Companionship

When it comes to how Artificial intelligence (AI) will affect our lives, the response ranges from a feeling of impending doom to the sense that it will happen soon. We do not yet understand the long-term trajectory of AI and how it will change society. Something, indeed, is happening to us—and we all know it. But what?

Gen Zers and Millennials are the most active users of AI. Many of them, it appears, are turning to AI for companionship. MIT Researcher Melissa Heikkilä wrote “We talk to them, say please and thank you, and have started to invite AIs into our lives as friends, lovers, mentors, therapists, and teachers.”

After analyzing 1 million ChatGPT interaction logs, a group of researchers found that “sexual role-playing” was the second most prevalent use, following only the category of “creative composition.” The Psychologist bot, a popular simulated therapist on Character.AI—where users can design their own “friends”—has received “more than 95 million messages from users since it was created.

According to a new survey of 2,000 adults under age 40, 1% of young Americans claim to already have an AI friend, yet 10% are open to an AI friendship. And among young adults who are not married or cohabiting, 7% are open to the idea of romantic partnership with AI. 25% of young adults believe that AI has the potential to replace real-life romantic relationships.

In the past few decades, the sector has shifted from tables to takeaway, a process that accelerated through the pandemic and continued even as the health emergency abated. In 2023, 74 percent of all restaurant traffic came from “off premises” customers—that is, from takeout and delivery. This is up from 61 percent before COVID, according to the National Restaurant Association.

The flip side of less dining out is more eating alone. The share of U.S. adults having dinner or drinks with friends on any given night has declined by more than 30 percent in the past 20 years. “There’s an isolationist dynamic that’s taking place in the restaurant business,” the Washington, D.C., restaurateur Steve Salis said. “I think people feel uncomfortable in the world today. They’ve decided that their home is their sanctuary. It’s not easy to get them to leave.”

Even when Americans eat at restaurants, they are much more likely to do so by themselves. According to data gathered by the online reservations platform OpenTable, solo dining has increased by 29 percent in just the past two years. The No. 1 reason is the need for more “me time.”

From meerkats to macaques, social animals tend to live longer, take more time to reach maturity, and have more extended reproductive periods than their more solitary counterparts, according to research from the University of Oxford.

However, living in social groups comes with clear tradeoffs. On one hand, social animals can share resources, protect each other from predators, and help raise offspring together. On the other hand, they face increased risks of disease transmission, competition for resources, and social conflicts. Yet despite these challenges, scientists say the benefits of social living appear to outweigh the costs.

Rather than simply categorizing animals as either social or non-social, the researchers developed a novel spectrum of sociality with distinct levels. At one end are solitary animals like tigers and cheetahs, which spend most of their time alone except for breeding. In the middle are “gregarious” animals like wildebeest and zebras that form loose groups. At the far end of the spectrum are highly social species like elephants, most primates, and honeybees, which form stable, organized groups with complex social structures.

The findings have particular relevance in our post-COVID era, where humans have experienced firsthand the impacts of social isolation.

Lead author Rob Salguero-Gómez says, “This study has demonstrated that species that are more social display longer life spans and reproductive windows than more solitary species. In a post-COVID era, the impacts of isolation have been quite tangible to humans. The research demonstrates that being more social is associated with some tangible benefits.”

Did you know horses have friends? They do according to writer Sterry Butcher, who lives on a Texas farm with horses.

According to Butcher, horses form friendships, and these friends stand nose to rump to cooperatively swish flies from the other’s face with their tails. They’ll rake their teeth against the other’s withers or back, scratching places the other cannot reach on his own.

And not only do horses scratch each other’s back. They watch each other’s back. In the wild, they spend the entirety of their lives within the eyesight of another horse. Even domestic horses, who don’t venture beyond their pasture, will take turns staying awake while others sleep. It’s like shifts on guard duty.

What horses have is what we need. Every one of us needs a friend. Someone who will swish away the annoying biting flies that come toward us in life. Someone who will scratch our back, helping us with the things we can’t reach or do on our own. Someone who will stay awake and protect us from dangers.

In the U.S., solo dining reservations have risen 29% over the last two years, according to OpenTable, the restaurant reservation site. They’re also up 18% this year in Germany and 14% in the United Kingdom.

