It had been months since I felt so refreshed. The time spent with my wife and two teenage sons during the summer had been some of the best in recent memory: a week at a ranch in the mountains, a family reunion at the “YMCA of the Rockies,” camping, canoeing, and cookouts—all added up to a summer filled with memories and much needed renewal.
As the summer ended, I anticipated our next church board meeting, when our church leaders could renew our fellowship and refocus for the fall. Our meeting began as refreshing as I had anticipated. However, I noticed an unusual item on the agenda: member concerns. After our fellowship, prayer time, review of the minutes, and a financial update, the board chairman introduced a member who had some concerns.
In the following minutes, this person complained about the amount of summer vacation the board had approved for me. This member said, “We need our pastor to be here during summer weekends because new people visiting the church want to hear the pastor, not some second stringer they’ll never see again.”
After our guest left, the board discussed his concerns. That led to a discussion about what it means to lead a balanced life. Most board members admitted they would hardly be guilty of that. As I told of my commitment to a well-balanced life, the board seemed to see the complaint in a different light. Someone remarked, “I guess it’s no surprise that we would have some complaints about the pastor’s schedule. When you try to live a balanced life, there will probably be those who will think you aren’t working hard enough.”
Most church people don’t share a uniform picture of what a balanced life looks like. I found that thinking specifically about my view of a healthy lifestyle is important if I am to give leadership in that area. But it’s an area fraught with potential for conflict. No one will dispute that a pastor should live a balanced life, but when you live it out, you may hear rumblings. The truth is that if you develop other areas of your life outside of ministry, when extended church conflict sucks out the joy of ministry, you aren’t cut down or completely devastated.
Philosophy of living
In general terms, I define a balanced life as a life lived according to biblical priorities. That seems simple enough. Most of what I’ve read or heard about priorities orders them numerically, from most important to least important. However, I have found the analogy of a pie more helpful to conceiving my philosophy than a numerical list, which implies I must fulfill my first priority before I can move on to the second. I see my priorities as pieces of a pie. Each piece is important (or else they would not be priorities!); the challenge is not to keep them in order but in balance.
For example, rather than striving to fulfill the priority of God in my life so I can get on to the priority of my wife, family, ministry, and, finally, community, I devote myself to all at the same time. Attempting to maintain equilibrium allows me to adjust the degree of focus I give my priorities at various times.
When I communicated this to the board, I used the discussion of my summer schedule to illustrate. I knew no one on the board doubted that pastoral ministry was a priority for me. I said, “I have an equal commitment to my wife and children and to my personal well-being, as well as to my relationship with God, and with my neighbors. The summer was an opportunity to focus more intently on my priorities of my wife and children rather than on the priority of church ministry.”
One board member joked, “I guess the best way to discern whether your life is in balance is by the number of people who complain that you’re not at the church enough!”
There may be more truth to that statement than most are willing to admit. Pastors often hold to an unwritten law that says we have to put in enough hours so that no one will ever doubt our commitment to sacrificial ministry. The last thing most of us want to hear is “I don’t think you’re working hard enough, Pastor.”
I recently read an interview Jerry Falwell gave to Christianity Today, in which he stated he didn’t think most pastors worked hard enough. That’s a tough criticism. Most of us pride ourselves in being hardworking and diligent. Whenever someone questions my work ethic, my instinctive response is “I guess I’ll just have to show you by putting in more hours.”
Now I suggest another response to “Our pastor isn’t putting in enough hours at the church”: Ask that person, “Would you mind defining ‘enough’ for me?” Seldom have I heard an acceptable definition. Usually it is loosely defined as “at least as many hours as I put in at my job.”
But I contend most professionals today put in too many hours at work.
How much is “enough”?
In formulating the specifics of a balanced life, I developed two criteria for the hours I spend at church:
1. Are my working hours compatible with my current family situation? Eighteen years ago, when I began my first pastorate, I asked my wife to help me be accountable for living a balanced life. She has exercised that right many times. Usually it comes as “The boys sure miss you when you’re gone this much.” Or, “I miss taking our morning walks together.” That is my cue that I need to rein in the priority of work so other priorities can regain equilibrium.
When our two boys were preschoolers, I spent fewer hours at the church than I do now that they are teenagers. I arrived at the office earlier in the morning to compensate for an early departure; I was almost always home by 4:30 in the afternoon. By then my wife needed a break from the kids, so I arranged to play with the boys while she took some time for herself. She not only appreciated the break, she also has expressed numerous times how much she appreciated the fact that I was sensitive to her needs and put them on equal par with ministry.
2. Does my work schedule set a positive example? Or does it reinforce the imbalanced work priority of the men and women in the church?
If I regularly work seven days a week and put in 60, 70, or 80 hours a week, how can I challenge someone who is doing the same to the detriment of his or her family? I have had numerous conversations with a man in my congregation about his work habits; he works at least 70 hours a week. His wife has talked to my wife about how to handle his work schedule, which is putting pressure on their marriage and family.
