During seminary, I was invited to serve as interim pastor in a church whose position on baptism differed from mine. Accepting this call was a difficult decision (for a reflective pastor, most decisions are).
But the process I went through illustrates one way to balance conviction and honest self-doubt.
Until I received this invitation, I never thought through my theology of baptism, much less defended it. Now with a job interview quickly approaching, I had new motivation to ask, “What do I believe about the mode and subjects of baptism?” Reflective pastors are uncertain about many things, but of this I was certain: my answer to this question would determine whether or not this seminarian, with a young family to support, would be hired.
I prayed, studied the relevant Scripture passages, and read my systematic theology looks. After I had applied my skills of analysis, deduction, and research, the best I could come up with was “I wish the Scriptures were more clear!” Both views had scriptural support, both enjoyed a rich history, and dedicated Christian advocates stood on both sides of the debate.
With the interview quickly approaching, I had to untangle in one week what theologians had wrestled with for centuries.
In the midst of that quandary, writing became a helpful tool. My journals and letters were sprinkled (and sometimes immersed) with words like wrestling, confused, struggling, ambivalent, puzzle, and mystery. Expressing self-doubt in private on paper–risk-free vulnerability–was therapeutic.
But a pastoral candidate needs to offer more than a shrug when asked about this important doctrine. I wanted certainty. I wanted truth. I wanted the job!
After weighing the arguments on both sides and even toying temporarily with the notion of changing views, I made a decision. Granted, it wasn’t a very strong decision. Both views still seemed to have merit. But I concluded that the weight of Scripture tipped the scale in favor of my tradition.
BAPTISM BY FIRE
This left me with several awkward options.
Would I try to convert the church to my view? I had neither the inclination nor the doctrinal savvy to attempt such a feat. Besides, who was I to disagree with the theological giants on the other side?
Would I keep my doctrinal leanings a secret? Hardly. I needed to be a candid candidate. Integrity demanded that I state my view.
Thirty minutes into the interview they asked, “Did you read our doctrinal statement?” I said yes.
“Do you agree with it?”
“I agree with all but one part,” I answered. “My background and understanding of Scripture is different than yours regarding baptism.” I explained briefly my position.
The board member who, I’d been warned, was an “imperative person,” said, “I can’t really say why we hold this view on baptism. I’ve never been challenged to know why I believe that. I guess it’s like politics. My folks were Democrats so I’m a Democrat.”
I was dumbfounded. I was supposed to be the vulnerable one! I thought I was the only reflective Christian around! Expecting a battle, I encountered little resistance. For this I spent all that time in soul-searching agony?
They assured me they believed in justification by faith, not works. I assured them I would not be divisive or create controversy on the issue, though my conscience would forbid me from practicing certain types of baptisms. I spoke with confidence. We struck a happy compromise by asking another denominational pastor to take responsibility for teaching on and doing the baptizing.
Several days later I received an invitation to become their pastor. Since the job was an interim position, we agreed we could temporarily overlook our doctrinal disagreements and focus our attention on the great truths of Christianity we had in common.
The three years as interim pastor passed quickly, and I enjoyed a fruitful first pastorate. Even though I refrained from teaching on baptism, I was able to teach with conviction and certainty on dozens of relevant Christian issues.
God blessed. The church grew. I think I even have achieved a touch of notoriety. They called me the Lutheran Baptist.
Copyright (c) 1995 Christianity Today, Inc./LEADERSHIP Journal
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Copyright © 1994 by the author or Christianity Today/Leadership Journal. Click here for reprint information on Leadership Journal.
