And it came to pass in those days, that there went out a decree from the U.S. Treasury, that all of America should go shopping. 2(And this decree was first made when leading economic indicators dipped to their lowest point.) 3And all went out to shop, each to his own mall.

4And a Christian also went up from his suburban home to the city with its many malls because he wanted to prove he was from the household of prosperity. 5And with him was his wife, who was great with economic worry. 6And so it was, that, while they were there, they found many expensive presents, pudgy-faced dolls, trucks that turn into robots, and a various assortment of video games. 7And the woman wrote checks for those they could afford and charged the rest on many different kinds of plastic cards; she wrapped the presents in bright paper and laid them in the garage; for there was no room for them in her closet.

8And there were in the same county children keeping watch over their stockings by night. 9And, lo, Santa Claus came upon them; and they were sore afraid (expecting to see the special effects they had seen in the movies), 10And Santa said to them, “Fear not; for behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people who can afford this holiday. 11For unto you will be given this day, in your suburban home, great feasts of turkey, dressing, and cake—and many presents. 12And this shall be a sign unto you: you shall find the presents, wrapped in bright paper, lying beneath an artificial tree adorned with tinsel, colored balls, and lights.”

13And suddenly there was with Santa Claus a multitude of relatives and friends, praising one another and saying, 14“Glory to you for getting me this gift; it’s just ...

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