That voice inside everyone’s head constantly chatters. Studies show that the average person’s brain generates approximately 70,000 thoughts per day. In comparison, the average number of words each person speaks per day totals somewhere between 7,000 and 20,000. A substantial discrepancy, no doubt, especially when considering that the single thought: “Okay, so what?” accounts for three words but just one thought. The vast majority of thoughts remain unspoken, except in your mind.
A leader, so the well-known axiom goes, must define reality. Yet considering the in-the-mind versus out-the-mouth ratio, one can assume that a leader possesses many, many more thoughts about the current state of affairs than he or she shares. At any given moment, a significant amount of discussion, description, and debate is occurring inside a leader’s mind.
Some of these thoughts create unnecessary anxiety. To relieve the internal pressure that builds as a result, let’s find ways to turn three of these negative thoughts into positives:
1. “I don’t know what to do.” When a leader honestly comes to this humble conclusion, he or she will open up to input, counsel, coaching, and advice—let the celebration begin! The leader with a closed mind, who knows everything and feels self-sustaining confidence in his or her ability to get it done without assistance, stands in a dangerous spot and might not know it. The posture of this leader tilts toward trouble: “Please leave me alone; I know what I’m doing.” Take that perilous approach and an expectation for a perfect batting average emerges. And, ahem, that’s not going to happen.
When leaders can admit they don’t have all the answers, they reap the benefits of wisdom from others with experience, from people who have tried, failed, and succeeded, and from real smart folks. When something doesn’t work out, they have people to turn to for encouragement and to help decipher lessons for improvement. When initiatives work well, they have people to point to as valuable contributors so they can avoid the temptation to occupy the entire spotlight alone.
Leaders (especially new leaders): shed the ego, admit fallibility, and reach out for input. “Loner” and “leader” are antonyms. Seek input and you will find success.
2. “I can do better.” A leader often serves as his or her own board of critics. This builds tension between current competency and full potential. I want to be all I’m capable of being—right now. Unfortunately, that’s an unrealistic standard.
When my organization’s board of directors hired me, I had never served as the top leader. They believed I had the potential to lead well, but understood that I lacked prior experience—so they showed grace as I stumbled my first few steps up the learning curve. Isn’t that how promotions and new positions often work? A person lands in a new role with potential to do well, but often lacks immediate and well-developed expertise. When that’s not the case, it’s typically because a lateral move took place. While I wanted to prove to the board, staff, network, and my in-laws that I possessed the smarts and know-how to excel, I needed to learn, try, fail, and keep going. I’m better today than I was seven years ago, and I’ll be better yet seven years from now.
Anyone who supervises a leader will serve him or her well through reminders about what the future can hold along with realistic expectations for the present and the need to focus on personal development. And leaders: know that growth is good and that full potential is achieved over time—not received on the first day. Or, typically, in the first year. Give yourself grace, which will transform into resolve to improve.
3. “That was just luck.” When an organization encounters a rough patch, a leader typically shoulders responsibility. So why then, when the road smooths out or unexpected good news arrives, do leaders internally believe the organization encountered a lucky break? Answer: Because sometimes that’s true. But not all the time. Plenty of organizational success takes place because of wise leadership moves. Recognize the difference between the two so you can resist the urge to prematurely call something “strategy” that is, actually, just a stretch of positive happenstance. Months and years later, the difference will emerge.
So when this thought arrives, pay attention. Smile with satisfaction. Keep a tight grip on reality. But don’t say a word. No sense in using four of today’s allotment.
David Staal, senior editor for Building Church Leaders and a mentor to a second grader, serves as the president of Kids Hope USA, a national non-profit organization that partners local churches with elementary schools to provide mentors for at-risk students. He also chairs the advisory board for a nearby college and served ten years in leadership for a local church following a corporate career. David is the author of Lessons Kids Need to Learn (Zondervan, 2012) and Words Kids Need to Hear (Zondervan, 2008). He lives in Grand Haven, MI, with his wife Becky. His son Scott and daughter Erin attend Valparaiso University.
