I recently viewed a Netflix show in which drug abuse was rampant and I felt I had to shield my eyes. I simply couldn’t watch people snorting and drinking and shooting up. It brought back memories of a time when my life was anything but safe.
I was five then, and the adults around me had wild parties. I tried to hide in my room, turning my head to the wall, escaping into the well made between my twin bed and the wall, so small no one would notice me. Even though I didn’t know it, God noticed me even then.
This trauma affected me throughout my growing up years. I ran away—from strangers, adults, and anyone who smacked of substance abuse. I couldn’t articulate it then, but my preservation was tied to being unnoticed—a paradox because I deeply wanted to be noticed.
Understanding my worth has been a titanic struggle in light of that. So it’s interesting that God would have me write a book about worth. I’m not 100 percent healed from being a little girl afraid during druggie parties. But I’m growing—and learning.
I know I’m not alone in this battle for worth. You and I may have different reasons as to why we struggle, but that doesn’t lessen the fact that we each desperately want to know we’re worthy. Thankfully, our great God intersects our fears, redeems our past, and loves us right now—no matter what our histories involve. He dignifies us; in him, we no longer have to live unnoticed.
Mary DeMuth is an international speaker and the author of over 30 books, including Worth Living: How God’s Wild Love Makes You Worthy. Learn more at MaryDeMuth.com.