Last week he told me, “If you can find some balance in life with all the demands on you as pastor of this church, then with God’s help so can I. I’m making plans to back off at work after the first of the year.” He has hired a new assistant to cover some of his responsibilities and is training two other people to assist him with other phases of his job. He even asked me if I would hold him accountable.
I can hear the objection of some: “But what about getting your work done? How can you possibly get enough accomplished if you spend only 50 to 55 hours a week in ministry?”
My response is simple: “Would you mind defining ‘enough’ for me?”
While I know my work is never done, I’ve discovered I need the discipline to say, “I’m finished.” Knowing when to finish each workday is crucial to a balanced life.
Schooling the church
As a pastor I work more like a traveling salesman or consultant than an engineer in an office. I’m working when I’m at my desk, of course, but I am also working when I visit a child in the hospital or eat lunch with a new couple in the church or spend the day in prayer at a mountain retreat or have folks over for dessert on a Sunday evening. I’m working even though my car may not be in the church parking lot. That’s what I have to communicate to the church.
A pastor-friend came up with a creative way to remind people of this in the office-hours sign he posted on his door. It reads:
Office Hours:
I’m here most days about 8 or 9 a.m. Occasionally I arrive as early as 7 a.m., but some days I get here as late as 10 or 11 a.m. I usually leave about 4 or 5 p.m., but occasionally I’m out of here around 6 or 8 p.m. Sometimes I leave as late as 11 p.m. Some days or afternoons or mornings I’m not here at all, and lately I’ve been here just about all the time, except when I’m someplace else, but I should be here then, too.
I want to help our church recognize that I work differently than most professionals. That is an ongoing challenge, and the way pastors work will never be fully understood by everyone. I have had countless discussions with boards, staff, and church members about living a balanced life. Only once was I chastised for attempting to keep work in balance with the rest of life’s priorities. All the other times people have appreciated my openness and honesty.
The good from these discussions about my work ethic has been enormous. Regularly I print a summary of my work schedule in our church bulletin or newsletter so people will know when I am available to meet with them for routine issues. (Emergencies, of course, don’t need to fit the schedule.)
My secretary submits a simple announcement for the bulletin that runs once a month. It reads:
For your convenience in meeting with the pastor, his schedule is as follows (please call the church office to schedule an appointment as his “office” hours are not always spent “in” the office):
Monday: Office in morning; staff meeting 11:30 a.m. to 2 p.m.; office in afternoon
Tuesday: Office all day
Wednesday: Study/prayer day
Thursday: Sermon work in morning; office in afternoon
Friday: Day off (please call the church office with any emergencies)
Saturday & Sunday: Available by appointment; Sac. evening reserved for Sunday preparations
Weekday evenings: Available by appointment, though limited to three evenings for meetings or appointments.
I want people to know my work schedule is their business, too, and I gladly share it with them. I give them the right to address my priorities, but I also tell them that assumes I have the same right with them.
I discuss my schedule with the church board at least twice a year. I do this at the beginning of the fall and then again at the onset of summer. I want the board to know that my schedule changes the most at these two times of the year. I solicit their input and questions about the schedule. That also provides the board an opportunity to discuss their priorities and lifestyle.
Exception to the rule
Some pastors, of course, might be tempted to work too little, but in my experience and conversations with them, that is the exception.
One time, however, some in our church began to question the work ethic of a staff pastor. I took their concerns seriously, just as I would if a person were spending too much time at the church. Rather than camouflage my inquiry about his work schedule, I told the staff member straight out that some folks felt he might not be working enough hours. That enabled us to deal with the issue head on.
I asked the staff person about his usual work hours. After calculating his hours, I said that to me they seemed a little light. I usually require staff to work between 42 and 45 hours per week. He explained his concern about being home for his wife and their three young children. That was legitimate. I explored with him alternate work hours that would not place such a burden on his family. We finally arrived at a plan that was balanced yet provided for five more hours of work each week.
The next step was to communicate that plan to those concerned as well as to the segment of the church he ministered to directly. I addressed those who raised the issue by writing them a letter saying that the stage of this pastor’s family required that he spend more time at home. I then detailed how he would compensate for that by revising his schedule to work at other times. I thanked them for their concern, assuring them I would monitor his schedule for the near future.
The staff pastor then printed his schedule in the next newsletter and posted it on his office door. For the next month, he provided me with a weekly review of how he was managing his schedule.
Strong in all events
Such upfront communication has affected the church’s attitude toward my work and my need for balance. At a recent newcomers social, I overheard a board member telling a newcomer, “We try to protect the pastor’s time and schedule so he can do what he needs to do in the church and also have time for the other priorities in his life.”
I couldn’t have said it any better.
There will always be those who question my definition of balance or the way I work it out week to week. There have been times when I put in 40 hours and called it quits because of other priorities.
Have I ever regretted it? Occasionally. But then I see how my attempt to be balanced affects my relationship with God, my wife, children, church, and friends. In the final analysis, I want to be a person and pastor who can say, “I have finished the race in all the events where God had me entered.”
Copyright © 1998 Gary D. Preston
