AGING
Jeanne Calment, at 120 years and counting, is the oldest living human who’s birth date can be authenticated. When recently asked to describe her vision for the future, she replied, “Very brief.”
From Win Arn comes another quip about an aging woman. When the reporter asked the birthday girl what she like best about being 102 years old, she answered, “No peer pressure.”
Finally, John Fetterman, rector of Grace Episcopal Church in Madison, Wisconsin told of an elderly woman who died last April. Having never married, she requested no male pallbearers. In her handwritten instructions for her memorial service, she wrote, “They wouldn’t take me out while I was alive, I don’t want them to take me out when I’m dead.”
—From Homiletics, Jan-Mar 96
ASSUMPTIONS
In “Point Man,” Steve Farrar tells this story:
The photographer for a national magazine was assigned to shoot a great forest fire. He was told that a small plane would be waiting to take him over the fire.
He arrived at the airstrip just an hour before sundown. Sure enough the Cessna was waiting. He jumped in with his equipment and shouted, “Let’s go!” The pilot swung the plane into the wind and soon they were in the air.
“Fly over the north side of the fire,” said the photographer, “and make several low-level passes.”
“Why?” asked the nervous pilot.
“Because I’m going to take pictures!” retorted the photographer. “I’m a photographer, and photographers take pictures.”
After a long pause, the pilot replied. “You mean, you’re not the instructor?”
—Ron WilloughbyAugusta, Georgia
DOUBT
The only thing that casts doubt on the miracles of Jesus is that they were all witnessed by fishermen.
—A Wisconsin fishing guide
FINGER POINTING
At bedtime, Lillian Holcomb told her two grandsons a Bible story, then asked if they knew what the word sin meant. Seven-year-old Keith spoke up: “It’s when you do something bad.” Four-year-old Aaron’s eyes widened. “I know a big sin Keith did today.”
Annoyed, Keith turned to his little brother: “You take care of your sins, and I’ll take care of mine.”
—The Christian Reader (Jan.-Feb./95)
PARENTING
Did you know there’s a special chain letter for parents? It reads:
Dear Friend: This chain letter is meant to bring relief and happiness to you. Unlike other chain letters, this one does not cost money. Simply send a copy of this letter to six other parents who are tired of their teenagers. Then bundle yours up and send him or her to the parent at the bottom of the list.
In one week, you will receive 16,436 teenagers—and one of them should be worth keeping. Warning: One dad broke the chain and got his own teenager back.
—Roger PoupartKaufman, Texas
PRAYER
Herb Miller wrote in Connecting with God:
When a nightclub opened on Main Street, the only church in that small town organized an all-night prayer meeting. The members asked God to burn down the club. Within a few minutes, lightning struck the club, and it burned to the ground. The owner sued the church, which denied responsibility.
After hearing both sides, the judge said, “It seems that wherever the guilt may lie, the nightclub owner believes in prayer, while the church doesn’t.”
WORSHIP
A woman entered a Haagen-Dasz store on the Kansas City Plaza for an ice-cream cone. After making her selection, she turned and found herself face to face with Paul Newman, in town filming the movie Mr. & Mrs. Bridge. He smiled and said hello. Newman’s blue eyes caused her knees to shake.
She managed to pay for her cone, then left the shop, heart pounding. When she gained her composure, she realized she didn’t have her snack. She started back into the store to get it and met Newman at the door.
“Are you looking for your ice cream?” he asked. She nodded, unable to speak. “You put it in your purse with your change.”
When was the last time the presence of God quickened our pulse?
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What’s made you laugh—and made a point? Send us clean, fresh, funny stories. For items used, Leadership will pay $35. If the material has been published, please indicate the source. Send submissions to: To Quip … , LEADERSHIP, 465 Gundersen Drive, Carol Stream, IL 60188.
1996 Christianity Today/LEADERSHIP Journal
