Pastors

Doctors of Spin

A district superintendent often assists local churches in their search for new pastors. If the D.S. calls you as a potential candidate, the D.S. will try to give you a feel for the congregation. To help pastors translate these assessments, we submit the following list:

When the District Superintendent says, “I just need someone to go in there and love the people.”

What the D.S. means is, This group is on the verge of a major church split.

D.S. SAYS: “This church simply needs an injection of new life.”

D.S. MEANS: The senior adult class constitutes 90 percent of the membership.

D.S. SAYS: “There’s a good core of young marrieds in the church.”

D.S. MEANS: The young marrieds Sunday school class has been going for 42 years, and they haven’t bothered to change their name.

D.S. SAYS: “This congregation has an involved, well-mobilized laity.”

D.S. MEANS: They’ve demanded recall votes of the last six pastors.

D.S. SAYS: “With a little bit of time, this church could bust loose.”

D.S. MEANS: The most cantankerous church boss is experiencing health problems and may die soon.

D.S. SAYS: “This church offers a competitive salary package.”

D.S. MEANS: It’s on par with what the cashier at Wal-Mart makes.

D.S. SAYS: “This church features uplifting music.”

D.S. MEANS: The organist is so bad she makes your hair stand on end.

D.S. SAYS: “The building is highly visible.”

D.S. MEANS: The property is located so far off the beaten path that there’s open space for miles around.

D.S. SAYS: “The leadership is very, very stable.”

D.S. MEANS: The last time there was turnover on the church board was during the Eisenhower administration

D.S. SAYS: “You won’t believe the benefits.”

D.S. MEANS: There are none.

D.S. SAYS: “I know you’re the one for the job.”

D.S. MEANS: Please take this assignment so I can spend more time on the golf course.

—Brad Edgbert, Joe Shreffler Scott Thornton, John WhitsettNorthern California District Church of the Nazarene

1996 Christianity Today/LEADERSHIP Journal

Our Latest

News

Meet the Evangelical Expats Staying in Lebanon

Shout to the Lord in a Foreign Language

Worshiping God with words we don’t understand may seem strange. But I consider it a spiritual practice.

Jesus Is Still Right About Persecution

Nine truths believers need to understand to pray well for the suffering body of Christ.

The Bulletin

Electioneering

The Bulletin discusses the final presidential campaign push, churches in the age of screens, and the UN’s work in Gaza.

News

Argentina Moves to Officially Celebrate Its Evangelicals

Leaders are grateful for the government recognition but hope for further progress.

All Saints Die

Our yearly reminder for Christians neither to run from nor to leap toward death, but to learn the art of dying well.

 

 

 

 

The Antidote to Election Anxiety

My community is the kind you see in articles hyping the threat of political violence. Reality is more mundane—and hopeful.

News

Steven Curtis Chapman Joins Country Music Royalty

The Christian music star is the first in the industry to become a member of the Grand Ole Opry.

Apple PodcastsDown ArrowDown ArrowDown Arrowarrow_left_altLeft ArrowLeft ArrowRight ArrowRight ArrowRight Arrowarrow_up_altUp ArrowUp ArrowAvailable at Amazoncaret-downCloseCloseEmailEmailExpandExpandExternalExternalFacebookfacebook-squareGiftGiftGooglegoogleGoogle KeephamburgerInstagraminstagram-squareLinkLinklinkedin-squareListenListenListenChristianity TodayCT Creative Studio Logologo_orgMegaphoneMenuMenupausePinterestPlayPlayPocketPodcastRSSRSSSaveSaveSaveSearchSearchsearchSpotifyStitcherTelegramTable of ContentsTable of Contentstwitter-squareWhatsAppXYouTubeYouTube