Leadership starts and stops with people. To lead well is to treat folks well.
A permanently swollen list of pressing issues, priorities, and problem-solving leaves little space for the softer sides of leading people—also known as personal attention. But must this be true? When a leader helps people feel individually cared for, a highly committed and do-whatever-it-takes culture will emerge.
I learned this to be a leadership truth, and the story starts in a physician’s office:
“You must keep your immune system strong to help you win this fight, so eliminate stress.”
Of all the information shared during my first oncology visit, those words offered me hope. Everything else sounded truly frightening. My oncologist’s directive on stress gave me something to do with high purpose. He had handed me a secret weapon to fight back against the cancer. Let the battle begin.
Four months following surgery for advanced melanoma and four weeks after surviving experimental drug therapy, an unexpected fever arrived. A few other unwelcome symptoms also showed up. Apparently my immune system had decided to sit out part of the fight, which led to my doctor’s conclusion, “This appears likely to be lymphoma. We’ll need to run tests to confirm.”
Unfortunately, the lymphoma news arrived a few days ahead of another major tension source. Life seemed to have confiscated my secret weapon.
At the time, I worked as the communications director for my suburban Chicago church, a position with responsibilities for a team of writers and graphic designers, as well as spokesperson duties to the media and public. When issues arose, the church expected my full involvement and best efforts. So when a call came to attend an urgent meeting to discuss an upcoming major event, it felt like business as usual—even though the rest of life felt rather unusual. Cancer does that to a person.
About a dozen people sat in the conference room waiting for Bill, our senior pastor, to join us via conference call. Still no big deal. I have lymphoma, so I hope whatever this is doesn’t need much of me. My internal self-dialogue distracted me so much I failed to hear the phone ring. But the couple minutes that followed commanded my entire attention, because the most long-lasting leadership moment I’ve ever experienced took place.
Through the speakerphone, Bill asked for the names of everyone gathered to meet. After the roll call, he said, “Dave, my assistant Jean tells me you have some new health concerns. How are you doing?”
Caught a bit off guard, I replied, “I’m okay today. Looks like my battle wants to continue, though.”
“Is there anything I can do; any way I can help?”
“No, Bill. I have a great doctor on this, so I’m good. Thanks, though.”
“Well count on my prayers and let me know if you need anything. And I mean anything. Alright everyone, we have some other business to attend to.”
When a leader deliberately makes someone else a priority—even for just a moment—it places a permanent handprint on that person’s heart. Why? Because to notice and acknowledge communicates a desire to care. That brief exchange, which lasted less than 90 seconds, has shaped more of my own leadership and relationship decisions than any other moment in my adult life.
Excerpt from the book Show Up: Step out of your story and into someone else’s (Dust Jacket Press, 2016) by David Staal.
David Staal serves as the president of Kids Hope USA. He also chairs the advisory board for a nearby college, and served 10 years in leadership for a local church following a corporate career.
