Pastors and board members often clash because they approach situations from different perspectives. Pastors typically possess a theological or biblical perspective, a problem-solving method that they probably picked up in seminary. Board members tend to solve problems more pragmatically, using a tried-and-true method they learned in the business world. It's the idealism/realism rub.
In-depth discipling
People with different perspectives often have trouble seeing the other's point of view. Perhaps Jesus' periodic struggles with his board of 12 were intensified because of this. Yet he described to them a different perspective—that of the kingdom of God.
Jesus committed himself deeply to those men. Robert Coleman, in The Master Plan of Evangelism, sums up the idea well: "Frequently he would take them with him in a retreat to some mountainous area of the country. … He actually spent more time with his disciples than with everybody else in the world put together."
Two problems make us question the possibility of in-depth discipling. First, it's difficult to be candid, available, and confidential. Psychological studies reveal that we ministers tend to be more studious and introverted than the average leader, and we may attract board members with similar personality bents. A roomful of introverts doesn't make for an easy, breezy, let's-become-better-friends kind of group. Second, the task is risky. Really getting to know each other means phony images must crumble and distance-making formalities must be set aside. We need to encourage a first-name basis and an unguarded, give-and-take style.
Practical suggestions
How can pastors and boards cultivate better interpersonal relationships? Here are four suggestions:
- Schedule time together between official meetings. This can be one-on-one or with a few. It can be in the pastor's or a member's home for an evening (with spouses), or over lunch. Sometimes the gathering may simply be for social purposes. You will probably have to plan these times in advance, or they will not happen.
- Get away for overnight retreats. One of the best decisions we made at one of my churches was to have pastor/elder retreats at least twice a year. These were great times for getting beneath the surface of one another's lives as well as evaluating our ministry. We ate together, enjoyed some needed laughter, and had extended times of prayer with each other. Sharing rooms together overnight also helped us break down relational barriers. We always emerged closer and in better harmony with one another.Leaders should start doing this perhaps on a yearly basis, shortly after the annual election of new board members. It's good to make sure every member can attend.
- Translate attitudes into actions. You love your spouse, but it will mean a lot to him or her for you to say so. You know you enjoy your kids, but a warm embrace communicates your attitude them. Pastors and board members need to tell each other how grateful they are for their time, energy, and commitment. Written notes are appreciated. A sincere, firm handshake and an eyeball-to-eyeball look never fail to encourage. A phone call is another way of translating our attitudes into action.
- Support each team member. We all have enough enemies; each of us wrestles with sufficient self-depreciating thoughts. Leaders need to be loyal in support of one another, especially in each other's absence. When we have areas of disagreement, and we will, it's best to work them out face to face, courteously and confidentially. As pastors, we shouldn't use the pulpit as a hammer to settle arguments. Board members need to seal their lips when damage could be done to the ministry by an uncontrolled tongue.
Charles R. Swindoll; Leadership Handbooks of Practical Theology, Volume 3, Leadership and Administration; The Pastor's relationship with the Board; pp 332-333.
