consensus on what sexual morality is.
How has that most affected the people in your congregation?
It shows up in the counseling room because of the painful disappointments, the shattered lives. People have gotten sexually involved without the commitment of marriage. They give the rationale, "As long as it's an expression of love, isn't it all right?"
But I ask, "What kind of love?" True love demands commitment, a willingness to pledge ourselves in a bond of faithfulness before God.
Uncommitted love can't be very deep. Thus, the relationship they're looking for isn't there. When it breaks up, they're devastated. Shattered relationships bring to us people who are broken.
Another way it shows up is with unwanted pregnancy. When whatever form of birth control they've been practicing doesn't work, they have to face the dilemma of Do I keep the child? Some have opted for abortion, and we're counseling people who cannot get over the fact that they destroyed a life ten or twelve years ago. They still spend sleepless nights thinking about what they did. Some come to us upset over the fact that because of an earlier abortion they can't get pregnant now that they want to.
The so-called free love winds up exacting a high price.
Do you see any changes taking place?
All of a sudden, the brakes are being put on by the fear of AIDS and herpes and chlamydia. It has radically changed things in the last couple of years.
It used to be that the swinging singles crowd here in Orange County would clog the night club parking lots on Friday nights. The guys and gals would go to find someone to spend the weekend with. Now when I drive by, there are fewer cars, and some clubs have gone out of business.
Other clubs are issuing cards to people who test AIDS-free, but the day after you get the card you may have sex with a person with AIDS, and that would invalidate the whole thing. It gives a false security, but the clubs are trying anything now to enhance attendance and create again that illusion of free sex without responsibility.
You attract a lot of unchurched people to Calvary Chapel. How has the sexual revolution affected the attitudes they bring into church life?
We see the different mind-set reflected more in the adult singles fellowship than any other group. The adult singles are usually single because one of the marriage partners has taken to the sexual revolution and become unfaithful, thus adding to the statistics of broken marriages. Usually the ones left behind end up here in the adult fellowship.
Divorce is a traumatic experience that leaves people sexually vulnerable because they feel rejected and unworthy. They seek to be assured again of their beauty or desirability, and many seek that assurance sexually. And, of course, having been married and having experienced sex, they also tend to be less inhibited.
Adult singles represent a large percentage of our population today. It's vital to minister to this segment of our society, but in so doing, we have to deal in a strong way with biblical values and morals.
How do you do that?
We have our Friday night singles fellowship, but that isn't our only ministry. My method of teaching the Word of God is to go straight through the Bible. As I'm covering a book, whenever I get to the issues of fornication or adultery, I don't dodge them.
They're not always popular subjects, but I've got to relate what the Word of God has to say on these issues. I don't soften it. I try to be just as straight as God's Word in declaring the standards God has set.
I realize all of us-married or single-have problems with our fleshly desires warring with the Spirit. But it seems everybody wants special dispensations for their particular problem, as if theirs were incurable: "Well, I'm just not made to find satisfaction with only one woman. It's my nature to have a variety of sexual partners."
We have to face the fact that as long as we're living in this body, we're going to be confronted with sexual temptations, whether homosexual desires or extramarital attraction. We've got to determine to obey God, to be true to the commandments of Scripture, no matter what our particular temptations may be.
When your teaching doesn't sink in, do you ever have to step in more forcefully? Let's say a fellow is cruising your adult singles group as he would a Friday-night bar-what do you do?
I see myself in the role of a shepherd watching over a flock, so it's my responsibility to protect my flock from wolves.
Recently I've gotten reports from two or three sources that a certain man has slept with three women in the singles fellowship. I have an appointment to talk with him. I'll let him know that's not what we're about. And if it persists, I'll tell him we don't want him to attend the singles fellowship anymore; he's not welcome until he returns with repentance and confession. I'll also say that if we see him getting close to any woman, we'll feel obligated to warn her of his history of declaring his love only to get sex.
It's the same thing with a woman; if we find that she's enticing one guy after another, we let her know she's not welcome.
Has this practice caused you any difficulties?
