The true "orientation" of Christians is not what we are by constitution, but what we are by choice.
John R. W. Stott
Homosexuality — a word with greatly differing connotations. On the one hand are gay liberationists celebrating their emergence from the closet with odes to the tune of "Gay is okay!" On the far distant hand are "queer bashers" intent on harassing individuals they consider to be fair game for cruelty.
In between rests uneasily a spectrum of folks — Christian and agnostic, trendy and traditional — trying to make sense of the still-evolving understanding of the causes and realities of homosexuality. Some push more toward tolerance, others toward condemnation, but they want to do it with understanding rather than bumper-sticker philosophies.
But the fact remains: homosexuality causes crises. For the one who discovers personal affection for the same sex. For parents and other relatives who learn of it. For a society facing issues of public health and human rights. And for a church whose sons and daughters veer from the standards of the centuries.
The crisis we'll focus on here is the personal one: the crisis of those who confront their homosexuality as well as those affected by that discovery.
(A word about semantics: Homosexual describes only one aspect of a person who may also be a truck driver, a parent, a hero, a Christian. When I use the word homosexual, therefore, it is shorthand for "a homosexual person," whose homosexuality is but one aspect of a diverse life. When I employ the word gay, I in no way endorse the gay lifestyle. Though gay was coined by homosexual persons to cast off negative implications of homosexual, I use it merely for convenience, for much of the lifestyle of gay people is anything but happy.)
Much can be said about homosexual orientation and behavior — Is it chosen or discovered? — but I'll leave that for others to debate. The assumption in this chapter is that homosexual orientation is not, in itself, a sin. It may be a given at birth, or it may be chosen somehow through complex psychosocial processes not completely known or understood, even by the gay person. But whatever the cause of the orientation, what one does with it is a choice. Therefore, in accord with the Scriptures, homosexual behavior is wrong, just as biblically proscribed heterosexual behavior is wrong.
The key distinction: While we denounce homosexual behavior as sinful, we do not deplore the homosexually inclined person holding the behavior in check. While we hate the sin, we cherish the person trying valiantly not to sin.
"Homosexuals can and do change and experience fulfilling heterosexual marriages," say some. And to back it up is powerful anecdotal evidence of former homosexuals happily married.
"No! Once a homosexual, always a homosexual," say others, "and besides, it would be a sin against one's God-given nature even to attempt to change one's sexual orientation." To the evidence of changed lives, they respond, "He never was a true homosexual. You can't change true homosexuals."
This chapter stands on the side of those who say change is possible. The evidence of lives transformed by the power of God is irrefutable. Some former homosexuals live like dry alcoholics — one day at a time — knowing they remain only a slip away from returning to their affliction. Others appear miraculously transformed within, so that even the temptation seems a vague memory. In either case, change is possible. To provide tools for pastors to use to help those in homosexual crises is the purpose of this chapter.
An Awful Awakening
Pastor Carl Wasser awoke with a start. It felt like the ringing phone had lodged somewhere in his spine. Carl half shuffled, half dashed to the kitchen. The clock glowing on the microwave told him it was 2:37. "Hello?"
"Oh, I'm so glad you're there!" The voice was male, and it sounded tense. Commotion filled the background. "I'm really sorry for getting you up like this, but I need your help. I'm in jail."
The circuits in Carl's mind had warmed up by now. "May I ask who this is?"
"Oh, I'm sorry. This is Ted Klein — you know, Art and Edna's boy." Of course Carl knew him. His parents were deeply involved in Meadowwood Community Church, and Teddy — that's what everyone called him — had grown up in the church. Now he was in college across town.
"You're in jail? What kind of trouble are you in?"
"Look, I need you to come bail me out." Ted avoided answering the question. "I can give you the money tomorrow, but I need to get out of this place tonight. I get only one call, so I called you. Can you help me? I know it's a lot to ask."
"Are your mom and dad out of town? Why didn't you call them?" Carl could dodge questions, too.
"Hey, I couldn't do that! No way. They'd just die. I turned to you because you're my minister and I need help. Can't you just come get me?"
"Ted, what are you in for? Why can't you tell your parents?"
"I'd rather not say over the phone. Look, won't you please come help me?"
Carl wasn't without a heart. "Okay, Ted. It'll take me about thirty minutes. How much is your bail?"
"Better bring a couple hundred bucks."
"I'm on my way. But one thing: when I get there, I'm going to expect some straight answers."
