At least monthly, someone tells me they once had a singles ministry in their church, but it died. When I hear that, I wonder who killed it. Here are some reasons I’ve found:
1. Fad-born. If a singles ministry was started to “jump on the bandwagon” of singles ministry, the chances are great that it will fizzle out when some other ministry appears more attractive. A ministry must be founded on need and vision in order to succeed.
2. Poor lay leadership. Lack of trained and knowledgeable leadership within the ranks will send a singles ministry down the drain. A singles ministry must be owned by the laity, and they need to understand and be trained in this unique ministry.
3. Weak clergy support. The failure of the senior pastor and pastoral staff to understand and support the ministry will cause it to fail or, at best, sputter along. The “you can do it but don’t bother me” attitude will put a singles ministry next door to the church broom closet.
4. Unfounded congregational fears. If the congregation fails to understand the ministry and its goals, such a wall of doubt and questioning will be raised that the ministry will self-destruct. People fear what they don’t understand. A ministry must be interpreted and explained to the congregation in order to gain its support.
5. Poor integration. If singles are not incorporated into the larger life of the church, singles ministry will fail. It cannot be an appendage tucked away in a back room-even if you have a thousand singles. They must be integrated into the total life of the church. That means positions of churchwide leadership also.
6. No budget. Lack of proper financial support can cause a singles ministry to die a slow death. Not only do ministries cost money, but keeping it out of the church budget communicates a message: “It’s not important enough.”
7. Inadequate counseling. Many singles come to a program with hurts. They need to know they can get help. If no one cares, they will move on.
8. Unbalanced program. Lack of balance can kill a singles ministry. A broad integration of biblical teaching, social structure and events, small-group opportunities, educational opportunities, and camps, conferences, and retreats are helpful. A monthly potluck and Sunday school class does not a singles ministry make!
9. No new blood. Veterans from too many years in the singles wars are often the kind of people who know it all, have done it all, and now want to complain about it all. This is why I believe there is a time for some singles to get out of the group and take a sabbatical. New people are adventurers. Veterans tend to be settlers.
10. Poor outreach. A failure to capture what I call the “arms out to one another concept” will sink a singles ministry fast. People becoming whole need to keep reaching out to those coming in the door in need of wholeness. If they forget to be wounded healers themselves, people will go elsewhere.
11. Leadership by committee. Without someone in charge, there is confusion in the ranks and ultimately the troops scatter in disarray. It must be understood that the buck stops at someone’s desk, whether a layperson’s or a staff professional’s. Committees don’t lead; they have meetings. Leaders lead.
12. Ducking hard issues. Some congregations fear that singles ministry will bring a bag of problems into the church. Yes, you will have to deal honestly and openly with divorce and remarriage, sexuality and singleness, and a host of other struggles. If you don’t, the ministry will collapse.
13. Inadequate direction/purpose. No long-distance planning and vision will cause the demise of a singles ministry. The question is “Where are you going beyond the next potluck?” A ministry will also fail if it doesn’t create programs that answer the pressing needs in single adult lives. A real ministry is planned for the present and the future. Planning alleviates fear and gives direction and purpose to the ministry.
-Jim Smoke
Orange, California
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