Should We Fret the Back Door?

Looking at the return address, I knew this was one letter I did not want to open. The family had become increasingly critical of our church in recent months. Their body language in worship reflected their disappointment. Sure enough, their list of biting criticisms stung. Some of their points were valid, others completely off base. The letter ended with a request that we remove their names from our membership roll.

I work at not being defensive while reading such letters. I pray, “God help me to learn from these persons and to hear what you need me to hear.” At times I have called to talk with the individuals about their concerns.

I have sat down with them in person, hoping that a face-to-face visit might be of value. Sometimes I respond with letters, offering information I hope will help, thanking them for sharing their comments, inviting them to reconsider their decision to leave, wishing them God’s blessings as they go, and letting them know that the door is always open if they wish to return.

The endless stream of people moving in—and moving on. Why does it hurt me so?

As our church has grown larger, I am unable personally to follow up; our pastoral care leaders do most of this work. But several times a year, I make these calls.

Sometimes, wonderfully, the folks have a change of heart. They sense that we listened to them and valued their input, or they see that things are not as they had assumed.

Unfortunately, this does not always occur. While we welcome many new members into our church each year, we see others who drop out, withdraw, or fall away. Pastors speak of this phenomenon as the “revolving back door” of the church. In the secular world it is described as “churn.”

I carry a fair amount of guilt about our back door. I think to myself, If I were a better pastor, they would still be here; or, If I had done a better job of discipling them, they would not have fallen away; or, If I hadn’t preached on that controversial issue, they would not have left angry. Each one who departs leaves me with a distinct sense of failure.

This is an issue Jesus wrestled with. In John 6:66 we read, “From this time many of his disciples turned back and no longer followed him.” We know that thousands came to hear Jesus preach, and to eat of the fish and the loaves, yet how few there were that actually pursued the life of discipleship.

Some who heard him were quite critical of Jesus’ ministry, accusing him of operating by the power of the Devil! Even his disciples questioned what he was doing. And one of the Twelve became so disillusioned that he betrayed the Lord to his enemies.

Jesus, too, had a “revolving back door” in his ministry.

Many scholars believe that the Parable of the Sower and the Soils reflects Jesus’ own self-assessment of his ministry. Some who came to hear Jesus would have hearts too hard to receive the good news. Others would receive it with joy, but their faith would remain shallow and superficial and eventually they would fall away. Others would find their faith choked out by the cares of the world, and they would never bear fruit for the kingdom. Yet some would hear, accept, and live the word in such a way that a harvest would be produced, “some thirty, some sixty, and some one hundred fold.”

In this story Jesus helps the disciples (and every future preacher who will scatter seed for God) understand what they can expect for their efforts. This is how it is in ministry: many will hear the word, but not all will stick and ultimately bear fruit.

Here’s the takeaway: you will never completely close the back door of your church. When people leave, it hurts. Learn all you can from those who leave. Listen to hear if there is something important God would say to you through them.

Reach out to them, apologizing when needed, offering clarification and love when this is what’s called for. But remember that when Jesus, God’s Word made flesh, preached the gospel on this earth, most of his hearers did not accept his message. Some accused him of having a demon. One of his key leaders even betrayed him.

Jesus knew that God’s kingdom would not expand by “pleasing all of the people all of the time.” Instead the Kingdom expands as the relative minority of people who hear the gospel, live it, and in turn, give it away. Our task is to keep scattering the seed.

Adam Hamilton is senior minister of (United Methodist) Church of the Resurrection in Leawood, Kansas.