On the day before my wife Becky and I wed, my grandpa asked if I wanted advice about how to have a successful, happy marriage. He and my grandmother had stuck together for many decades until death parted them, so I eagerly listened.
“There are two things you should do,” he said. “God gave both of you opinions, so work hard to always find common ground on issues. That will help your marriage work well.”
“Okay, Grandpa,” I said, “what’s the second thing?”
With a wink and a chuckle he said, “Always go with her opinion.”
Wonderful advice for newlyweds, old-weds, and leaders.
Set marriage aside for a moment and consider organizational dynamics. Whether in a church setting, a parachurch group, a nonprofit team, or a business, the challenge to align conflicting opinions runs universal. Just as the benefits of such alignment shine obvious. Or do they?
Alignment turns anemic when a pastor and a ministry director share different visions for the future, or when a president and vice president pursue contrasting priorities, or when a sales director and customer support director pursue turf defense above all else. No matter the organizational type, relationships strain and work turns strange; healthy communication turns ill, decisions vary depending on who makes them, and inconsistency cause the team to wobble or splinter.
When alignment exists, though, a team becomes successful and accomplishes far more than it could ever imagine. Yes, a happy situation.
Does anyone ever choose to not align? Indirectly and without knowing it, yes. Often terminology softens the reality: “We’re just not on the same page.” A leader’s ears should perk if anyone says that in his or her organization. Why? Because in the not-far-off-future, healthy communication will turn ill, decisions will vary depending on who makes them, and the team will wobble or splinter.
People don’t intentionally desire these dire outcomes, yet too many passively accept “not on the same page” as an unfortunate reality. Fail to address it, and it will spread like a weed.
Treatment can start immediately when you know what to look for:
1. Not on same page … on completely different pages. Call this what it is to all involved and then name the two pages. Fast. One page must go away, there’s no getting around it. To stay on separate pages is to prioritize self over team, over mission, or over both. This is going to hurt and may feel like a scrape to anyone thin-skinned, but if no new and common page emerges, then the top leader’s page wins. Can’t agree with the fallback position that leans on authority? That’s called mutiny, a coup, or “just cause” for the HR-minded.
2. Not on same page … sort of. This happens when two perspectives have slight but noticeable differences, with enough wiggle room to deny an issue exists. Take the same action as #1, only prepare to apply firm pressure to get all involved below the surface to see reality.
3. Not on same page … yet. This is a common occurrence that deserves no problematic indictment. Instead, these episodes only need direct communication to achieve alignment. Let others know the “yet” reality and the temporary status for the situation. This happens frequently and doesn’t cause major issues unless left unresolved.
4. Not on same page … not on any page. Alignment of leadership remains impossible if one person will not commit to try. Or avoids discussing that an issue exists. Or, worse yet, talks about issues from all angles while never truly landing on a perspective, recommendation, or commitment. Leaders who persistently ask questions but never provide solutions or their support for others’ solutions—that prefer ambiguity to specificity—prove frustrating and show incompetence. A leader who avoids showing confident support or an ability to commit is not a leader.
A team or organization serves its mission well by sifting through options, in appropriate measure, to arrive at the best possible direction forward. And after finding that direction, let it appear on one, and only one, page for all to see.
David Staal, senior editor for Building Church Leaders and a mentor to a second grader, serves as the president of Kids Hope USA, a national non-profit organization that partners local churches with elementary schools to provide mentors for at-risk students. He also chairs the advisory board for a nearby college and served ten years in leadership for a local church following a corporate career. David is the author of Lessons Kids Need to Learn (Zondervan, 2012) and Words Kids Need to Hear (Zondervan, 2008). He lives in Grand Haven, MI, with his wife Becky. His son Scott and daughter Erin attend Valparaiso University.