Japan even has a special term for solo dining: “ohitorisama,” which means “alone.” In a recent survey, Japan’s Hot Pepper Gourmet Eating Out Research Institute found that 23% of Japanese people eat out alone, up from 18% in 2018. As a result, many restaurants in Japan and elsewhere are redoing their seating, changing their menus, and adding other special touches to appeal to solo diners. Even so-called family restaurants are increasing counter seats for solitary diners, and restaurants are offering courses with smaller servings so a person eating alone gets a variety of dishes.

OpenTable CEO Debby Soo thinks remote work is one reason for the increase, with diners seeking respites from their home offices. The pandemic also made social interactions less feasible and therefore less important while eating out.

The growth in solo dining also is the result of more people who are living alone. In 2019, the Pew Research Center found that 38% of U.S. adults ages 25 to 54 were living without a partner, up from 29% in 1990. In Japan, single households now make up one-third of the total; that’s expected to climb to 40% by 2040, according to government data.

Increasing interest in solo travel – particularly among travelers ages 55 and over – is also leading to more meals alone.

Possible Preaching Angle:

A time of solitude can be a refreshing break from a busy schedule. But for many people solitude is not a choice. Without putting singles in an embarrassing spotlight, it would be encouraging if church members would diplomatically invite singles to share a homecooked meal, especially during the holidays.

The Bible teaches us that it is not good for us to be alone, we need others. Researchers now know that we are wired to be with and interact with others.

Our culture teaches us to focus on personal uniqueness, but at a deeper level we barely exist as individual organisms. Our brains are built to help us function as members of a tribe. We are part of that tribe even when we are by ourselves, whether listening to music (that other people created), watching a basketball game on television (our own muscles tensing as the players run and jump), or preparing a spreadsheet for a sales meeting (anticipating the boss’s reactions). Most of our energy is devoted to connecting with others.

The idea that we have the perfect soulmate has proved popular among young adults in the U.S. A 2011 poll found that 73% of Americans believed in a soulmate, the idea that “two people … are destined to be together,” with fully 80% of those under 30 taking this view.

For those seeking a soulmate, what matters is emotional skills and the ability to spark romantic or sexual chemistry. These qualities are supposed to put men and women on the path to what they see as the primary goods of marriage: intimacy, self-expression, and self-fulfillment.

The problem, of course, is that very few couples can maintain this romantic high. Men and women who buy into the soulmate model appear more likely to end up divorced. This was apparent in a survey which asked 918 husbands and wives aged 18 to 50 to describe their approach to marriage and family life. They had to pick whether they saw marriage through the soulmate lens—as “mostly about an intense, emotional/romantic connection”—or through the lens of family—viewing marriage as “about romance but also about kids, money, [and] raising a family together.”

The survey found that husbands and wives who took the soulmate view were markedly more likely to report doubts about the future of their marriage, compared to those who took a family-first view, even after controlling for factors like education, race, gender, and the presence of children.

Likewise, a poll of 2,000 husbands and wives across the U.S., found that those who followed the soulmate model were about twice as likely to report that they were divorcing or were likely to divorce soon, compared to those following the family-first model.

A dramatic change from the trend seen in previous years was marked by the unexpected increase in marriages that the COVID-19 lockdowns brought about. Marital records from 2022 show a significant increase, with the marriage rate reaching 6.2 per capita and over two million marriages in a year.

Marissa Nelson, a registered marriage and family therapist, believes that lockdowns forced couples to face difficulties head-on, resulting in increased intentionality in relationships. She writes, “Being in lockdown together gave many couples a unique hurdle to overcome,” resulting in a better knowledge of critical factors such as finances, compromise, and autonomy.

Divorce rates continued their downward trend from the previous years, even though they had been expected to increase in 2022. While the rate was slightly higher than the previous year at 2.4 per 1,000 individuals, it is still dramatically declining from the 2000 figure of 4 per 1,000.

The hurdles created by lockdowns forced couples to confront underlying concerns, potentially laying the groundwork for stronger relationships. Nelson highlights that being confined together forced couples to tackle relationship issues, which boosted resilience and stability for the future.

Ian Kerner, a registered marriage and family therapist, has noticed a movement in marital paradigms, from “romantic” to “companionate” relationships. Individuals are increasingly prioritizing attributes similar to those seen in best friends, preferring long-term stability and fulfillment to brief excitement.

