Leadership‘s very first issue featured an interview with businessman Fred Smith, who has mentored many Christian leaders. In that interview Fred urged pastors to make their first concern “the spiritual vitality of the leadership, not the political vitality.” His strength, which he demonstrated repeatedly: identifying the key issue and reframing the questions.
A year ago, Fred was hospitalized, in a semi-conscious condition, and not expected to live. Family members heard him repeat, “I want to go home … I want to go home.” After an emotional family conference, they concluded that they should respect his wishes and allow him to die. They agreed to remove him from dialysis, knowing that his death would come within 3-5 days.
For the next 36 hours, they sang, read Scripture, prayed, and said their goodbyes. Unexpectedly, the promised peaceful decline turned into pulmonary failure and choking aspiration. His daughter Brenda sat there alone at midnight begging for answers. The coughing, however, broke through Fred’s deep sleep, and he awoke. Brenda quietly told him of the family’s decision to follow his desire to “go home.” She explained that he would slip into unconsciousness and then step “from here to there.”
Suddenly Fred’s eyes were wide open and he made the effort to speak: “Home? I didn’t mean heaven, I meant Parkchester” (his house on Parkchester Drive).
Laughing through tears, Brenda quickly called the doctors to reschedule his dialysis. It took three intense interviews with physicians to verify the decision before he returned to what he calls “the washing machine.” Twelve months later he is still prepared to go to his heavenly home, but happy to be at his home in Dallas.
He hosts Saturday morning conversational open houses, affectionately known as “Fred in the Bed,” which challenge him as well as those who come for his wisdom. Mentoring teleconferences allow him to stretch others cross-country. And he occasionally fills in as a Sunday school teacher for his friend Zig Ziglar.
We asked Fred for his current reflections on that topic he raised in Leadership‘s inaugural issue in 1980: spiritual vitality.
Living to 90, surviving three “end of life” experiences, and committing my life to stretching others has created a strange magnetism. It appears that many want the last words.
When I speak, I now get a standing ovation before I open my mouth. I think it’s the wheelchair that’s getting the applause.
I want to be helpful. Certainly I want no rust on me as I cross the finish line.
Recently our daughter Brenda and her son, Jeff Horch, created an online archive www.breakfastwithfred.com to “relevantly communicate” my life work. They are taking thousands of scraps of my scribbled thoughts on leadership, communication, and personal development, and organizing them. I have been propelled into a world of e-mail and computer language that makes me sound a lot more relevant than I am.
One interesting area of the website is “Ask Fred,” an interactive column. It must be awfully safe to write to a 90 year old, because I get lots of questions. Most of them deal with hard issues of character, spiritual growth, and suffering. I suspect many think of me as playing in my second overtime, so they assume that the answers may be coming from a little closer to heaven.
They tell me they believe I will give them an honest answer and that at my age I should have more answers than they do. I do my best to thoughtfully respond. But sometimes I just have to say, “I have been struggling with that same issue for all of my adult life, and I will be praying for you.”
Pastors write anonymously of painful experiences with staff, boards, and members: “How do I know when it’s time to move on? How do I know that God is speaking and not just some board members who want me to leave?”
Business executives ask about ethics and passion: “I am a key executive with a Fortune 500 company and hate what I do. My family depends on my income, and I feel locked into a life that I dread.” They want to know how a Christian approaches such decision making.
What do the “Ask Fred” questions teach me? I’ve come to five conclusions.
1. People need encouragement
Truett Cathey says, “How do you identify someone who needs encouragement? Answer: That person is breathing.”
There is breakdown in the church, in the family, and in the meaningfulness of work. All three arenas were given to us as blessings, but our culture has turned them into sources of hurt. Some pastors lead like CEOs instead of shepherds. But people long for shepherds.
Even though he headed a large institution, Pope John Paul II came across as a shepherd. He had character and love. The character appealed to young people-he was the rock. The love was the generous spirit he displayed.
When our politicians wave, it’s in a way that says, “I hope you like me.” John Paul didn’t wave, he gave a blessing. People felt that they were being blessed by seeing him, that the encounter wasn’t for him, but for them. That’s encouragement.
And when he died, the occasion attracted 5 million people to the largest voluntary gathering in history.
2. Truth telling and wisdom are in short supply
Dr. Phil is a runaway hit because he “tells it like it is.” He listens, quickly diagnoses, and then lets them have it. They line up hours ahead of the taping to have an opportunity to be confronted by him. What they define as truth telling is actually a mixture of psychology and entertainment. Scripture commands us to “tell the truth, in love.” Television ratings aren’t mentioned.
