The Church Is a Harlot, But I Love Her

Husbands, imagine this: A friend comes to your house for dinner. You enjoy a delicious meal that your wife has made, and catch up on life. Halfway through the meal, your friend does something unbelievable. He starts listing things that your wife could have done better.

"The chicken is too tough," he says. "You should have marinated it longer. And the broccoli is overcooked, mushy and bland. My 12-year-old daughter could cook a better meal." But it only gets worse. He starts to criticize her character, even ridicule her. "She's not the woman you thought she was, is she?"

I'm guessing his visit would be cut short. And you'd probably send him away with a few choice words. Even if he was right about certain things, you simply wouldn't tolerate someone openly and caustically criticizing your wife. You love her, and because you do, you look past her quirks and shortcomings.

But we tolerate this mean-spirited criticism all the time when it's directed at the church. If we're not careful, it's easy for us to look at the church and her leaders, and say, "The church should have done ____." Or, "I wish they hadn't ____." Or, "She's not what we hoped for."

You fill in the blanks.

A culture of critique

We hear these sorts of critiques constantly. We see them on social media, in blogs, and in articles. I work in Christian publishing, so I see the constant stream of opinion pieces voicing frustrations with the church. The sad truth is, negativity sells.

Take for example the recent discussion on "why Millennials are leaving the church." This topic has been in heavy rotation on social media the past couple weeks, and writers like Rachel Held Evans have generated heated discussion. In her recent CNN article, Evans said, "We're not leaving the church because we don't find the cool factor there; we're leaving the church because we don't find Jesus there" (my emphasis).

Rachel is not the first person to explore this issue, nor is she the first to make bold statements like "we don't find Jesus there." She's voicing frustrations shared by many 20- and 30-somethings. Evans argues that "the church"—really just a subset of American evangelicalism—is "too political, too exclusive, old-fashioned, unconcerned with social justice and hostile to lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people."

To be sure, I hold some things in common with critics like Evans. Along with my Millennial brothers and sisters, I long for substance. I want to live in a faith community that is connected to the historic church, animated by God's Spirit, steeped in Scripture and theology, and committed to embodying the gospel. So in that regard, I am like Evans and others who see the need for continual reformation.

But I don't think Evans and other Millennials are leaving the church because they don't find Jesus. My suspicion is they're wagging their fingers at the church because they don't find the Jesus they want. Evangelicalism certainly isn't flawless. However, I think Evans' claim that Jesus is absent from "the church" is absurd. Not only is it theologically false, it's a slap in the face to Christ's bride, a purely rhetorical statement that simply provokes controversy rather than fostering Christian unity.

I'm not delusional. I realize that Millennials are indeed leaving the church. I've had close friends abandon their faith, and it breaks my heart. But I don't think the church is entirely to blame for the exodus of these individuals.

Really, this whole discussion is indicative of a larger issue: we all are unsatisfied with the church in some way or another. That's fine and even normal to a certain degree. The church is an imperfect organism (just as we are), and it will always need reforming. This means that a healthy dose of criticism is often needed. Constructive criticism, after all, has played an important role in restoring orthodoxy and orthopraxy through the ages. Churches, their leaders, and their members will always need to reorient themselves to the gospel. We all are sinful people, and we all bring our sinfulness to the body at large.

The problem is many of us have become overly critical, tearing down instead of building up. If we're not careful, and don't appropriately discern our motives, our criticism can quickly turn to arrogance and divisiveness.

Many of us are pros at waxing poetic about what's wrong with the church. And my generation is especially good at vocalizing frustrations. In addition to articles like Evans', you don't have to search long to find pieces about why Millennials won't give money to the church, why the church needs to start living the truth instead of simply talking about it. And we especially like to ridicule celebrity pastors we don't like, whether Mark Driscoll and John Piper or Joel Osteen and T.D. Jakes. These guys are easy targets, and they sometimes say unhelpful things. And when we speak ill of Christians we don't like, we think it's justifiable: "They deserve it. They brought it on themselves." We like to prey on them, watch them like a hawk to see when they'll slip up again. In doing so, we embody the image of a deity we hate—an irritable, judgmental god who keeps tabs—rather than the merciful God revealed in Christ.

I realize I'm being critical of critics, and that there is some irony in that. But we need to constantly keep ourselves in check. Why do we publish our frustrations? Why do we laugh at and tweet and retweet stupid things celebrity pastors say? It is out of charity? Or is it for another reason?

Let's not forget that the church does a lot right. It is a body animated by the Holy Spirit, connected to the risen Christ. And Christ loves her, far more than we ever could, even if she's ugly and dysfunctional at times. As Dorothy Day once wrote, "Though she is a harlot at times, she is our Mother." We may have a love-hate relationship with the church, but Christ's love for her is unyielding. And we're called to love her in the same way. We should celebrate her accomplishments far more enthusiastically than we lament her faults.

Blogger Christopher Smith offers some good advice in his response to Evans:

To Millennials, or others who are exasperated with what you find in churches … Don't give up hope. We need you to bear witness to a different way WITHIN our churches. Talk with the leaders of your churches, challenge them to read books with you and discuss them. Dare to imagine and seek a meaningful life that is centered in your church community. Find a congregation that you have some connection to and can at least tolerate, and stay put; be patient, and always keep asking and seeking, even when doing so isn't always appreciated. Find friends in your congregation that will commit to staying put and asking and seeking together with you.

My pastor once told a story of a time when he and his family went to an improv night at Wheaton College. The improv team had worked closely with each other week after week for four years, and they knew each other in a profound way—bodily, mentally, emotionally. He said, "In improv, just like in a church, you build something together in the moment. The worst thing you can do in improv is to pull yourself out of a scene to make a comment. Isolating yourself sets everybody else down; the improv goes flat."

I've met many Millennials who slam others' ministries and practices, but don't do anything themselves (myself included at times). By doing so, we let things fall flat. One example is evangelism. Many of us agree that evangelistic tracts and itinerant preaching don't work so well anymore. While I think we can find better ways of preaching and embodying the gospel in our current context, at least people who use these methods are trying! Most Millennial Christians aren't actually doing evangelism. We've isolated ourselves in criticism.

Reformation always takes place within churches, by working with other Christians, even those we don't naturally like. And it requires a disposition of love that is self-critical. In our criticism of "the church," we've forgotten one of the basic tenets of the Sermon on the Mount: "Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the time there is a plank in your own eye?"

Yes, the church is messed up. It disappoints us all from time to time. But are our disappointments more reflective of the church's faults or our unrealistic expectations and sinfulness?

Christ loves the church.

Love—it is patient and kind. It's not arrogant or rude. It's not irritable or resentful. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, and endures all things. Let's love the church.

Kevin Emmert is an assistant editor at Christianity Today.