Behind the Curtain
Subj: Leadership cartoon Date: 99-10-19 16:24:28 EDT From: rsuggs56@yahoo.com (Rob Suggs) To: kmiller@ChristianityToday.com (Kevin Miller)
Try to pretend I haven’t forsaken cartooning for as long as it took Jacob to earn a wife. Be casual. Don’t make any sudden moves. I’ll try not to go skittering back into the forest. This took courage on my part, a life-or-death grappling with my fear of rejection. For five long years I labored over this caption, fine-tuning it, straining for months on a single adverbial clause. It had to be perfect; it had to be no less than the greatest LEADERSHIP cartoon ever published.
I spent months closeted away, with my wife leaving a cup of water and a single slice of diet bread by the door. I missed my child’s bar mitzvah (okay, I made that part up). Demons raged over my tormented soul as I fought delirium. Only The Caption mattered. The Caption. The Caption.
Day, night, seasons—these things had no meaning for me. Like Michelangelo, like Edison, like Bob Tilton before me, I had to do what no man dared do before. Now I have emerged. Here is my … my masterpiece. The single gag I was placed on this earth to create.
What do you think? Does this sound like LEADERSHIP material? [Caption seen on this page was attached.]
Take your time. I’m almost certain not to do anything drastic should rejection rear its ugly head.
From: Kevin Miller To: Rob Suggs
I’ve forwarded your cartoon idea to Marshall Shelley, who’s now handling those responsibilities.
From: Rob Suggs To: Kevin Miller
I sit awaiting the verdict of the Master of Ministerial Merriment. I stare at the starry sky. I hear each tick of the clock, an existential self-contained unit of time, dividing the moments leading to personal exhilaration and cosmic oneness—or to despair, to the annihilation of hope itself. Whatever happens, please feel no personal responsibility.
Bleakly, Rob
From: Marshall Shelley To: Rob Suggs
I couldn’t tell from your e-mail, but I assume you’re willing to draw the cartoon as well as write the caption. If so, send it; we’ll consider it. Glad you’re back in the game.
From: Rob Suggs To: Marshall Shelley
Marshall, my very good FRIEND. Let me say this. I’m not going to cry. No, I’m … wait a minute. Sorry. I said I wasn’t going to do this. (Sniff. Throat-clear.)
Thank you. Yes, I will draw it as well, with the last of my waning strength. I’m now only the remains of a once chubby and lively man, having given my life to the writing of that caption. At 73 pounds, between intravenous feedings, I summoned the strength to write the words. Soon I’ll be in physical therapy to gain the strength to actually draw the cartoon. And I have to show the nurses I can be trusted with a sharp pencil, but I’m sure that will be okay. They’re even talking about wheeling me out into the fresh air this weekend!
It will be a fine cartoon, I promise. My style is very exciting now, since I have no control at all of my drawing hand.
By the way, I’m enclosing my right ear as an attachment.
—The artist formerly known as Rob Suggs
Subj: The White Bird Flies at Midnight To: Marshall Shelley
Hope you caught the coded subject title. You never know when the CIA is reading your e-mail. Don’t make eye contact. Just listen. The White Bird flew by next-day air—singing a TOON. Nests in Carol Stream early morning. If anyone asks, this conversation never happened, got that? Now walk away. Slowly.
—The Inkman
“I first crossed paths with today’s special guest speaker when I happened upon his domain, www.brother-neds-nuggets.com. I noticed how many common ministry links he shared with my page, www.pastor-melvin-friend-of-the-broken-hearted.com. I hyper-linked his site, he hyper-linked mine, and we’re chums forever!”
To: Rob Suggs From: Marshall Shelley
Sorry, Rob. It doesn’t quite work. I’m afraid we’re not able to publish it.
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