I bumped into Lindsey the morning after she’d spoken for our campus ministry gathering. She looked ill. I understood why when she described her experience: “I kept hearing this voice saying, ‘You have nothing to offer. You have no right to be up here teaching.’ But it wasn’t just a quiet whisper. It was like someone was screaming it at me the whole time I was leading and it took all my energy to speak over it.” The next words out of my mouth were, “Sounds to me like you’re called to ministry! Let’s get lunch!”
As I prepared for that lunch I realized how odd it was that I saw her experience as a sign of ministry calling. You would think it would be the opposite. But as I reflected on it, I figured out three reasons why, when someone hears these voices, it’s an indicator for me that they might be called to ministry:
1. It reveals an appreciation for the gravitas of this calling.
While it may look like ministry calling, bravado in an emerging leader (or any leader, for that matter) sets off all kinds of alarms for me. Even if the confidence is all an act, what are they trying to be? People who approach ministry believing they have enough within them for this work have little regard for what it is they’re being called to, the depths of personal growth it will require of them, how much it will throw them in at the deep end emotionally, physically, mentally, spiritually. So those who enter it, shaking in their shoes, have a right sense of what kind of adventure they’re beginning.
Those who enter ministry, shaking in their shoes, have a right sense of what kind of adventure they’re beginning.
2. It forces us to rely on God.
But just feeling overwhelmed or inadequate for the sake of it is not the point. Leaders who get stuck there are not very effective. Instead, when that sense of the huge challenge of the ministry forces them to cry out to God for help, their awareness of what they lack becomes a ministry resource, constantly sending them back to the source of their hope and life. Ministry vitality grows when ministers know whose power they work from and that rarely feels great. So, if directed well, that sense of inadequacy can be an opportunity to lean on God and watch his power be revealed through our weakness.
3. It’s a sign that “someone” is threatened.
It’s uncomfortable (or just plain weird) to talk about evil forces. But we know that our struggle is not against flesh and blood. It makes no sense, after years of school presentations, that the voices became deafening this time when this young woman stood to speak on God’s behalf. This goes beyond stage fright. I believe the enemy saw a heart wanting to serve God and saw red flags.
I’m glad I had a chance to name these three factors before meeting with Lindsey. It gave me time to recognize the gravitas, the need for reliance on God, and the spiritual forces at work. And it gave me courage to end my time with her in a prayer, something like this:
Father,
We recognize that it is Satan who is our accuser
Voices that belittle are not from you
We acknowledge that you have gifted your servants for your work
And that darkness does not like it
Father, I see Lindsey’s desire to serve, her gifts and her love
And I know the evil one is threatened by the work you can do through her
We do not accept his efforts to undermine her
Today I pray your protection over her heart
Provide people to come around her and encourage her
Let her hear your words of comfort and kind challenge
Protect the work that you have to do in and through her
And give her your peace.
Amen
Maybe I also recognize this “I don’t belong here” experience as a sign of ministry calling because it was also my story and it almost took me out of ministry. I believed that since the people on stage seemed strong and confident, had quick answers, held many degrees, I didn’t belong there because none of that was true for me.
When I told God “I’ve got nothing!” I wanted to hear him respond the way a friend would, reminding me of my qualifications, experience, gifts. But instead he just said, “Yep. But it’s okay.”
None of us has a right to be here. If it’s about our strength and intelligence and education and charm and authority, then the church is in a lot of trouble. My authority grows from the burden God has placed on my heart to care for the things he cares for, from the laying on of hands of faithful leaders, from the equipping I’ve received from spirit-filled people who saw something in me. We have no right to be here. But we have the authority handed to us from the One who is over all things, calling us to work alongside him.
Mandy Smith is lead pastor of University Christian Church in Cincinnati, Ohio.
