A few weeks ago I called a church member, a mechanic, to see if he’d agree to oversee the maintenance on our church van. It turned out to be a case study on the pressures pastors feel to let others use (and abuse?) their time.
“Hey, Rick, it’s great you called,” he said, as soon as he picked up the phone. “I was going to call you today and ask you a favor.”
Wonderful, I thought to myself. If he asks me a favor first and I say yes, then he will feel more obliged to help us out, too.
“What a coincidence-why don’t you ask first,” I suggested.
“Well, we have this city chamber event on Saturday afternoon, three weeks from now,” he said. “We’d like you to be the emcee. Are you free that day?” (That was probably a double message: check your calendar, and be aware we want you gratis-no honorarium.)
My wife and I had a day trip planned for that Saturday. But, wanting him to help me, I said, “Well, I’ve got a conflict that day, but maybe I can get out of it. I’ll try to rearrange my schedule.” Rather than saying no, which I wanted to do, I was trying to bend (albeit manipulatively) to fit his and the church’s needs.
“That would be wonderful,” he said. “Now, what did you need?”
I told him our need, stressing the maintenance wouldn’t be too time-consuming.
“I’d love to help you, Rick,” he quickly responded, “but I’m really a busy guy, and I’m over-committed right now. Sorry. But thanks for being willing to help us out. Talk to you later.”
I hung up the phone, dumbfounded. My secretary, who had witnessed the whole thing, was laughing.
“That’s not fair,” I protested. “Why can he say no so easily, and I can’t? What’s wrong with me?”
Figuring out who I am and who God wants me to be is no small task. So is living out that design, not conforming to what others want me to be.
That episode helped me reconsider the things I agree to do. It even gave me courage to call the mechanic back and tell him I couldn’t change that other appointment after all.
-Rick Stedman
Crossroads Christian Church
Corona, California
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