Chris Seay recommends “rubbing out the singles’ pastor.” In a recent Leadership article, Seay said single adults should be mainstreamed with married people in church life. TV character Tony Soprano is his example in this kind of ministry, where everyone is family and everyone comes to the table. Seay, who pastors a postmodern congregation in Houston, writes:
“The single young people who fill (or used to fill) our communities live in fear and ignorance when it comes to marital issues. Many come from broken homes and have no concept of a healthy family. So what is the church’s response? We separate them out to lead one another like blind guides.
“These people (along with everyone else) should have a seat at the family table. Life is lived with the whole family, not at the kid’s table.” (Read the full article.)
Response to Chris’s view was about three-to-one against mainstreaming, so here is a representative sample:
The article suggests that single adults will blend into the overall ministry and body of the church alongside married adults. I think this assumes a bit too much. I’m sure it works well in a church made up of primarily one generation, like a postmodern plant, but in a church with a wider diversity of membership in demographic, generation, and paradigm, it’s harder than everybody just getting along.
I also object to suggesting that having a minister for single adults suggests having a minister for all sorts of desires and consumeristic programming. I agree that consumerism is rampant and that the word “single” is overused in the church. I have to steer away from the latter and constantly struggle with the former, particularly in an area where there are endless opportunities designated specifically for single adults (some of which draw over 2,500 single adults a week).
But to say you are going to ignore that for the sake of getting everybody together at the same table would tell you why Tony Soprano is on the verge of a breakdown every show and why it’s a very rare instance that everyone at the table is happy about being there.
— David, singles minister in Georgia
This past year I assumed leadership of the singles group and made some changes to reinvent not just how our group is viewed by its own members, but also how it’s viewed by the church at large. We changed the name of the singles ministry to “Paul’s People.” This wasn’t as much for our singles as it was for the married couples. When married couples heard about an event sponsored by our singles group, they tuned out.
We integrated our adult Bible studies. We don’t have separate studies for marrieds and singles. By integrating Bible studies, the single has a place to bring his married coworkers and vice versa.
Every community is different and needs to be evaluated on its own merit rather than simply adopting an approach that works for another church.
—SAM director from an Ohio church
With over 40 percent of the population identified as single adults, can the church ignore this population segment?
Ministry to single adults is complex. There’s diversity among those who are divorced, never married, widowed, and single parents. Yet, the commonality of singleness bridges the diversity and provides limitless ministry opportunities.
There was a time when SAM didn’t fit my needs; however, as my singleness continued through young adulthood and into the middle adult years, SAM began to offer answers, acceptance, and understanding that was missing in other segments of the church.
—Linda, former singles minister, now denominational worker
Singles ministry is a fast growing ministry in North America. These people have specific ministry needs. The fact that many singles want a pastor tells us where they’re at. They’re at a point where they want pastoral care and godly advice. This is good. This is what pastors pray for. We see more and more singles pastors being hired because of the need and demand—no different than other ministries.
Some (of Seay’s) comments are true. There’s some dysfunction in singles groups. But tell me what group doesn’t have issues?
Many singles in our society is a fact. This ministry will continue to grow.
—Pastor Brad
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