A classic case of shooting the messenger emerged last week surrounding the revelation of an extramarital relationship of Dinesh D’Souza, one of today’s foremost Christian apologists and conservative thinkers. Blaming the messenger goes back at least as far as Sophocles’ ancient Greek tragedy, Antigone. A guard has to bring King Creon the bad news that one of his orders has been violated. The guard delivers the news after drawing the losing lot, and does so in fear and trembling, knowing full well, he tells Creon, that “no man delights in the bearer of bad news.” In the play, the life of the guard is spared. But not all bearers of unwelcome news are so lucky.
World magazine reported October 16 that the married-but-separated D’Souza had, during an apologetics conference, introduced as his fiancée a female traveling companion. (Denise Odie Joseph is also allegedly married—and younger to an uncomfortable degree—as well as an outspoken, if lesser known, advocate of conservativism.) D’Souza responded the next day by denying marital infidelity in an exclusive interview with Christianity Today. He also published a statement at Fox News that, first, took issue with some of the facts and then turned the tables on World. D’Souza accused the magazine of reporting the story as part of a longtime personal and professional “grievance” and “vendetta” against him, and characterized the article as “viciousness masquerading as righteousness.” (Perhaps not coincidentally, shooting the messenger seems to be the same tactic employed in D’Souza’s most recent work, the documentary film 2016. Based on his earlier book, the film attempts to advance conservative principles by discrediting one of the conservative movement’s leading opponents.)
D’Souza concludes his response to the World story by saying, “Ultimately this is not just about [World editor] Olasky or even World magazine. It is also about how we Christians are supposed to behave with one another. And the secular world is watching.”
On this count, D’Souza is right. However, the secular world is not concerned, as D’Souza claims, with the question, “Is this how [Christians] love and treat fellow believers?” No, the secular world is frothing at the mouth at having yet one more example of hypocrisy from within the traditional marriage/family values crowd. For just one prominent fallen Christian can make secularism’s point far more effectively than can all the arguments of the New Atheists and marriage equality activists combined.
It may be the way of the world to throw out the baby with the bathwater, but as Christians—even fallen ones—we know better. And D’Souza is only arguing himself into a corner by discrediting the messenger. For if the validity of a message hinges on the messenger’s moral character, then D’Souza’s entire career falls with this recent news.
But, fortunately, it is not the case that the truth of the message depends entirely upon the messenger. Indeed, if hypocrisy consists of failing to live up to one’s professed standards, only those who deny any absolute, universal standards are safe from the charge of hypocrisy. (And even these inevitably run up against something they absolutely believe in.) The fact is that in every case—except One—truth is proclaimed by imperfect messengers. Therefore, it is essential when facing disappointment in fallen leaders to remember that, despite its fragile vessels, truth is greater than those who proclaim it. This is what it means to say that truth is objective, that it lies outside ourselves, that truth is not subjective, or found within. The truth of something is not, thankfully, dependent upon the character of the bearer of that truth.
Nevertheless, while objective and absolute in nature, truth is by necessity embodied and lived out in the realm of subjective experience and relationship. We cannot help understanding a message in the context of the messenger. Consider, for example, the message “You are beautiful” given by a father to his young daughter, a message that would, and should, be received quite differently when offered by a stranger at the school bus stop. Both messages are equally true, but represent entirely different phenomenon within two different contexts and from two very different messengers.
Messages matter. And so do messengers.
That such a visible and outspoken messenger of Christian truth has failed to live up to his own message is not that surprising (after all, there is no one righteous, not even one). But the gap between the truth D’Souza proclaims and the truth that he lives will hamper his message. It hits me a little hard. D’Souza’s book Illiberal Education was a lifeline to me as a graduate student living out the very truths described in the book when it was published in 1998. At that time, D’Souza voiced and validated my own experiences of anti-Christian hostility and discrimination (which I’ve written about elsewhere) in a way that was empowering and freeing. I am thankful that such truths are bigger than D’Souza, or me, or any one person. But I am disappointed, deeply disappointed, in his seeming failure to live out the principles he so fiercely advocated.
It is imperative that those of us who dare to proclaim truth—whether we be preachers, poets, politicians, or, Lord help me, professors—strive to be messengers holy and humble, lest by our failures the cause of truth be tarnished.
Last March, I accompanied Sara Groves, her husband Troy, their son Kirby, and a team from Food for the Hungry on a trip to Rwanda, where we visited a rural village, Gisanga, that Groves sponsors through FH. It was an amazing trip, and I wrote about it here and here.
On our return home, Sara told me that she wanted to return to Rwanda this year, this time with her whole band, to give a concert in Gisanga. That trip became reality recently, as Sara and Troy and their younger son, Toby, took the whole band. On the trip, band members met children they sponsor through FH, and they indeed held a free concert on one of Rwanda’s legendary thousand hills on a sunny afternoon. Hundreds turned out for the show, some carrying a banner that read, “Thank You Sara,” acknowledging the good work that she, her family, her band, and her supporters have shown in sponsoring the village, bringing food, education, vocational training, health care, and the good news of the gospel through FH’s local workers.
Interracial marriage is on the rise. A Pew Research Center poll released in February 2012 found that in 2010, 15 percent of all new marriages in the U.S. were between spouses of different races or ethnicities. That's compared to 6.7 percent in 1980.