As a parent, I noticed the striking transition in my role from power figure to wisdom figure. I was no longer “the boss” but “the consultant.” In the “Ask Fred” questions, I clearly see men and women searching for trustworthy wisdom that comes without strings and without a hidden agenda.
“My dad is dying from lung cancer. What should I be saying to him and what should I be asking him to say to me?” I replied that if I were he, I’d want my children to remind me of specific incidents where I influenced them positively. I’d want to hear from them that my life has counted and that I am a child of God who is loved and eagerly awaited by those who have gone before me. I’d want to tell them that they are my significance. I’d want them to know that I love them. And I’d want them to know that knowing God is a worthy passion.
3. People are hungry for spiritual direction
“I find myself focusing on unsuitable amusements. What do you think that I should do?” The questioner mentioned that he had been toying with these “amusements” for nearly 10 years, but thinks it may have become a problem.
Run, man, run! I look at so many young men and women who are making junkyards of their old age by the foolish choices they’re making today. Many are in biblically based churches but living like pagans. There is a serious disconnect between what they know and how they live.
In striving to grow churches, we sometimes create an infrastructure of specialists who “deal” with the problems of the congregation. We are supposed to be a living organism that is to minister to one another. We are to bear one another’s burdens, yet we are afraid to admit that the smile is the result of artificial whitening.
They write to me because they want someone to point them to God’s Word.
4. Getting old doesn’t mean getting more spiritual
Who I am now is just more of Fred. Being sick doesn’t make you saintly.
You might expect me to tell of a major shift in spiritual perspective, or of deep scriptural revelations as I get near the finish line. Not so. I still struggle to make that connection between head and heart. I still seek to know Christ as my friend Ben Haden does. I still want the freedom and grace that faithful friend Steve Brown preaches about.
But I have learned that this is a period of spiritual confirmation, not necessarily spiritual transformation. God is real. He is interested in my maturity. He is not interested in my convenience, or even my comfort. He is teaching me to be patient in my suffering and positive in my attitude.
The writings of the ancient mystics teach me to see these times as “God’s Gymnasium.” The Bible verses that I learned as a child in the King James Version come back to me in the night, encouraging, disciplining, and quieting.
5. Decide to be helpful
That sounds simple, perhaps. But it isn’t easy. Too many of my friends have grown old, not just older, by becoming grumpy old men. They discounted their contribution by writing a sloppy final chapter.
There is joy in this journey. Seeing the man turn from his prodigality and return to faith, family, and friends brings deep abiding gratitude. Hearing of gifts being used to impact and influence leads me to give thanks to God. Knowing that my uniqueness is from Him, and not from me, keeps me humble and appreciative.
My mother who raised five sons in the mill district of Nashville repeatedly told us to “never grow weary in well-doing.” In this last stage, my body may tire, but I pray for the strength to never grow spiritually weary. As physical vitality wanes, I pray that my inner man is being built up.
Even as heaven grows nearer, I still feel the excitement of doing the work that I am gifted and called to do.
When I was told that death was hours away, I wasn’t afraid. Just curious. While death didn’t occur at that moment, I know that it is inevitable. I want my life to be seen as a blessing. I want to leave a legacy, not just an estate. I want to be found faithful. Bless.
Fred Smith is a long-time consulting editor of Leadership.
Dissecting Sense from NonsenseSamples of what Fred told us in 1980.On intensity:People of accomplishment have a special ability to develop intensity at the right time over the right issue. Jackie Robinson at second base could come out of his relaxed pose and snap into action as the play came to him, and then go back into a poised relaxation, saving himself for the next time. Only the amateur keeps jumping up and down like a cheerleader. Many hardworking people fail to accomplish much because they lack intensity at the meaningful time. On problems vs. facts of life:A problem is something I can do something about. If I can’t do anything about it, it’s my I. I have to constantly be able to recognize facts of life, accept them, and not consider them problems. I don’t spend time thinking about things that can’t be solved. On leadership:A leader is not a person who can do the work better than his team; he is a person who can get his team to do the work better than he can. On encouraging spiritual growth:I would not pour on guilt. I can make a man feel dirty, but only the Spirit can make him want to be clean. I would make every effort to help each one come to a genuine belief in the hereafter, the judgment of God, and the availability of a relationship with God. On the heart of a successful church:When you are close enough to your lay leaders for them to talk to you about your spiritual vitality and you to talk to them about theirs. |
Copyright © 2005 by the author or Christianity Today/Leadership Journal.Click here for reprint information on Leadership Journal.