All the way downtown, Carl wondered if he were doing the right thing. Should I have called Art? Why won't the kid say what the matter is? What kind of fool am I to be traipsing downtown at this hour of the night? What's Teddy up to, anyway? What can I do to help him?
He pulled into the parking lot and found the jail entrance. From the open windows above, gruff voices and cursing filtered through the iron mesh. I can see why he doesn't want to spend the night! Carl thought as he blinked in the bright light of the doorway.
"I'm here to see Theodore Klein," Carl told the desk sergeant. "I believe he was arrested earlier this evening."
The sergeant straightened up and squinted at Carl. "You his father?" It wasn't a particularly nasty look, but it wasn't friendly, either.
"No, I'm not. I'm his pastor."
"Pastor!" Now he looked genuinely amused. "You know what we hooked him up for? We caught that little dirtbag parked by the city pool with two prostitutes — male prostitutes!" The sergeant paused to see what kind of response that would raise.
Carl's face blanched, but he retained his composure. "Can I bail him out?"
"Yeah. We'll be glad to get rid of him. That'll be two hundred bucks, and he'll have to promise to appear for a preliminary hearing in the morning." Carl handed over the money, collected one grateful and scared kid, and drove toward the college.
The car was filled with awkward silence. Finally Carl spoke. "The officer told me why you were arrested. You know you're going to have to tell your parents."
"I know," Ted replied, hanging his head. "Would you help me? I don't even know where to begin."
"You'll have to do the talking, but, yes, I'll stay with you while you do it. Just tell them the truth."
When they got to the college Ted reluctantly made the call. His parents were stunned. After Ted told them the bare bones, Carl spoke reassuringly to them: "Ted's okay. He's got a hearing at 9 a.m. Yes, I'll attend with you." At 4:30 Carl finally crawled back into bed.
The next several days Carl spoke frequently with Ted and his parents. He walked them through the hearing the next day. Ted didn't get any jail time, but he was pretty shaken by the severity of the legal process. He realized he was in real trouble.
His parents were in shock. First they couldn't believe it was true, and then they had to struggle to keep from blowing up at Ted. In quieter moments they wondered how this could happen in their good Christian home. "We feel like we've failed Teddy somehow," Edna told Carl. "Are we to blame? I can hardly look my friends in the face." Art, a man of few words anyway, sat through counseling sessions in near silence.
In several conversations with Ted, Carl discovered the extent of Ted's homosexuality. Ted claimed to have noticed an attraction to other boys for a number of years. In high school he tried dating girls and wanted to think he didn't have a problem, but he didn't feel successful in his social experiments. By college, he had decided he was homosexual, although he hated himself for it. He knew it was wrong, but he seemed pulled irretrievably toward his urges.
That night with the two male prostitutes was only his third real episode of homosexual activity. It came on the heels of a couple of failed tests at college. He couldn't account for the vast departure from his normal habits, and he was mortified that he was caught, but he wouldn't exactly come to grips with his problem. "That's just the way I am," was his most frequent explanation. This worried Carl, but he couldn't extract something from Ted that Ted was unwilling to give.
Ted was lucky in one sense; news of his brush with the law didn't hit the papers. As far as Carl knew, only Ted and his parents were aware of Ted's problem. And none of them was about to let the church know.
Before long, Ted had moved his things out of his parents' home. He moved in with a single guy from the church. Jeremy, his housemate, was straight; he just needed someone to share the rent. Carl wondered, Should I tell Jeremy about Ted? He ought to know, I suppose, but I can't break confidence with Ted. Carl said nothing.
About two months later Jeremy came to Carl in private. "I'm getting reports of something pretty bad about Ted. He's been bringing some younger guys into his room, and it doesn't look very good to me. I suspect he's gay. What should I do?"
Now Carl was mad. What does Ted think he's doing? "Jeremy, can you help me by asking Ted to knock off the entertaining of guests? We don't want people getting suspicious about Ted." Carl was purposely vague with Jeremy. The tone of his voice said this was important, but Carl didn't want to alarm Jeremy or reveal Ted. Jeremy said he'd ask Ted to keep down the traffic.
When Carl got Ted into his office, he laid things on the line: "Ted, you listen to me, and you listen good. I know about the various guys you've had to your room. You've got Jeremy — and who knows who else — feeling pretty funny about you. How old were those young men? Were any under age? You're still on probation. Do you know what that means? They can put you away in jail for years! Do you hear me — years! This has got to stop, Ted. It's wrong. You need help. You need to confess. You can't keep on shaming yourself. You're hurting other people and grieving God! And you know what happens to people like you in jail …" Carl wanted to scare Ted. If an appeal to control and morality didn't stop him, maybe fear would.