In general, interracial marriage is no longer taboo—although some still find it objectionable. While 43 percent of Americans believe it is good for society, 11 percent believe the growth in interracial marriage is a change for the worse. Just last year, a church in Kentucky barred an interracial couple from worshipping together (that ban was eventually overturned due to widespread outrage). And with a quick search on the Web, I discovered many sites and articles arguing the viewpoint that interracial marriage is unbiblical.
Though this viewpoint exists, Evangelicals are not against interracial marriage. In fact, pastors have spoken out in favor of it. For example, John Piper not only advocates interracial marriage in his book Bloodlines; he has taken the time to preach about the topic.
That said, here's the truth: a decision to marry outside one's race or ethnicity should not be entered into lightly. Interracial couples must face struggles that others may not encounter. But the solutions are the same for everyone: humility, love, and the gospel.
Discovering Differences
My husband and I are different from each other in almost every way, including racially. We knew going into our marriage that we were different, but as most married couples know, you really don't know someone until you're married and living with them. We were in love, and that love led us to make a vow to be together, for better or for worse, until death. But at the beginning of our marriage we quickly discovered that we were strangers. We had work to do to get to know each other, and many of our confusions were rooted in the fact that we were so culturally different.
My husband and I joke that we are the reasons for the black and white stereotypes out there. He likes meat and potatoes and beer on occasion; listens to alternative rock and people like Nick Drake; and likes camping and hiking. I, on the other hand, can throw down on fried chicken, greens, and mashed potatoes; prefer gospel, jazz, hip-hop, or anything I can dance to; and would much rather workout indoors or run than be in the wilderness. Even our personalities are at two different extremes. He is reserved, speaking when necessary, and calm. I am charismatic, expressive, and enthusiastic. As we learned more about just how different we were, our differences began to put a strain on our marriage.
Tim and Kathy Keller explain the phenomenon in their book The Meaning of Marriage: "If your purpose in marriage was to acquire a 'soul mate'—a person who would not change you and would supportively help you reach your life goals—then this particular reality of marriage will be deeply disorienting. You wake up to the realization that your marriage will take a huge investment of time just to make it work. Just as distressing will be the discovery that your spouse finds you a stranger and has begun to confront you with a list of your serious shortcomings."
Our differences in culture caused some conflicts at the beginning of our marriage. We knew we were the same in Christ, but culturally we were so different. It became increasingly difficult to relate. Like many newlyweds, we had much to work through, with the added fear that as I became one with my husband I would lose a major part of who I was as a black female. The solution was simple. We needed to become more gospel-centered.
Breaking Barriers
The gospel breaks down barriers because in salvation there is no distinction between people of different races, backgrounds, and ethnicities (Romans 10:12). God created my husband and me equally and God saved us by the same grace (Ephesians 2:8-9). Our first order of business was to see each other not in light of what we needed from each other, but rather as God viewed us—as redeemed children. As we began to see each other as covered with Christ's righteousness and beloved, the cultural differences became less important. What was important was whether we were glorifying God in our marriage through our relating to one another.
By the grace of God, our marriage did not remain in an uncertain state. We found the secret to marriage—the gospel. As the Kellers explain, "The gospel of Jesus and marriage explain one another … When God invented marriage, he already had the saving work of Jesus in mind … The reason that marriage is so painful and yet wonderful is because it is a reflection of the gospel, which is painful and wonderful at once." Knowing this made it more exciting to begin to learn about each other and put into practice agape (service) love.
Different, Yet the Same
No, we have not assimilated into each other. I am no more white than he is black. Instead, we appreciate aspects about each other that are different. We do not necessarily enjoy everything together. He won't be making up dance routines to music, and I'm never really going to be able to make Yorkshire pudding like his mum. But what we've learned to do is enjoy God's creativity in making us unique by learning about each other's cultures and embracing our differences.
One very practical way we celebrate our diversity together is through worship and music. We like to have dance parties in our home. We play various styles of worship music and sing and worship together. Or we put on different listening music and dance around. We have a blast enjoying our various styles of worship and listening and at the same time exposing our children to both.
We've also discovered that we are quite the same. What I mean is, because of the gospel, our differences don't separate us. Rather, they bring us together. We are a unified front in declaring the gospel to our children. We are united in service to our church. We are united in being each other's best friend. And of course we enjoy activities together, united in love and united in Christ—such as long drives, building traditions in our home, visits to our city square, praying and sharing our hearts' desires. We enjoy each other to the fullest extent that marriage intends.
As much as we may be different from married couples who are not interracial, we are truly the same. We are learning to lay down our lives, die to ourselves, love each other, learn from each other, and build each other up. We celebrate the joys of deep intimacy. We are learning to overcome sin and bear with one another. Our relationship may look different from the outside, but on the inside God's Spirit dwells within us; therefore, we are very much the same.
Trillia Newbell is a freelance journalist and writer. She writes on faith and family for The Knoxville News-Sentinel, and serves as the managing editor for Women of God Magazine. Her love and primary role is that of wife and mother. She lives in Tennessee with her husband, Thern, and their two children.
“The trip was amazing, and I wish you could have seen the concert we put on in Gisanga,” Groves told me the other day. “One of my favorite moments was getting out of the van at the school, and immediately recognizing 6-7 children, and knowing them by name! It was like a reunion. It was such a sweet time.”
Among the songs that Sara sang was “Joy Is in Our Hearts” from her latest album, with the chorus being sung in Kinyarwandan, the native language. See the video here:
