They sat across from each other, smiled, and laughed. Easily the two happiest people in the coffee shop. Nearly everyone else, including me, stared at a computer screen or their homework. Our MP3 music created a personal sound barrier.
The lady and her daughter talked excitedly over their lattes. When my earbuds went silent between songs, I heard the mom say, “This is an opportunity for us to shine Christ’s light into the world; for friends to see something good. Want to know what that looks like?”
The next song played louder than her daughter’s reply. But she must have said “yes” because the conversation continued its lively pace. Eavesdropping seemed somewhat shady, so I let the music play and tried to concentrate on my work.
But I failed.
No, I didn’t turn off iTunes and listen to them talk. Instead, I decided to write an answer to a burning question: What drove her to do this?
What inspired her to share truth, to impart the secrets of a faith-filled life, to help her girl feel excited about the kingdom? What drove this mom to talk to her daughter, outside of their house of worship, about living life with Christ?
Could it be that her church took the popular approach of vision casting a parent’s responsibility for the spiritual upbringing of their own children, with Deuteronomy 6:7 as the proof text? You know that “Aha! this is YOUR JOB, so just do it!” approach that’s supposed to motivate parents to action, but actually sounds a lot like “Eat your spinach because you’re supposed to eat it.”
No, I doubt this mom acted out of compulsion and guilt.
Instead, I bet she loved to make her girl’s eyes sparkle or to feel her child’s hunger to know more about the opportunity she had to shine a light. Something stirs in all of us when we discuss the reality that there’s something larger going on in life. And on a dark winter’s evening, this lady shared a nearly secret, just-between-us glimpse of that special something. She didn’t preach a list of religious do’s and don’ts. And, I’m speculating here, she wasn’t following her own list of parental have-to-do’s, either.
I had breakfast with a pastor friend recently. He plans to launch a four-week series on parenting and asked me to speak one weekend. I agreed and asked him what he planned to cover the weekend before my turn. I wanted to make sure that I didn’t look like an idiot by delivering a redundant message.
“I’m going to wake up parents by reminding them that God expects moms and dads to assume full, active responsibility for their children’s spiritual development.”
“Going to use that verse in Deuteronomy 6?”
“Sure am. Have any good ideas?”
“Do you like spinach?”
Before labeling me a heretic, please understand that I do fully agree that parents should take the lead in helping their children walk with Jesus. I also believe that the entire Bible is God’s word. How many parents, though, decide to get serious about this role because their churches make them feel guilty by using Deuteronomy 6:7 to prove the point they’re not living up to what God commands? Few, if any, is my bet.
After working through our eggs and bacon, my pastor friend landed on an idea that the mom at the coffee shop seemed to live out.
Instead of focus on the responsibility, vision cast the privilege. Here’s how. In children’s ministry, mentoring, and a host of other kid-reaching initiatives, we often hear the phrase “Be Jesus with skin on to the kids.” Parents can do the same, and will likely enjoy more success.
Here’s why. In John 10:27, Jesus says: “My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me.”
Most children know their parent’s voice more than any other voice they hear. Like it or not, most kids follow mom or dad’s lead on faith issues. Sure, exceptions exist. But we’re talking about reaching the parents who attend church, not the general child population. When parents remain silent, though, kids will listen to other people. Here’s the main point: parents receive “first voice” privilege. If a parent chooses to use that privilege is up to him or her.
Consider the jailer in Acts 16. He learns about Jesus, and the first thing he does is go home and make sure the kids learn, too. He didn’t do the teaching, but he did wake them up and call a family meeting together—and likely told them to listen carefully. Probably even shared his moments-ago life changing decision. Again, he gained their attention from his position of privilege. And he did it because he wanted to.
Jack Hayford, in his book Blessing Your Children, wrote this:
“It is perhaps among the most humbling features of God’s ways with humankind that He confers upon us a staggering degree of power (and responsibility) in the capacity of our words to cause things to happen. It is within the broad scope of this remarkable truth that the privilege and the power of speaking blessings upon our children come into view.”
Personally, I’m motivated to use my words and my position of privilege with my own children because I want to hang out with them in heaven for eternity. The fact that God gives me the opportunity to help them get there humbles me—and is an opportunity I long to take full advantage of. So I’ll read all I can. Learn all I can. Create special times with high intent. Take my son or daughter out for a bowl of soup. Make mistakes. Over-explain. Pray for guidance. And even eat a plate of spinach, if need be.
Don’t tell my parents that last one. I grew up insisting spinach made me sick.
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David Staal, senior editor of Today’s Children’s Ministry, serves as the president of Kids Hope USA, a national non-profit organization that partners local churches with elementary schools to provide mentors for at-risk students. Prior to this assignment, David led Promiseland, the children’s ministry at Willow Creek Community Church in Barrington, Illinois. David is the author of Words Kids Need to Hear (2008) and lives in Grand Haven, MI, with his wife Becky, son Scott, and daughter Erin.
©2009, David Staal