We don't stand up in public and disfellowship or excommunicate these people; we do it within the confines of the office, warning them and those they might harm.
How do you handle divorce?
With a group this large, it's inevitable that divorces are going to happen.
The Scriptures list just causes for divorce. Jesus said, "Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication [he made the exception there], and shall marry another, committeth adultery" (Matt. 19:9). What the Lord made an exception, we consider an exception.
We don't encourage the innocent party-the one left behind, whose spouse moved in with or married another-to stay single, because that's an extremely difficult lifestyle, especially when there are children involved.
The Lord recognized "it is not good that man should live alone." Paul said that if the unbelieving partner is not content to remain with the believer, let that person depart; the abandoned one is not under bondage (1 Cor. 7:15). We interpret that: "If an unbelieving spouse who's not content with you as a Christian says 'I'm splitting' and goes out and gets married to somebody else, then you're free to remarry."
We have Calvary Chapel pastors who before accepting Christ were married and divorced, and when we met them they were living with their second wife. They brought that background when they came to Christ. We look at that as: "If any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new" (2 Cor. 5:17).
We're looking at a young man right now to bring on staff. His wife left him eight years ago, and he did everything he could from a biblical standpoint to reconcile. She has now married another man, and he has remained pure. He plans to get married here soon, but that past shouldn't exclude him from giving his life in service to the Lord.
We realize divorce is not God's best; it's an accommodation when a person's heart is so hard that he or she will not yield to God's Word.
What do you do when unwed couples who are living together want to become members of the church or active in church fellowship?
If word comes to us that a couple is living together, one of our pastors will talk to them privately but plainly, saying that the Bible speaks against living together while unmarried.
We don't go out looking for these couples, but one comes to our attention nearly every month, and we feel we have to confront the issue head-on.
If a cohabiting couple comes to be married, we'll tell them we can't marry them in the church unless they will live separately until the time of marriage. We will not perform the sacred vows for them until they have made a scriptural kind of response to God's expectations for them.
How do couples usually respond?
Usually with indignation. The two have developed their own rationale for why they should be an exception to God's rules. They don't like to be told we don't consider their case exceptional.
But we've had many cases where we failed to get through to the one but we got through to the other. Usually one of them has not been walking with the Lord, and he or she talks the other into thinking the relationship is okay. The convincer tries to justify it by saying, "Well, we love each other, and it's not economically feasible to get married right now" or "I'm not totally free from my other encumbrance yet, but as long as we love each other and plan to get married some day, this is okay."
We find the one who is more spiritually sensitive will often respond positively when he or she realizes, Hey, this is a serious matter, so serious that it's threatening my relationship to the church, which I consider important. This one will often break off the relationship at that point, which usually angers the one who has been pushing the thing.
We marry people all the time who have lived together, but these are the ones who, when they faced the counselor, decided to live separately for a time. Many have made that separation and remained pure until the wedding in order to proclaim their commitment before the Lord.
Sometimes the "under-churched" haven't picked up all the church conventions, such as not wearing revealing clothing to church functions. How do you handle that problem?
We ignore it. I learned quite a lesson back in the days of the Jesus People movement. One Monday night, I had a gal come in and sit right in the front with a blouse that was unbuttoned to her navel. My first thought was, Is that any way to come to church? I was tempted to blast the kids that night about the way we should dress to honor God.
But the Lord convinced me to hold off on that one and just bring them the Word and God's love. When I gave the invitation, that young girl was the first one forward. She became a stable member of our group and never again came to church in that condition. And I thought, I could have driven her away!
So reaching that life was of greater concern than the propriety of her attire.
That's right. Another example: some of our guys have mentioned that girls are coming to our Monday-night meetings in running shorts so short they expose a portion of the lower anatomy. It's a stumbling block for them.
Some people want me to preach about it, to lay down the law. But I've found that darkness is best expelled by turning on the light. When the light of God's love and Jesus Christ come into a person's life, the darkness has to go. I teach about modesty when I cover those sections of Scripture, and when I bring people into the light, they seem to conform themselves from then on.