After the pandemic, marital dynamic changes reflect ideas on commitment, stability, and partnership. While issues remain, trends indicate a greater emphasis on deliberate relationships and long-term compatibility.

Possible Preaching Angle:

There are some good lessons here for couples in the church who are having marital issues and doubts. Don’t give up on your marriage. Investing the time to discuss your issues, perhaps with a counselor involved, can often bring hope and healing to a relationship.

Twenty-year-old Henry Earls dresses up to go to the library. He picks out cozy knitted sweaters and accessorizes with well-worn copies of classic books. Earls looks like an adjunct English professor. He said, “I want to cultivate an aesthetic when I go to the library. And, honestly, I dress up to see if someone will come up to me and say hi.”

Gen Z seems to love public libraries. A report from the American Library Association found that Gen Z and Millennials are using public libraries at higher rates than older generations. More than half of the survey’s 2,075 respondents had visited a physical library within the past 12 months. Not all of them were bookworms. Almost half don’t identify as readers, but those non-readers still visited their local library in the past year.

Libraries have never been just about books. These are community hubs, places to connect and discover. For an extremely online generation that’s nearly synonymous with the so-called “loneliness epidemic,” libraries are increasingly social spaces, too.

“Coffee shops get so crowded, and you have to spend money to be there, but libraries are open for everyone,” said Anika Neumeyer, a 19-year-old student. “There’s a lot less pressure to be doing something in the public library. No one’s going to judge you.”

Fifteen-year-old Arlo Platt Zolov says, “A lot of people my age are surrounded by tech and everything’s moving so quickly. Part of me thinks we’re rediscovering libraries not as something new, but for what they’ve always been: a shared space of comfort.”

Possible Preaching Angle:

Fellowship; Small groups – This is a golden opportunity for the small groups in the church to provide the fellowship and gathering opportunities that so many are missing. Small groups meeting in homes, perhaps with a meal, can be very attractive to disconnected young people.

A California startup claims it has a solution to loneliness. Groundfloor, which began in the Bay Area and will soon open a location in Los Angeles, is a social club with a focus on friendship.

Groundfloor co-founder Jermaine Ijieh says the club provides space for work (meeting rooms and phone booths), wellness (classes, gym space, and meditation circles), and socializing. There are karaoke nights, member-led special interest groups and craft workshops. It’s not aiming to compete with WeWork or elite social clubs, Ijieh says. Instead, he likens it to “an after-school club for kids,” but designed primarily for adults over 30.

“There’s always been an issue once you start to hit this age range,” he says. “We start to lose institutions where we used to build communities, such as places of worship, colleges, offices, schools … Once you leave your 20s, it sort of feels like a social purgatory.”

The pitch is working: Groundfloor’s new location in Los Angeles already has 2,000 would-be members on its waitlist. Perhaps that speaks to the isolation of a city of endless traffic, few pedestrians, and its own scientific scale for loneliness. But the club also has three locations in the San Francisco Bay Area that almost 1,000 people have joined. Those numbers underline the reality of the loneliness crisis, especially when you factor in the club’s price tag: $200 a month.

How many people do you know? You’ve probably never counted. Well, now you don’t have to. Tyler McCormick has worked it out: around 600.

Or more precisely 611, according to estimates by McCormick, a professor in the statistics and sociology departments at the University of Washington. That’s a national average, but McCormick can actually compute an estimate for you, or anyone.

Asked how many close friends they have, about half of Americans say three or fewer, according to a 2021 survey. The British anthropologist Robin Dunbar, drawing on studies of the brain sizes of humans and other primates, estimates a person can only maintain about 150 relationships. The so-called “Dunbar number,” he has said, “applies to quality relationships, not to acquaintances.” A Pew Research study found adults on Facebook had an average of 338 friends on the site.

The number of people you know, without considering them friends, is probably much larger. McCormick’s definition: “that you know them and they know you by sight or by name, that you could contact them, that they live within the United States, and that there has been some contact” in the past two years.

Possible Preaching Angles:

(1) As a negative illustration, this could show our need to develop deeper, more intimate friendships in the body of Christ. (2) As a positive illustration, this could reveal that our support system may be stronger and broader than we realize, especially in the church.

Why are so many young men so angry online?

