Here's Part 2 of Luke Cirillo's sharp critique of the "sexual prosperity gospel." If you missed it, be sure to read Part 1 first. Enjoy Luke's vision for changing our call for holistic sexual holiness, and please engage in the comments.
A better story
Some years ago I had the privilege of working with an organization called Portland Fellowship. It's one of those controversial ministries for Christians struggling with same-sex attraction. I got connected because I wanted to have some understanding of the issues around homosexuality and insight on how to walk with those that are attracted to the same sex. I led worship and co-led a small group there. I listened to the confusion, pain and anger of those living a sexual reality they didn't ask for and didn't want. They were hungry for help, for something that would enable them to understand their experience in light of their identity as Christians and that would sustain them in their struggle. A struggle, I might add, that brings no promise of relational fulfillment or sexual satisfaction.
I learned a valuable lesson there. I came to understand that the only call that can sustain us is the call to discipleship; the call to take up our cross and follow Jesus. One of my friends at Portland Fellowship put it well when he said that upon entering that ministry there was no promise of a happy heterosexual life at the end of the rainbow. There was just a call to be obedient to Jesus.
Jesus says that we only find our lives when we lose them. In this call there is no promise of an idyllic relational future. There is no promise of sexual satisfaction.
I truly believe that the only message that can bring hope and transformation is the one captured in the mysterious words of Jesus, when he says that we only find our lives when we lose them. In this call there is no promise of an idyllic relational future. There is no promise of sexual satisfaction. And it is not motivated by the fear of doing the opposite. This vision is shaped by the simple belief that the path Jesus lays out to the cross, is the only path that leads to a resurrected life. There is no identity to be found in anything but the Messiah.
Changing the call
But the question remains—if I'm standing in front of a hundred kids talking with them about their lives as sexual and relational beings, how does this call change my message?
First, I don't make promises anymore about outcomes. I cannot guarantee that making the right decisions now will somehow lead to great things later. The only think I feel like I can guarantee is just the opposite, we will experience relational and sexual brokenness that needs the redemption of Jesus. No more of this strange gospel of sexual prosperity.
I've also stopped focusing on behavior modification. The abstinence approach as it is has one goal: changing behavior. This is well-intentioned, but wrong. I believe we need to focus on identity rather than behavior. Healthy Christian sexuality is about becoming people who find their life in the way of Jesus, not just people who worry whether they made out with their significant other for too long. Some might be uncomfortable with the dichotomy, and I'm not suggesting that behaviors don't matter. But we need to call people to what all Christians are called to—an entirely different way of being, not just a different way of doing. The call to be found in Christ.
Focus on changing behaviors alone only effects the behaviors you focus on. An easy example is the reality that many young Christians are "technical" virgins because they know that having sexual intercourse is wrong, but can't see the connection to the myriad of other kinds of sexual activity they engage in. The answer isn't just teaching them that more stuff is wrong then they thought. It's teaching them a new way of envisioning their lives, found in the call to lose their life to find it.
The answer isn't just teaching them that more stuff is wrong then they thought. It's teaching them a new way of envisioning their lives, found in the call to lose their life to find it.
Lastly, I've begun to focus on the core of Christian hope: a resurrection we have yet to experience. There is no promise of fulfillment this side of eternity. Our bodies will want the wrong things until we die and relationships will be imperfect until the restoration of all things. Some of us get a taste of it now, an appetizer, but it's only a taste. It is wisdom that the scriptures point us toward a yet unfulfilled hope. It means that however exceptionally challenging the circumstance, or however beautiful, we are promised absolute fulfillment. We can't think that young people are so incapable of thinking about anything other than themselves now that we don't even try to put a vision for future hope in front of them.
I want to see us restore a vision that compels young people and ourselves to the way of Jesus and can sustains even in the most exceptional of circumstances. I cannot believe the call will cause the masses to respond, or lower rates of sexual activity across the nation. But for the few who respond to the mysterious call (to lose our life in order to find it), it will change everything.
Luke Cirillo is director of development for Portland, Oregon's Pregnancy Resource Centers, and director of The Reality Project, an education program for high school students and their parents on issues of sexuality.