In what ways can pastors safeguard their own sexual purity?
Actually, there are three common areas of temptation for any minister: sex, money, and glory. We have to take safeguards in each.
For sex in particular, pastors have endangered themselves in counseling situations. It's easy for a woman who is being rejected at home by an uninterested husband who spends no time with her to be thrilled by a pastoral counselor who actually listens. She begins to pour out her heart to the pastor, who has sympathy and understanding, who assures her of her value as a person and gives her the support she needs. Suddenly she fancies herself in love with the pastor. She begins to fantasize how wonderful it would be to be the wife of this kind man who loves the Lord so much and spends time in prayer. That electricity begins.
We're all human; we love the admiration and attention. We don't discourage it; we don't want to hinder the, uh, "work that God might be doing in her heart." Not wanting to reject her-after all, she is hurting-we begin to rationalize and accept this affection. In Satan's cleverness, that's how we can easily find ourselves in an unsavory situation.
This same dynamic can happen in any kind of relationship where two persons are thrown together in a common endeavor. That's why the pastor's secretary or another active worker is often where the pastor turns. He may feel his wife isn't fully supportive of his ministry.
A wife may ask him on Friday night, "Why do you have to make that pastoral call? You saw them last week." She seems to be hindering his ministry, whereas the secretary is there assisting the ministry, willing to stay overtime if need be, and they feel the closeness of being drawn together in a mutual ministry.
How much affection do you allow yourself to show toward female parishioners?
When a woman comes up and hugs me, I can't just pull away. I'd appear awfully cold and unfeeling. But for those who I suspect find the hugs more meaningful than I intend, I'll pick up a child to hold if I see them coming. That effectively wards off inappropriate hugs! After two or three times, it becomes obvious I'm not seeking to promote physical affection.
When people are going through deep trials, however, and I know they're hurting, a hand on the shoulder-some touch-is very meaningful. Touch can be a very healthy means of displaying concern. But it's always possible that the agape kind of love can be misinterpreted as eros, so I have to remember that I'm doing this as God's representative, showing them God's concern.
We can't be cold and unresponsive, because the people will then view God as cold and unresponsive. And yet, there is that balance. We dare not let it get to the point that it could be interpreted as eros. If that's the message they're getting through our touch, we have to back off and hold our own hands when we pray. We have to be careful with touch, because we're not there for an erotic purpose.
We're in deepest danger when the erotic appears kind of good to us, when we're seeking to feed our own ego. It's tragic for any of us to take advantage of the ministry as something to fill our own ego needs.
As you see so many lives hurt by sexual impurity, what gives you the courage to continue ministering?
God gave us his laws to protect us. People so often view the Law of God in such a wrong way-condemning and restricting-rather than something that brings beneficial and enjoyable results. In reality, violating God's Law brings sorrow, misery, hopelessness, and despair.
The misuse of our sexuality is a cause-and-effect proposition. God says, "If you do these things, you're going to hurt yourself and others." I want the fellowship to learn the wisdom of the Law of God: God isn't trying to keep us from having a great time; God's trying to protect us from calamity.
Sometimes when I'm driving on the freeway and somebody recklessly cuts in on me, I feel tremendously angry. My temptation is to lean on the horn and shake my fist at the jerk. After all, he's endangering my life and the lives of my grandchildren with me, and even his own life. I want to protest loudly.
But then as God deals with those feelings, he replaces them with a prayer: "O God, help us all to get home safely. People like that guy are crazy. It's only a matter of time until they're going to hurt someone if they continue like that, so Lord, please get us and him home safely."
When I see the devastation, the wreckage, that sexual promiscuity has wrought, again I want to scream: "You fools! Don't you know you're going to hurt yourselves and those around you? Can't you see we'll all lose if you keep on like that?"
But again, God calms me down and replaces my frustrated cry with a prayer: "Lord, they're crazy. They're going to hurt somebody. Help them to get home safely. And help me to show them the way."
Copyright © 1988 by the author or Christianity Today/Leadership Journal. Click here for reprint information on Leadership Journal.