Men are trailing women in college and in the workplace, fewer of their relationships are leading to marriage, and many men feel masculinity is under attack. When young men turn to places like YouTube and X (formerly Twitter) seeking male solidarity, they often find more rage. “It may look like we have an epidemic of male anger, but under the anger is loneliness and sadness,” says Justin Baldoni, a filmmaker and actor behind Man Enough, a podcast about masculinity.

Often the result is depression, and sometimes worse. The suicide rate among men is about four times higher than that of women, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.

Approximately 65% of men in the US say they’re hesitant to seek professional help for stress, anxiety, or depression, according to a study this month from Cleveland Clinic. And the respondents who expressed such reluctance were twice as likely as other men to spend several hours a day on social media.

The number of people who live alone—more than a quarter of all Americans—is on the rise in the US, according to 2020 census data. Single-person households accounted for nearly 28% of all US homes, according to the data. Married couples still accounted for most household types (46%) in America, but that share has steadily declined over the past several decades, the census survey found. In 1990, 55% of all households were made up of married couples.

However, the number of people living alone or with non-related roommates increased at a higher rate than typical family homes—a rise of 12% compared to just 7%. The number of women living in a home with no spouse or partner was significantly greater than the number of men living in a home without a spouse or partner with 35 million to 24 million.

The 2020 census also collected data on the different shares of opposite-sex partners and of same-sex partners for the first time. According to the results, married same-sex couples accounted for 0.5% of all US households and unmarried same-sex couples accounted for nearly 0.4%. The states with higher concentrations of same-sex couples were primarily located along the west coast and in the Northeast. The census doesn’t include information about single queer people or transgender people.

Hosting friends and family from out of town always sounds good in theory, but it doesn’t come without its challenges. Two-thirds of Americans have told a guest to “make themselves at home” and regretted it later. That’s according to a new survey of 2,000 Americans, which found 72 percent have told a guest to make the space their own—and 91% of those have regretted it afterward.

Some of the reasons respondents have regretted allowing people to make themselves at home include guests expecting more meals than planned (54%), overstaying their welcome (45%), and making a mess (39%).

Results also looked to see who makes the worst guests, with friends (42%), siblings (39%), and in-laws (37%) topping the list. For a third of respondents (35%), the situation has become unpleasant enough that they’ve told someone they’re a “bad guest.”

On the flip side, 75% of Americans surveyed believe they’re a good host—with 31% of those saying they’re a “very good” host.

The survey also looked at the lengths that hosts go to, and the steps people can take to ensure their home is inviting. In order to be a good host, over four in 10 have purchased a new bed or new mattress for people to sleep on when they stay the night (49%) or purchased new furniture to ensure guests are comfortable (45%).

According to a new study, the secret to a longer, happier marriage may lie in couples consolidating their finances. Researchers found that married couples with joint bank accounts argued less about money, felt more confident about household financial management, and reported better overall relationship satisfaction. Couples sharing resources also felt more unified and committed to shared goals.

Researchers from Indiana University’s Kelley School of Business reported:

When we surveyed people of varying relationship lengths, those who had merged accounts reported higher levels of communality within their marriage compared to people with separate accounts, or even those who partially merged their finances. Considering the significant shifts we observed over two years, this is compelling evidence for the benefits of merging finances. It certainly warrants a discussion with your partner.

At the start of the study, everyone maintained separate bank accounts and agreed to consider changing their financial arrangements. This was the first marriage for all participants. Some couples were randomly instructed to keep their separate bank accounts, while others were advised to open a joint bank account. A third group was given the freedom to decide for themselves.

After two years, couples who were instructed to open joint bank accounts reported significantly higher relationship quality than those who kept separate accounts. The researchers believe that merging finances encourages greater alignment with financial goals, increased transparency, and a shared understanding of marital responsibilities.

What if we could study people from the time that they were teenagers all the way into old age to see what really matters to a person’s health and happiness? For 85 years (and counting), the Harvard Study of Adult Development has tracked about 2,000 men and women for three generations, asking thousands of questions and taking hundreds of measurements to find out what really keeps people healthy and happy.

