My father was a literary genius, and that genius ultimately led to his demise. At ten years old, I didn’t know how to sort through the abandonment, bewilderment, or the loneliness that came with an enigmatic father’s death. Adolescence came sooner than I knew how to cope, so my journals became my confidant, the place I shared my angst and how desperately I wanted to take my life.
I’m grateful Jesus read those journals of a girl hell-bent on leaving earth. I’m grateful that he chose to reveal himself to me in the tenth grade. My writing, after meeting Jesus, reflected something my words reflect today: complete bewilderment that Jesus would pursue the likes of me.
I resonate with today’s passage. I was unwise, weak, despised. But God chose me anyway—and he chooses you, too. He transformed me from a fatherless girl who felt utterly worthless into a woman whose soul felt its worth. When I think of how close I came to death, to giving in to my unsettling upbringing, to becoming someone I didn't want to become, I shudder. Any beauty, joy, healing, anything worthy tucked deep inside me is the handiwork of God Almighty—the true genius in my life, my good Father.
I am thankful I'm no genius. But in a strange way, I feel something of beauty coming out of the ashes of my father's death. In a way, I represent the redemption of his writing. By God's grace, I've become a word artist for the sake of helping others understand the God who chooses us, and that has made all the difference.
Mary DeMuth is an international speaker and the author of over 30 books, including Worth Living: How God’s Wild Love Makes You Worthy. Learn more at MaryDeMuth.com.