Ted looked shook, sure enough, but through tears he blurted out, "You just don't understand. I can't help myself. Do you think I want to do this? Maybe this is just the way I am. Maybe I'm supposed to be different. How do you know you're so right? Are you perfect?" The tears had turned to a kind of rage.
"Ted, deep down, do you feel good about what you've done? Is this the way you want to be? Don't you want to change? Let God help you." It wasn't the first time Carl had offered this lifeline, but perhaps this was the most adamant offer.
Ted pulled into a hard little shell. "I don't have to listen to this. You don't have any control over me. I'm going to do whatever I want."
Carl started grasping at straws: "Well then for heaven's sake, if you won't control yourself, the least you can do is exercise some responsibility! Stay away from the younger ones. Can't you stick with your own age?"
Ted remained marginally tied to the church. One of his interests was drama, and he sometimes took part in skits as part of the Sunday evening services. One Tuesday Carl ran into a parishioner in Denny's. As they were walking out to the parking lot together, the man lowered his voice. "Carl, you know Kenny, the high school senior we're keeping as foster parents? Well — you can take this as you will — he told me at prayer time last night that the guy playing the golfer in the skit last Sunday, he, uh, that guy had propositioned him once at the Tastee Freez. When I asked Kenny if he was certain it was the same guy, he said he was sure. What do you know about Ted?"
Carl had to answer. "He's having some troubles right now. I'll talk with him and see if I can clear this thing up." From that point on, Ted wasn't allowed to represent the church in any leadership position, although he was encouraged to attend church.
Later, Ted began dating a girl from the church. Carl viewed this as a good sign, although with mixed emotions. After they had dated pretty steadily for a number of weeks, the young woman made an appointment with Carl. "Pastor," she said, sitting on a couch across from his chair, "you know Ted and I have been dating. I like Ted, and I'm not even sure this is a problem, but my friend encouraged me to talk to you. I'm not sure exactly how to say this, but Ted has … has difficulty expressing any affection. Is he gay?"
Carl swallowed hard. "Cindy, that's something you're going to have to ask him. Think about it for a minute; if Ted were gay and I knew it, would I have the right to tell you?"
Cindy did ask Ted, and to his credit, he told her the truth. They struggled through a few more weeks of dating, but it was too big a hurdle to cross.
By this point many in Meadowwood Church were catching on. Most felt concern more than condemnation. They wanted to help but didn't know where to start. When one fellow collegian confronted Ted about his homosexuality, Ted told him, "It's really my business, not anyone else's. And besides, Pastor Wasser told me it's okay as long as I'm responsible about it." When that statement found its way to Carl's study via a shocked parent, Carl about hit the ceiling. Ted was using a statement born in frustration in a way Carl had never intended.
Carl asked Ted to come and see him. This time Ted's anger and bravado were gone. He obviously was wrestling with his sexual identity and the accompanying lifestyle. As the session ended, Ted rose and looked at Carl. "I wish you were my dad. Would it be all right if I give you a hug?"
Without blinking, Carl answered, "Sure, if you do it appropriately." Then he grabbed Ted in a fatherly bear hug.
Ted moved, not long after that, to San Francisco. Now and then Carl gets word from Art and Edna that he's "doing okay." That's their way of saying Ted hasn't given up a homosexual lifestyle.
Crisis counseling with homosexuals can be frustrating.
Compassion without Condolence
Carl's role with Ted was difficult from the start. Ted wanted a rescuer to shield him from undesirable consequences. Just as alcoholics may have people who contribute to their addictive behavior, so may homosexuals have people who unwittingly encourage them to continue. A man's behavior normally has to become a major crisis for him to realize he has to do something. If a pastor plays along with a rescue game, the scene will be replayed.
For a similar reason, Hal B. Schell, director of the Spring Forth ministry of the Teleios Counseling Center at College Hill Presbyterian Church in Cincinnati, rarely contacts homosexuals at the request of relatives. He strongly urges relatives to convince the person to contact him. An old joke asks: How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb? The answer: Only one, but the light bulb has to really want to change. Many pastors, like Carl, find this to be true with homosexuals. The number one criterion for the success in crisis intervention is the desire of the homosexual person to change. Without that, all the good intentions and techniques by the counselor will have little effect. That desire to rebuild from ground up evidently was missing in Ted.
