“Last issue, I talked about the 5 Shadows of Leaders — deep, unconscious beliefs, such as “It all depends on me,” that cause harm to the leader and harm to other people.
One reader replied, “The diagnosis is challenging, but the ‘cure’ is hardly addressed.” Wrote another, “What kind of things can a person like me do to get out of this mindset?”
I realized only then that I had failed to write a prescription for the disease. Let me continue the conversation, then, by talking about How to Treat a Case of the Shadows.
There are two ways to get out of the “it all depends on me” mindset, or other ones like it:
1. The Easy-Now-Hard-Later approach.
In this approach, you keep going, doing too much. You don’t have time to really deal with the internal early-warning system that something’s wrong. You get progressively more angry and frustrated (“Why does everyone else move so slow? Why can’t anyone else do it right?”). What finally stops you in your tracks is something major: an illness, a job crisis, a relationship meltdown. For me, a hard head, it took a jet-ski accident and church crisis and job restructuring to get my attention. Surely the readers of this newsletter are smarter than this and won’t need such means to begin the process of change.
2. The Start-Now-Despite-The-Difficulty approach.
In this treatment approach, you begin by admitting the fundamental problem is not the people around you; it’s you. You take the time to listen to your soul, to find healing for it. You find what ministers to you and helps you change, and you use a crowbar, if necessary, to make room for those in your life.
Here are some things I have found helpful; your list may be different: —a small group where I could be really honest —people praying for me and laying hands on me —honest journaling about questions like, “If I don’t ‘succeed,’ why is that so bad?” —insightful reading, like The Seeking Heart by Fenelon —a 4-5 day retreat —receiving Communion often —gaining insights about how my dad’s workaholism affected me.
It’s a journey.
Haddon Robinson says that “Time + Pain + Insight = Change.” Now that you have the insight about your Shadow(s), I pray you’ll give the healing process time and attention. The more time, the less pain you need to complete the equation of change.
—Kevin Miller is Vice President, Editorial Development, Christianity Today International. Feel free to reply to Kevin at Newsletter@LeadershipJournal.net.
P.S. Another thoughtful reader wrote: “I believe there should be a 6th shadow that is not included: I must defend myself against accusations and lies that are spread against me. Do you know how to handle this problem in a biblical way? I want to give it to the Lord and let him deal with it, but it hurts too much. Do you know how leaders deal with this situation?”
I would like to know how you would counsel our brother. Send your suggestions to Newsletter@LeadershipJournal.net, and I will publish the best ones two issues from now.
P.P.S. – FIRST NATIONAL PASTORS CONVENTION
Mark your calendar for an all-new, world-class gathering for church leaders, the National Pastors Convention. This exciting event, sponsored by Leadership Journal, Youth Specialties, and Zondervan ChurchSource, will be held February 13-17, 2001, in beautiful San Diego. Confirmed speakers include Philip Yancey, Joseph Garlington, Will Willimon, Larry Crabb, Dallas Willard, Roberta Hestenes, Earl Palmer, John Ortberg, Erwin McManus, and many, many more. The National Pastors Convention will sharpen your skills and refresh your soul. More information will be coming in future issues of this newsletter, but save the dates. I hope to see you in San Diego!
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