The 1981 White House Conference on the Aging is over. If you want to get involved at a significant level you had better send in your application for the next one: it will be held in 1991. Since it usually takes three or four conferences before you start to understand the power structure, interested persons should apply at age 10. The major responsibility of the delegates is to make recommendations, thus it is not too soon to begin thinking about proposals the elderly, senior citizens, and Gray Panthers should consider making at the 1991 conference. Keep in mind that by 1991 there will be more of us than there are of them. Here are some suggestions:

Restaurants. McDonald’s will have to rethink its themes and decorations. Perhaps they will open a whole new chain—Methuselah’s. The decor should include rocking chairs instead of rocking horses. Sleepy Time Tea will be served free with every seniorburger, and the music will be slowed from a rock tempo to a waltz.

Recreation. Aging Christians will form Caleb Clubs for men and Sarah Clubs for women, with no restrictions on giggling.

Board Games. Monopoly will be replaced by Ultimate Revenge, a game about writing a will that will confound the relatives, including codicils to “curdle” the cousins.

Housing and Taxes. People under 40 will not be allowed to have houses or apartments of their own. Rents and taxes will be prorated according to age, increasing from birth to age 50 and decreasing from 50 on, all taxes ending at 80.

Health and Medicine. Seniors will have laws to protect them against the inquisitiveness of young doctors who ask embarrassing questions. Everyone will wear a small machine about the neck that plays music to indicate blood pressure: dirges for low blood pressure, fox ...

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