A second necessary component is the homosexual's positive expectation to be able to change. Ted's one refrain was that he was what he was. He'd wanted to change as a high school student. Presumably when he dated the girl, he'd wanted to change. But he hadn't changed, and so he believed he couldn't change.
Even those who would like to change will not if they remain convinced that such change won't happen. And the gay movement shouts loud and clear that it cannot.
Therefore, hope remains one of the greatest gifts a Christian counselor can offer a desperate homosexual. "When Jesus said he makes all things new," one pastor said, "I don't think he meant all things except the lives of those who are sexually disoriented. Certainly the transforming power of God can work in this area of life. If not, what does omnipotent mean?" Pastors may have to outlast the inner doubts of a discouraged and defeated homosexual. The message of hope is that those who want to change and who believe change is possible can change. God transforms lives.
Counseling Guidelines
Let's see how well Carl's technique stacks up against a set of guidelines used by Hal Schell. The ministry at College Hill Presbyterian is known nationwide as one in which people have found life-changing recovery from problems of homosexuality. Hal and the others in this ministry have worked with over six hundred men and several dozen women. Not all have emerged victorious, but many have, and many others are on their way. In their experience, they've found these factors important:
• Reasonable confidentiality. The shame involved in homosexuality is nearly all-consuming. For strugglers to open up even enough to give their names or addresses is a major step. They have to feel certain their identities will not be divulged. Many realize that to be found out can mean the end of a marriage, the loss of employment, the ridicule of an uncaring society, and the estrangement of family and friends. Keeping the secret hurts them terribly, but letting it out is a danger they fear they cannot allow.
As it did Carl, this situation can put pastors in a bind. Didn't Jeremy have a right to know about Ted? After all, his reputation could be impugned. And how about the situation with the young men Ted was seeing — shouldn't it be stopped? If there were minors involved, technically wasn't Carl breaking the law not to go to the police with his information? These are questions every pastor must face.
When a parishioner told Carl what his foster boy had said about Ted, Carl answered vaguely about Ted having some "troubles." Then he saw to it that Ted's taking a visible leadership role be curtailed.
The young woman dating Ted asked Carl a straight question: "Is Ted gay?" Carl didn't want to lie, nor did he want to break a confidence. He chose a wise course: neither denying nor confirming her suspicions, but instead having the woman ask Ted.
Retaining confidentiality can be tricky. Some pastors choose to tell counselees from the outset: "I may not choose to keep everything you tell me strictly confidential. I will by all means be responsible with any information you give me, but I cannot promise to keep everything an absolute secret. If you appear to be a danger to yourself or others, I may need to inform them or the appropriate authorities, as law compels me. And I may want to involve other leaders of this body of Christ in the process of healing and restoration. I want you to understand my position from the beginning."
This may cut into counselee candor, but it does protect the counselor and give him or her options as the counseling proceeds. It's a choice counselors must make.
Confidentiality shouldn't apply to spouses, Schell contends. Where there is a spouse, he insists on involving that person. "It's completely unfair, and even dangerous, for a married partner to remain unaware of a spouse's homosexual infidelity," he explains. "It's possible now to kill a spouse with AIDS contracted in a homosexual affair. A spouse simply has to know. Secrets in a family can be more destructive than adultery. The homosexual needs to confess guilt and shame, and the couple must work on the resolution together."
• No condemnation. Homosexuals as a whole are among the most self-condemning individuals. And among homosexual persons from a Christian background, the self-condemnation is even greater. Part of the strength of the gay liberation movement is its simplistic answer for guilt: forget it. Many Christian homosexuals won't buy that. Yet they're left with no apparent relief. The last thing they need is heavy condemnation.
One plant worker made the mistake of propositioning the boss's son in the rest room. The indignant son took the matter to his father, who took the case to the church board, because the worker was a church member and the boss was a board member. The pastor and board confronted the young man, and he confessed. They had him confess before the whole church and display signs of repentance. They then forbade his attending the church for the next six months. A year later the man is still in counseling.
Somehow, grace was lacking in that episode. What other sin, following confession and repentance, would bar a church member from attending worship? Would adultery? Murder? If restoration and healing were desired, then the church worked against their best interests.
Homosexuals in crisis need people who will not reject them at first mention of homosexuality. They need unflappable, consistent guides who will care about them and hear them out while offering a better way.
