AGING
Jeanne Calment is the oldest living human whose age can be verified. On her 120th birthday, she was asked to describe her vision for the future. “Very brief,” she said.
—Clark CothernTecumseh, Michigan
Another woman was asked the benefits of living to the age of 102. After a pause, she answered, “No peer pressure!”
—Win ArnArcadia, California
Finally, John Fetterman, rector of Grace Episcopal Church in Madison, Wisconsin, told of an elderly woman who died. Having never married, she requested no male pallbearers. In her instructions for her memorial service, she wrote, “They wouldn’t take me out while I was alive; I don’t want them to take me out when I’m dead.”
—Homiletics(Jan-Mar/96)
EVANGELISM
Officer Tori Matthews of the Southern California Humane Society got an emergency call: a boy’s pet iguana had been scared up a tree by a neighbor’s dog. It then fell from the tree into a swimming pool, where it sank like a brick. Officer Matthews came with her net. She dived into the pool, emerging seconds later with the pet’s limp body.
As the Arizona Republic (2/14/95) reported, she thought, Well, you do CPR on a person and a dog, why not an iguana? So she put her lips to the iguana’s.
“Now that I look back on it,” she said, “it was a pretty ugly animal to be kissing, but the last thing I wanted to do was tell this little boy that his iguana had died.” The lizard responded to her efforts and is expected to make a full recovery.
Tori Matthews didn’t see a water-logged reptile; she saw a little boy’s beloved pet. We may never see the beauty in some people, but when we realize how much they mean to God, we’ll do what we can to keep them from drowning.
GRACE
Heaven goes by favor. If it went by merit, you would stay out, and your dog would go in.
—Mark Twain
HUMILITY
A sign on a department store dressing room mirror:
“Objects in mirror may appear bigger than they actually are.”
—Hope Health Letter (12/95)
JOB SATISFACTION
Buffalo Bills offensive lineman Glenn Parker speculated as to why NFL linemen are generally cheerful: “There are not a lot of well-paying jobs for 300-pounders. We found one, and we’re happy about it.”
—Chicago Tribune
MEN AND WOMEN
One little girl sang a slightly different version of the Gloria Patri one Sunday morning:
“World with weird men, Amen! Amen!”
—Deanna HendersenChristian Reader
THRIFT
Ronald Warwick, captain of the luxury cruise ship Queen Elizabeth II, questioned a passenger who paid full fare for his dog to join them on an around-the-world cruise. (Accommodations range from $25,000 to $150,000.) “Wouldn’t it have cost less to leave him at home?”
“Oh no,” the man said. “When we are away a long time, the dog’s psychiatrist fees are so high, it’s less expensive to bring him along.”
—USA Today (10/25/95)
What’s made you laugh—and made a point? Send us clean, fresh, funny stories. For items used, Leadership will pay $35. If the material has been published, please indicate the source. Send submissions to: To Quip … , Leadership, 465 Gundersen Drive, Carol Stream, IL 60188.
1996 Christianity Today/LEADERSHIP Journal
