A good friend and weekly preacher (who'd like to remain unnamed) captured the inner dialogue of her pre-preaching outfit selection in this funny, sharp musing on how cultural expectations shape our images of pastors. Especially female ones. Be sure to catch Part 2 when you're done. –Paul Pastor
"Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things . . . . Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity."
I'm glad I chose this passage for today. I think it will connect with the church. I'm still not sure how my last point will hang together, though. And I'd better be sure to go over my transitions one last time when I get to church.
I can hear the rest of the family downstairs looking for shoes and grinding coffee. Better find myself some clothes. I wish I could get away with simply putting on compassion, kindness, humility! Maybe a skirt? A skirt for preaching shouldn't be too short or figure-hugging. So a long skirt. But it would still need to look current or it could communicate a kind of Puritanism, a disengagement from the culture which may cause members to disregard me as irrelevant. So a long but current skirt it is. But a skirt doesn't have a pocket for the wireless mike pack. Oh, and there is a large window behind the pulpit. Sun behind a skirt is not good. How can a congregation focus on my words if they are treated to a view of my upper thighs?
Oh, thighs. Help me set aside the thought of thighs. My value is not found in how I compare to women in magazines. My value is not found in how I compare to women in magazines.
But my body is a temple of the Holy Spirit. I should take care of it. If I stand before people in a body which isn't well-cared for, does it communicate a lack of discipline? A neglect of my responsibility to protect this life I have been given? I really should sign up for that Pilates class.
Hmm, maybe trousers are better. But will trousers say, "Boss Lady"? Or other "B" words? There's a reason why people say, "Wear the pants" when they mean "Take control."
I think I'll just wear jeans. Everybody is okay with jeans. Hmm, Skinny? Super Skinny? No. Jeggings? Absolutely not! Bootcut? Boyfriend cut? Low Rise? Mid Rise? Dark or light wash?
I don't want to look out of touch but I also don't want to look like a fashion victim. Both have theological implications. I guess I'll just stick with my safe bet pair—no "bling" on the pockets to draw attention to my rear end. No flashy labels to affirm any shopping addicts in the congregation. No weird pre-worn white patches on the thighs to draw attention there. Don't think about thighs. Don't think about thighs.
They're high-rise enough to cover everything without looking like "Mom jeans." The simplicity of their design doesn't give away how many pairs I tried on to find them.
Okay, so what to wear on top? I remember that old book, Fascinating Womanhood, which advises women not to wear anything remotely suggestive of things men wear and that if they really have to wear pants (which isn't ideal) they should soften the "masculine effect" with a "ladylike blouse of feminine color and fabric, preferably chiffon, lace, satin, fur or angora." Fur? Lace? Don't think so. Soften the masculine effect with color? But pink or purple are too girly. Something darker, perhaps? Black is too severe. White is neutral but can be a little too sheer. I read somewhere that a public speaker should dress in bright colors on their upper body to draw the audience's attention to their face. Maybe red? Too voluptuous? But even the woman of Proverbs 31 dressed her whole family in scarlet. So now what kind of pattern and cut says, "Respect me but also find me approachable. My insight is relevant and I definitely, definitely don't remind you of either your mom or that girl on the beer commercial!"?
Is this silly? No, it's communication.
Is this silly? Why am I spending so much time worrying about this? Do male preachers have to spend so much time thinking about what they wear? (The existence of PastorFashion.com makes me think some do.) I can think of a few who would tell me I'm fussing too much, I'm paranoid, I'm over-thinking it or making it all about me. After all, I'm supposed to be preparing to deliver the Word of God to the People of God. As a professional communicator, I put a lot of thought into what I'm going to say and how I'm going to say it. Surely the amount of thought I give to how I dress should be insignificant? But clothing is also a form of communication. Whether I like it or not, people make assessments about me and my message and my church based on how I look. If I employ tone of voice, multi-media, body language to communicate my message, why not use everything at my disposal, including my appearance, to support the goals I'm trying to accomplish here? All things to all people and all that.
So what do I want my appearance to say? That I know the culture but am not a creature of it. I want to be true to who I am. Which means it needs to acknowledge I'm a woman. But not in a way that trips off any negative stereotypes associated with that (too emotional, sexy, sentimental, girly, insecure, or matriarchal). I want to say that I am strong, confident in God's ability to use me, but not in a way that is threatening or comes across as masculine or ambitious.
I wish I was in a tradition where I could just wear some kind of clerical vestment. It would communicate, "This is not about me. Stop looking at what I'm wearing and listen to what I'm saying." But in my tradition, to wear vestments would be distracting … because I'd be the only one doing it. Something made to not draw attention would draw attention. Plus it wouldn't feel like me.
While ministry is not about me, I believe that God ministers through my life and experience. Yes! It's okay for me to have a personality and express it. Look at Dan Kimball's pompadour, Shane Claiborne's do-rag, Rick Warren's Hawaiian shirts, Alan Hirsch's goatee. They bring who they are into their teaching and leadership. It makes them seem more human. It makes their stories of God more real.
Why can't I think of any women in church leadership who do the same? Anne Lamott's dreadlocks come to mind but she's not a preacher … in the usual sense. Most of the female Christian leaders I can think of try their best to be as neutral and unassuming as possible in the way they dress. Is there a way to show a little personality without it becoming a distraction? If I wanted to do that, what would I even wear? I've always had a penchant for peasant smocks. But if they were my signature style, I'd look perpetually pregnant. On the other hand, if I indulged my love for knee high boots, would it come off as a little too S&M? Reminds me of the claim I've heard from feminists that the culture is most comfortable when it can place women in either the "mother" or "whore" category. I've always thought it was a bit extreme but maybe there's something to it.
Maybe I could just add a little flair to a quiet outfit with a pretty scarf?
Except it gets in the way of the lapel mic.
Now read Part 2, where AFP decides on the "perfect" outfit for her Sunday message.
-"A Female Pastor" is the senior leader and preacher for a colorful Midwest congregation.