Carl was firm about where he stood concerning homosexual practice. Ted knew with certainty that Carl opposed it, because all of Carl's counsel was predicated on that biblical stance. Ted also knew, however, that Carl cared about him as a person. Neither Carl nor, later, the church pushed Ted out of their fellowship and worship. They kept Ted among them, where they hoped to impact his life.
Ted did misuse this trust. He grossly twisted Carl's lastditch advice to be at least responsible if he would not be moral. He wavered between accepting a Christian understanding of his homosexuality and falling back to a gay liberationist position. But even as he wavered and fell, he had people who cared about him, people who were not condemning him as a person although they wouldn't bend on the sinfulness of his behavior.
• Accountability. "Once I have gotten to know a counselee, I make a pact with him," Schell says. "I tell him, 'You're working to keep from acting out your homosexual urges. That's good, and I'll be praying for you that you don't fall into temptation. But if you do continue to act out your fantasies, I expect you to tell me when that happens. There can be no games between us, no secrets. I've got to know. That way, together we can determine what circumstances are working against you to make you fall, and together we can plot some strategies to break those patterns."
Gay people have a tough time being accountable even to themselves. Those who consider themselves in crisis probably don't like what they are doing, yet they haven't gained self-control. Having to tell someone about a homosexual episode may keep that episode from happening.
The counselor also needs to retain an accurate picture of the problem. A person plagued with only a homosexual fantasy life obviously needs different counseling from one who daily visits gay bath houses. The one who falls as an isolated incident after a long period of chastity needs different help from the one who repeatedly ends up in liaisons after swearing the previous one was the last. When counselees honestly report their activities, counselors have more to work from.
Ted wasn't very good about reporting to Carl and appeared unwilling to face the extent of his problem. Ted wanted momentary rescue rather than complete change, and until he becomes ready to acknowledge his problem and place himself in Carl's hands, Ted ties those hands.
• Team counseling. A crisis response may need to be solo, but the continuing efforts of a counselor are best made in tandem. "Don't counsel alone," warns Schell. "Suppose you meet privately a number of times, and then out of spite or frustration he accuses you of improper advances. How do you defend your reputation? For protection, for the person's accountability, and to take advantage of another's discernment and prayer, we counsel in pairs."
But what about pastors who don't have the luxury of trained associates? "Many churches have a disciplinary committee made up of spiritually mature elders or other church leaders. I'd probably sound out the one I felt was most able to be of help. I'd talk about such cases in general and see how the leader responds. If I felt the person could provide loving but firm help, I'd ask the counselee if we could involve that person in the process," Schell recommended. A fellow pastor or outside counselor are other possibilities.
Carl was caught at this point. When Ted spread the notion that Carl had approved of his "responsible" homosexual practice, Carl had to rely on his good name and theological track record to convince his church that he had said no such thing. He could have benefited from a companion in the counseling process — and so might have Ted.
The Crisis behind the Crisis
What brings homosexuals to pastors is often one of two things: a person finally concedes his or her preference for the same sex, or he bumps into some disturbing consequence of homosexual behavior, such as arrest, disease, or discovery. In either event, an ordered world has been disordered, and the person needs help reconstructing it.
Initially the pastor's role is presence. The homosexual in crisis needs someone. The genuine, unshockable, noncondemning presence of a caring Christian provides much-needed support.
The temptation is to treat the immediate crisis, but the ultimate cure comes in working on the causes of the homosexuality. Does the counselee know and understand the roots of his behavior? What specific activities has he done, and how often? How long-standing is the behavior?
Since many people experience passing episodes of same-sex attraction or sexual experimentation, especially when young, counselors are loathe to label a person a homosexual without enduring evidence. Some crisis counseling never goes beyond this point; the person is not a homosexual, after all.
But for those whose crisis is real, the counselor searches for triggering mechanisms. Hal Schell recalls meeting many times with a man we'll call Ron. He noticed Ron's lack of assertiveness and confidence. They talked about his sexual history.
Ron's greatest problem was pornography with a homosexual slant. He was addicted to it but knew it was wrong. Ron had previously experienced a limited number of homosexual liaisons, but wasn't regularly having sexual contact. During this time, Hal was gaining information about Ron and helping Ron understand himself and his reasons for his homosexual behavior.
That brought them to the action stage. There's a time to listen and a time to confront. How do you know the time for action? "When they start volunteering information, detailing their fantasies, allowing me insight into their family life — that's when I sense I've gained the right to be heard," Schell explains. "They trust me, and I've got some material to work with. As a counselee relates a recent experience, such as a visit to a gay bath house at a low moment, I can start to tie that with earlier behaviors and make associations: 'Do you realize that whenever you feel put down in any way, you react by seeking sexual encounters? Are you looking for sex or something else?'
