Then seizing him, they led him away and took him into the house of the high priest. Peter followed at a distance. And when some there had kindled a fire in the middle of the courtyard and had sat down together, Peter sat down with them. A servant girl saw him seated there in the firelight. She looked closely at him and said, “This man was with him.”
But he denied it. “Woman, I don’t know him,” he said.
A little later someone else saw him and said, “You also are one of them.”
“Man, I am not!” Peter replied.
About an hour later another asserted, “Certainly this fellow was with him, for he is a Galilean.”
Peter replied, “Man, I don’t know what you’re talking about!” Just as he was speaking, the rooster crowed. The Lord turned and looked straight at Peter. Then Peter remembered the word the Lord had spoken to him: “Before the rooster crows today, you will disown me three times.” And he went outside and wept bitterly.
Luke 22:54–62
In the Gospel of John, this same scene includes an extra detail, noting that another disciple went with Peter, most likely John himself (see John 18:15). And while it’s easy to criticize Peter, we have to wonder—where are the other disciples?
Peter, in spite of his failings, at least followed Jesus when the religious leaders took him away. At first he stays in the shadows, but when a few servants light a fire for warmth, he walks into the courtyard (or front yard) of the high priest’s house, where Jesus is being questioned. He’s even so bold as to sit down by the fire. What’s going through his mind? What did he think would happen? Did he expect anyone to ask who he was or what he was doing there? What did he plan to say?
Or maybe he just acted without thinking. Other stories of Peter in the Bible tell us he was a bit impulsive. Maybe he didn’t have a plan, he just followed his gut. Maybe he wanted to be faithful. He wanted to show Jesus that he was a good friend.
From the text, we can surmise that those in the courtyard were apparently able to look into the house to see what was going on. And those inside could see the people out front. After Peter had denied Jesus, verse 61 says, “The Lord turned and looked straight at Peter” (TNIV). Oh, man. Can you imagine? The thing you swore you wouldn’t do, you just did. The man you said you’d die for, you just betrayed. And he’s right there, being questioned and insulted by the religious leaders. He hears you. And he turns, sad eyes locking with yours. What did those eyes say to Peter? You just broke my heart, Peter, because I love you.
The next verse says, “Then Peter remembered” (v. 61 TNIV).
When my kids make a mistake or misbehave, they will usually feel remorse, or at least regret it when they get caught. When we talk about it, they’ll admit that they made a bad choice. They will sometimes claim that they “forgot” the rules, that they didn’t remember what they were supposed to do. “You know we don’t hit our friends, right?” I ask. “I forgot!” they cry.
Peter, hit by that look from Jesus, suddenly remembers. Not only does he remember what Jesus predicted about the denial, but I think he remembers a lot more. He remembers all of it, like his life flashing before his eyes: being told he would fish for souls, not fish; the miracles he witnessed; the teaching and conversations; seeing Jesus transfigured on a mountain; walking on water, for heaven’s sake. It all comes back—three years of adventure with Jesus, his life supposedly forever changed. He remembers. And then he goes outside and weeps bitterly.
Sometimes I forget. And I don’t make the right choices. I may not deny Jesus out loud, but my actions and attitudes do. I get proud or haughty. I put much more effort into image management than into soul connections. I focus on the wrong things. I forget about focusing on Jesus. I forget.
What will help me to remember? As hard as it is, I need to have the courage to do what Peter did: to look at Jesus. To let him see me and to see him. I need to look into the eyes of the one who loves me. Loves me even when I’m making bad choices. Loves me even when I get scared and don’t stand up for him or for what’s right. Loves me when I’m angry and impatient with my kids, who have “forgotten” how to behave again.
When we look at Jesus, we remember his love for us.
Keri Wyatt Kent is an author, speaker and children’s ministry volunteer. Learn more at www.keriwyattkent.com. This month’s column adapted from Oxygen: Deep Breathing for the Soul by Keri Wyatt Kent.
Used by permission of Revell, a division of Baker Publishing Group, copyright © 2007. All rights to this material are reserved. Materials are not to be distributed to other web locations for retrieval, published in other media or mirrored at other sites without written permission from Baker Publishing Group. www.BakerPublishingGroup.com.
