Church Life

Even to Death

Jesus models what it looks like to stumble into the presence of God—hurting but hopeful.

Meditations on Spy Wednesday.
Illustration by Keith Negley

Mark 14:32–42

Even the best of friends sometimes fail to show up when we need them. Sometimes, they fail because we haven’t expressed our needs clearly. Other times, they fail because they don’t recognize the severity of our situation, are overwhelmed by their own challenges, or are preoccupied with others.

The apostle Paul, facing a death sentence at the hands of Nero, wrote to Timothy in his final letter: “At my first defense, no one came to my support, but everyone deserted me” (2 Tim. 4:16). Yet Paul, strengthened by his faith, added, “May it not be held against them.” God allows his children to go through intense trials and seasons of abandonment. He uses these tests to strengthen our faith and help us see whether we trust Christ as we stumble forward, falter, or experience both.

From his words, we sense no bitterness or grudge. Instead, Paul sounds like Jesus, praying, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do,” (Luke 23:34, ESV). While Paul’s example should lead us to gratitude, Jesus’ example should lead us to worship. Unlike Paul, Jesus could never say, “I am the chief of sinners,” because he knew no sin.

Jesus’ suffering was not just for the sake of the gospel—it was because he bore the weight of humanity’s sin. And to think, Jesus willingly entered into suffering for us—for you.

What should astonish us about Jesus is that in his deepest time of need, when his closest companions—Peter, James, and John—failed to empathize with him, God’s suffering servant retreated to the Father’s presence like a ship seeking safe harbor in a raging storm. “In you, Lord, I have taken refuge” (Ps. 31:1) captures the essence of Jesus’ prayerful retreat. Battered but anchored by faith, he paused to find the strength to continue. Jesus was exactly where God had ordained him to be: in the garden, preparing to drink the cup of God’s righteous judgment for his people.

Jesus models what it looks like to stumble into the presence of God—hurting but hopeful. He approaches the Father in weakness yet displays perfect strength. Mark’s gospel emphasizes Jesus’ emotional suffering, describing him as “deeply distressed and troubled” and “overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death” (Mark 14:33–34). Some view emotional suffering as sinful, but we know it’s not, because Jesus—the sinless sacrifice—experienced it. Jesus cried out in faith, entrusting his pain to the Father. When we bring our anguish to God, the safest harbor, we please him.

Moreover, Jesus’ anguish reveals his love for us and the weight of his task. For the joy set before him, he endured suffering. Jesus in Gethsemane teaches us how emotions, when acknowledged and submitted to God, can deepen intimacy with the Father. Emotions are like fire—they provide warmth and light when handled rightly but can become destructive when mishandled.

On this Spy Wednesday, let us marvel at our suffering servant who became our Savior by enduring the cross and its shame. May we marvel at Jesus as he leads with his “weak foot forward,” encountering betrayal by his inner circle and by Judas. Judas selfishly drank from the cup of betrayal, but Jesus drank from the cup that was ordained for him alone—God’s cup of wrath.

The cup Jesus was about to drink represents far more than physical suffering; it is the cup of God’s righteous judgment. In the Old Testament, the “cup” symbolized God’s wrath toward sin (Isa. 51:17). Jesus willingly submitted to bear that judgment for us. His agony wasn’t just about the physical pain but the spiritual weight of humanity’s sin. When he prayed, “Yet not what I will, but what you will” (Mark 14:36), Jesus demonstrated perfect surrender, inviting us to trust God even in our darkest moments.

As we experience loneliness and betrayal, may we resolve to trust the one who remained faithful, even to death. Like Paul, may we declare, “May it not be held against them. But the Lord stood at my side and gave me strength” (2 Tim. 4:16–17).

So how do we rely on God during deep emotional anguish? First, like Jesus, we must slow down to acknowledge the weight we are carrying. Second, make space to bring that to the Lord. Even a simple breath prayer can help at the moment, such as:

“Father, draw near to me as I draw near to you.”

“Jesus, help me trust you in this moment.”

“Holy Spirit, guide my thoughts and give me rest.”

Set aside time for longer moments of prayer, not as an obligation to live up to, but because you have one who is always for you—even to death. Finally, pray boldly, and surrender your will boldly—the Father’s heart is for you. He will hold you in his steadfast love.

Jamaal Williams is lead pastor of Sojourn Church Midtown in Louisville, Kentucky, and president of Harbor Network. He is the coauthor of In Church as It Is in Heaven. Jamaal lives in Louisville with his wife, Amber, and their five children.

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