"It's important that they see the connection, what triggers their behavior. One theory advanced by Leanne Payne, author of The Broken Image and The Crisis in Masculinity, suggests an analogy with cannibalism. Cannibals didn't eat people for nourishment. They chose people with characteristics they admired — strength or intelligence or bravery — and ate them, expecting to take on those characteristics. Payne believes such symbolic confusion is at work subconsciously in the homosexual male: he thinks he lacks masculinity, so he seeks ever more of the male organ to compensate. But he can't ever get enough. Lesbians seem to be searching more for emotional dependency, and a smaller segment of them are promiscuous."
After a long fourteen months, Ron suddenly "saw the light." Hal had given him the book Homosexuality and Hope by Gerard Van den Aardweg, and in reading it, Ron found himself. "This is my life!" he told Hal. Finally he was ready to throw off his old life and receive a new one. Ron still had to reorient his life. Hal helped him take the first few steps of obedience: destroy his pornographic magazines, change some patterns of life to keep away from temptation, consider the idea of dating women.
Before long, a former girlfriend entered the picture. Schell and his wife nurtured Ron through a courtship, and about six months later Ron announced his impending marriage. "Ron had become a totally new man," Schell says. "Where before he was trying — unsuccessfully — to use his own will to fight his homosexuality, now he was leaning on the Lord's will. He got married and is now actively involved helping others struggling with homosexual orientation. He's no longer tempted by homosexual pornography. Once in a while a passing thought reminds him that he cannot become complacent in his new life, but he's happily heterosexual now, enjoying the love of a wonderful wife."
Sometimes God transforms a life through your care.
Quickscan HOMOSEXUALITY
Immediate concerns:
1.It's not unusual for a homosexual in crisis to be suicidal. Take threats seriously.
2.Most will be skittish and reticent to talk or give information. Initially, an understanding, noncondemning attitude will likely be necessary to maintain a helping relationship. Your manner will be read minutely.
Keep in mind:
1.Homosexual orientation and behavior is a complex, painful problem. Success rates are not good. This will likely be a wrenching, difficult, and long process.
2.Unless the homosexual wants to change, little you do will help. Let them take the initiative for contacting you and making appointments, and keep them retaining responsibility for their behavior, as much as possible.
3.Few homosexuals consider their preference chosen. Whatever the inception of homosexuality, they experience it as something they are rather than something they choose.
4.Homosexuals have learned to expect revulsion, fear, and rejection from the heterosexual population. They need to experience genuine love more than they need condemnation or browbeating.
Things to do or say:
1.Listen, empathize, draw out, show concern.
2.Give them hope in Jesus Christ. God does not want them to be deceived, and he can make them whole and free.
3.Value them as people and build their good points, even when you cannot agree with their life choices.
4.Bring to bear all the written and human resources you can muster. Referral to experts is highly advised.
Things not to do or say:
1.Do not "rescue" them from all the consequences of their behaviors. They may need to feel the drastic sting of crisis to be pushed to a point of change.
2.Do not condemn them or heap scorn on them. They already dislike themselves and are trying to cope with low self-image.
3.Do not waver about the sinfulness of homosexual practices. You do them no favor by encouraging them to continue in sin, even when the alternatives appear full of difficulty and heartache.
4.Do not promise confidentiality you cannot keep. Others may need to know about the homosexuality or be protected from its path.
5.Do not reveal someone's homosexuality without compelling reasons, and then only to those who must know.
6.Never make light of the homosexual's plight through jokes or ill-chosen words.
For further study:
Moberly, Elizabeth R. Homosexuality: A New Christian Ethic. Greenwood, S. C.: Attic Press, 1983.
Payne, Leanne. The Broken Image. Westchester, Ill.: Cornerstone Books, 1981.
Payne, Leanne. Crisis in Masculinity. Westchester, Ill.: Crossway Books, 1985.
Saia, Michael R. Counseling the Homosexual. Minneapolis: Bethany House Publishers, 1988.
Van den Aardweg, Gerard. Homosexuality and Hope. Ann Arbor, Mich.: Servant Books, 1985.
Wilson, Earl D. Counseling and Homosexuality. Waco, Tex.: Word Books, 1988.
Copyright © 1989 by Christianity Today