Through all the years of studying these lives, one crucial factor stands out for the consistency and power of its ties to physical health, mental health, and longevity. It isn’t career achievement, or exercise, or a healthy diet. These things matter, but one thing continuously demonstrates its broad and enduring importance: good relationships

In fact, close personal connections are significant enough that if we had to take all 85 years of the Harvard Study and boil it down to a single principle for living, one life investment that is supported by similar findings across a variety of other studies, it would be this: Good relationships keep us healthier and happier. Period. If you want to make one decision to ensure your own health and happiness, it should be to cultivate warm relationships of all kinds.

The COVID-19 pandemic wreaked havoc on our social lives. Time spent with friends went down. Time spent alone went up. According to the Census Bureau’s American Time Use Survey, the amount of time the average American spent with friends was stable, at 6.5 hours per week, between 2010 and 2013. Then, in 2014, time spent with friends began to decline. By 2019, the average American was spending only four hours per week with friends (a sharp, 37 percent decline from five years before). Social media, political polarization, and new technologies all played a role in the drop.

COVID then deepened this trend. In 2021, the average American spent only two hours and 45 minutes a week with close friends (a 58 percent decline relative to 2010-2013).

Similar declines can be seen even when the definition of “friends” is expanded to include neighbors, co-workers, and clients. The average American spent 15 hours per week with this broader group of friends a decade ago, 12 hours per week in 2019 and only 10 hours a week in 2021. On average, Americans did not transfer that lost time to spouses, partners, or children. Instead, they chose to be alone.

Everyone knows your family can be a pain in the neck sometimes, but regular family dinners can be the key to reduced stress levels in the household. This was found in a survey by the American Heart Association (AHA), who research chronic stress which can increase rates for all manner of heart diseases.

Of the 1,000 U.S. adults surveyed in September 2022, 91% of respondents said their family was less stressed when they share meals together. 84% say they wish they could share a meal more often with loved ones.

Dr. Erin Michos said, “Sharing meals with others is a great way to reduces stress, boost self-esteem, and improve social connection, particularly for kids. Chronic, constant stress can also increase your lifetime risk of heart disease and stroke. So, it is important for people to find ways to reduce and manage stress as much as possible, as soon as possible.”

Connecting with friends, family, coworkers and neighbors benefits people beyond stress relief. In fact, the survey found a majority of people say sharing a meal reminds them of the importance of connecting with other people, and say it reminds them to slow down and take a break.

Those surveyed say they are more likely (59%) to make healthier food choices when eating with other people but have difficulty aligning schedules with their friends or family to do so. Overall, respondents reported eating alone about half of the time.

Dr. Michos said, “It’s not always as easy as it sounds to get people together at mealtime. Like other healthy habits, give yourself permission to start small and build from there.”

Possible Preaching Angle:

Eating together as a family takes sacrifice and planning. Start from an early age with your children (but it’s never too late). Turn off the TV and cell phones. Plan for some conversation and allow even the youngest to contribute.

We all know trying to get close to people is difficult. We can get hurt. Sometimes it’s tempting to just withdraw. But that can create even worse problems. That’s what Christopher Knight found out.

Back in 1990 at the age of 20, he walked into rural Maine with only the most basic supplies. He had no plan. His chief motivation was to avoid contact with people. He finally emerged in 2017, 27 years later. He had been arrested for stealing from cabins where he was living. In an interview about his decades-long solitary experience, he said:

It’s complicated … Solitude bestows an increase in something valuable. I can’t dismiss that idea. Solitude increased my perception. But here’s the tricky thing: when I applied my increased perception to myself, I lost my identity. There was no audience, no one to perform for. There was no need to find myself. I became irrelevant.

In William Shatner’s new book, Boldly Go: Reflections on a Life of Awe and Wonder, the Star Trek actor reflects on his voyage into space on Jeff Bezos’ Blue Origin space shuttle on Oct. 13, 2021. Then 90 years old, Shatner became the oldest living person to travel into space, but as the actor and author details below, he was surprised by his own reaction to the experience. He wrote:

My trip to space was supposed to be a celebration; instead, it felt like a funeral. It was among the strongest feelings of grief I have ever encountered. The contrast between the vicious coldness of space and the warm nurturing of Earth below filled me with overwhelming sadness.

Everything I had thought was wrong. Everything I had expected to see was wrong. I had a different experience, because I discovered that the beauty isn't out there, it's down here, with all of us. Leaving that behind made my connection to our tiny planet even more profound.