Father’s Day is the most difficult day of the year for many people coming to your church. Let’s remember that as we prepare our sermons for this delicate day. Not everyone wants to hear the command and admonition to honor and obey their father. It’s not because they are less spiritual, but because their relationships with their father is a painful memory, rather than a happy one.
We will have a wide range of listeners: there are some who don’t even know their dad. But others have dads who abandoned their children. Others are abusive or continue to make life painful for their offspring. That’s why some folks find it hard to attend church on Father’s Day.
It’s a very emotional day for many. They’ll never tell you why they avoided church. They’ll never tell anyone.
They’ll never tell you why they avoided church. They’ll never tell anyone.
Some families have secrets that have been carefully tucked away for no one to ever discover. Remember the story of David and Bathsheba, which was eventually followed by the one son’s rape of his half-sister in 2 Samuel 11-13? This is must-reading for Father’s Day.
Brother Absalom kept it all a secret while harboring a murderous rage at his father’s inability to protect Tamar or bring to justice her rapist. Eventually he lashed out. Tamar remained a devastated woman for the rest of her days. Most likely there are Absaloms and Tamars who will be hearing you preach today – some who try to hide sin and some who try to hide sadness. As students of God’s Word, we should be the least surprised at family dysfunction and sexual deception of all types!
Father’s Day is a great opportunity to honor fathers. However, it is also a huge obstacle that some face as they endeavor to live the Christian life today. Many can be grateful for their dads. Others remember only humiliation or intimidation.
As you carefully choose what to say, speak to both those whose memories of their fathers are joyful and those with memories they’d rather forget. Father’s Day elicits an immense variety of emotions. Some adult children and their children are still being punished for the sins of their fathers. This day can re-open wounds they tried to heal and restore memories they tried to erase.
Honoring a father who has done dishonorable things can feel impossible. Some people find their emotions getting all stirred up on Father’s Day, and they don’t even know why.
Meet Cathy, Fred, and Jim
Cathy was molested by her father for 10 years. Dad would quote that Bible verse to her, “Honor your father.” Cathy’s father went to his grave without ever apologizing to her, and now she lives with deep anger and confusion. When anyone reminds her of her father, it instantly brings back feelings of rage that she’s tried to repress her entire life. She has been in and out of relationships and jobs. When I asked Cathy to entertain the idea of a heavenly Father who loved her, she was not interested even in the least. She was physically and emotionally repulsed by the idea of trusting her future to any type of father now.
Fred doesn’t like Father’s Day because it reminds him of the child he never had because of the abortion. When his girlfriend told him she was pregnant, he panicked. He will never forget driving her to the abortion clinic. He will always wonder what his little one looked like. He grieves. He has flashbacks and nightmares now. Fred knows he is a father, but no one else at church knows. (After hearing a preacher at his church speak so forcefully against abortion, he knew he could never confess this there, so he has kept very quiet.) Instead, he volunteers in the church nursery to try to prove to God how sorry he is for choosing to abort. On Father’s Day he tries to smile but feels so guilty.
Jim’s father would show him porn throughout his teenage years. He wanted his boy to “become a real man.” Mom left home after tiring of the addiction and the affairs. Unfortunately for Jim, what he remembers most about his dad are the adult magazines and videos. He is still single and has difficulty dating since he has seen so many naked women, thanks to Dad. Happy Father’s Day?
People have all sorts of “father issues.” We are not called to male-bashing. We are not witch-hunting. Our calling is heart-healing! That’s our goal on this and every Sunday. God’s Word speaks to every kind of situation and sadness.
The God of all grace sympathizes with our feelings of being weak and wounded, even by our family. God heals the broken-hearted, and lots of them will be attending church on Father’s Day.
What an opportunity to demonstrate that we are not as careless and clueless about sin as people think we are! Speak softly and tenderly as you mention these unmentionables. There’s a lot of silent suffering going on in churches, especially on Father’s Day. People are filled with bittersweet emotions. Many try to reconcile a good heavenly Father with their flawed earthly father. They wonder why God did not protect them from all that happened. They have questions that will only be answered in heaven, but they need a life-giving word from God now.
I hope you preach in an approachable and invitational way, so that people will feel safe and welcome in your presence, even with their family secrets. I hope you encourage some to confess and allow others to grieve, publicly or privately. I hope you speak wisely but not glibly about forgiveness and honor during your sermon. Let people know you understand the fallenness of earthly fathers and point them to our perfect heavenly Father who only gives good gifts. For those who don’t know their earthly dads, single moms should be honored today, too.
Father’s Day is the best time to remind us that we can have a relationship with a new Father, even though we might have had a rocky road with our earthly father. It’s a time of hope and healing and fresh starts. As church leaders, we get to offer some people a relationship with a perfect heavenly Father who does no wrong, whatsoever. Every good and perfect gift comes from our heavenly Father who does not change, like earthly fathers do. In him we have what our hearts have longed for: a Dad who is really a good One!
That’s the message we have for people who hurt on Father’s Day.
The world knows the problem but not the solution. At times it seems the church knows the solution but not the problem.
Hopefully, no longer.
Sam Serio is a counselor and speaker with MinistryOfMending.com and HealingSexualHurt.com
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