Last year, after I read a portion of Scripture aloud from the pulpit at church, one congregant asked a parent, “Whose daughter is she?” And after I led a night of lament and worship two years ago, a guest remarked to our youth pastor that his young people were so talented.
These people quickly learned that my husband is the pastor and that I am in my late 30s, although I am often mistaken for a college student. It’s a peculiar predicament to be in: On the one hand, it can feel gratifying to appear younger than I am. On the other hand, it can feel unnerving when others make assumptions about my capabilities, my competencies, and my place in the social hierarchy.
In many Asian, Asian American, and Asian Canadian contexts, respecting and honoring elders is important. It can be difficult to break out of these cultural norms and invite younger Christians into leadership spaces.
About 35 percent of the more than 200 Asian American (or majority Asian American) congregations surveyed by the Innovative Space for Asian American Christianity last year reported “no leaders under the age of 30 on the ruling church board.”
The dearth of younger leaders in the Asian American church indicates “significant theological and cultural differences between the generations that affect communal identity, missional priorities, leadership diversity, and pastoral succession,” wrote Dorcas Cheng-Tozun.
Pastors and ministry leaders of Asian descent are all too familiar with such challenges. My friend Christine Yeung, who is from Hong Kong and pastored a Canadian Anglican church at the age of 29, often received comments on her youthful visage from congregants or visitors.
While she sometimes felt as if they were implying she did not have enough life experience to provide them with the pastoral care they needed, she often responded by thanking them and telling them that she received a calling to be in ministry when she was a teenager.
Ageism is a significant hindrance when engaging in ministry in Asian settings, Yeung said. Once, a parishioner she was meeting for the first time looked shocked upon seeing her, frowned, eyed her from head to toe, and said, “You are the new pastor? So young.”
People often made similar remarks to Esther Tan, a 35-year-old Chinese Malaysian who pastors an Indonesian congregation in Los Angeles. Many in her flock are elderly, making her feel as if she is their granddaughter. Although they respect her as their pastor, her role can feel challenging “because we are at a different stage of life and they have so much [more] experience than me,” Tan said. An elderly congregant told her that she could not share her marital problems with Tan because she was “too young,” and asked if Tan could recommend older female pastors to speak to.
Evangeline Chow, a Chinese American who teaches at a school in the Philippines, said her retired-pastor dad often quips, “Chinese American churches are looking for someone with the credentials of a 60-year-old but the energy of a 30-year-old.”
Not all ministers find youthfulness a hurdle. Looking young has been an asset because it helps him “blend in” with teenagers, said Canaan Ee, a Chinese Singaporean who serves as the youth pastor in my Chinese Canadian church. His appearance has helped to break stereotypical notions of what a pastor should act and be like, he added, and allows young people to relate to him as an older brother.
But certain challenges persist. In prior ministry contexts, when Ee was a single 27-year-old pastor, he experienced some resistance from parents who felt he was ill-equipped to advise them on how to disciple their children, even when he offered wise advice like reading the Bible as a family or praying with children every night.
Building the Habit of Family Worship
While Ee typically brushes off comments about his boyish appearance, the ramifications of ministering in a context where age-based discrimination occurs implicitly and repeatedly can be deeply damaging because it diminishes the gifts and insights that a younger—or younger-looking—person can bring to the church.
Such approaches or perspectives on Asian church leadership need to be undone and remade in the light of gospel truth. As innocuous as throwaway remarks about a pastor’s or leader’s age seem and as humorous or positive as recipients view them, comments like these may perpetuate the narrative that people who are older are necessarily wiser and are more qualified to lead a ministry or a church.
Scripture invites us in no uncertain terms to lay down these double-edged words. “Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity,” Paul exhorts Timothy regarding his ministry in Ephesus (1 Tim. 4:12).
Honoring our elders is not wrong. Wisdom and spiritual maturity are often developed through life experience. But these qualities do not exactly correlate with age. Paul charges Timothy to set an example as a leader to everyone around him, just as any qualified elder or church leader should at any age.
Paul also recognizes that Timothy’s youth is not an obstacle but an opportunity for him to model Christlike servanthood. He charges Timothy to be proactive rather than passive in not allowing anyone to judge him for his youth and apparent inexperience.
For those of us brought up in cultures where preserving collective harmony and “saving face” is more valuable than clarifying or correcting one another, doing this feels downright impossible. A younger person critiquing or pushing back against an older person’s opinion, however gently it is conveyed, may seem rude or disrespectful.
But when correction is done out of love instead of a desire to impose shame or cast blame, both parties can foster mutual respect, no matter how awkward or uncomfortable such interactions will be.
Another apostle’s letter points to how shared humility can overcome ageist sentiments in the church. Peter addresses both elders and younger Christians, commanding the former to be wise and caring shepherds (1 Pet. 5:1–4) and the latter to submit to their elders (v. 5).
But the final sentence is addressed to all of them. Quoting Proverbs 3:34, Peter emphasizes, “All of you, clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, because, ‘God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble’” (v. 5).
I appreciate the imagery and directionality that Peter harnesses here. To clothe ourselves with humility is akin to a posture we choose to adopt and put on, allowing it to contour and color our speech and actions. To do this toward one another means that it is a wholly relational practice that dispenses with hasty assumptions and insinuations, opens up space for honest curiosity, and seeks the flourishing of another.
Tan, the pastor in Los Angeles, has experienced the tangible fruit of such humility in leadership. Since last year, congregants in their 30s and 40s have taken up leadership positions in her church; in the past, one person would traditionally hold a position for many years.
Chow, the missionary in the Philippines, has been coaching and training new staff members—ranging from fresh graduates to retirees—at her school for the past three years. While some initially thought she was too young, Chow believes her 12 years of experience working at the school have helped her to gain respect and build relationships with them.
Yet if Chow had remained and served in North America at her home church, where many of the elders and deacons saw her as a baby and watched her grow up, it would be like ministering “in the shadow of youth,” she said. “In their minds, you still might be 15 [although] that was 20-plus years ago.”
As a youth in the Singapore megachurch where I grew up, age was never a deterrent to taking on leadership roles in small groups, congregational worship, or church camps. Rather than issuing negative judgments on my lack of qualifications or experience in the workplace, the Christian leaders and peers around me welcomed and appreciated the time, energy, and effort I sowed into serving God as a teenager.
In my current North American context, my perceived youth has not been an impediment to serving in church through leading worship and fellowshipping with youth and young adults. Still, I suspect I’ll continue to receive comments from people on how young I look until I lose my baby face, get more visible wrinkles, or accumulate more gray hairs.
In the meantime, I remain hopeful that we will have more Pauls who welcome more Timothys in their churches, giving them room and support to grow, develop, and thrive. I remain confident that I will see young leaders who are bold enough to correct others’ assumptions and judgments firmly and lovingly. And I remain certain of my desire to listen to, learn from, and cultivate rich friendships with Christians who are both younger and older than me.
As Tan now responds whenever she receives such comments, “Yeah, God [has] raised the young generation to serve him. I think that’s important as well, right?”
Isabel Ong is the East Asia editor for Christianity Today.
