Entitlement

In an issue of CT magazine, author Jen Wilkin writes:

Individualism says that I should do what’s best for me regardless of what’s best for others. Instant gratification assures me that waiting is an enemy to eliminate. At every turn, I am told that I can and should have what I want when I want it.

Earlier this year, my husband and I spent two weeks with an apparent narcissist named Charlotte. From the moment we stepped into her space, it was all about her. She demanded our full attention day and night. Forget rational arguments or the needs of others; it was The Charlotte Show 24/7. She thought only of herself and demanded loudly and often that her needs be met. Our schedules bowed to her every whim. She uttered not a word of gratitude during the entire 14 days.

And we didn’t mind one bit. Because all 7 pounds and 15 ounces of her was doing exactly what she should. Our newest grandchild’s age-appropriate focus is to declare, Me, right now! Any time she is tired, hungry, or needs a clean diaper. Babies self-advocate as a survival instinct. They understand only the immediate need.

But what is appropriate in an infant is appalling in an adult. In its obsession with “me, right now,” our culture doesn’t just worship youthfulness; it worships childishness, legitimizing it into adulthood. An adult who demands what he wants when he wants it is a costly presence in any community, prioritizing his own needs above those of others and of the group. He has not learned to “put away childish things,” as the Bible says (1 Cor. 13:11, KJV); he has managed to grow physically from a baby to an adult without shedding the childish mantra of “me, right now.”

Possible Preaching Angle:

As parents, our first challenge is to meet the needs of babies crying out, “Me, right now.” But our greater task over the years is to train our children to mature and outgrow their entitlement, to resist the narcissistic norms of our age. It is our job as Christian parents to move our children from the immaturity of individualism and instant gratification to the maturity of sacrificial service and delayed gratification.

Clinical psychologist Jenny Taitz writes, “I see so many clients who don’t have the ability to wait, and it is no wonder. In a world where it is possible to get the answer to any question instantly with Google and to order coffee for immediate pickup on an app, why should any of us have to deal with delays and unknowns?”

Unfortunately, for many of us, the challenge is that being patient now feels harder than ever before. A 2023 study involving more than 28,000 adults and adolescents found that the average person’s mood got steadily worse every minute they sat doing nothing. Waiting patiently is so difficult that we often react by doing things that actually make us more impatient, like constantly checking our phones for updates or seeking reassurance from everyone we know.

Michael Dugas, another psychologist in the same article notes, “Technology creates the illusion that certainty is possible, which leads to trying to attain certainty in all situations, contributing to worry and anxiety.” When a loved one doesn’t pick up the phone, we track their location instead of waiting for them to call back. When an email doesn’t get a prompt response, we can find out precisely when it was opened. Such behavior only adds to our worry and anxiety.

In the 1980s, a research facility called Biosphere 2 built a closed ecosystem to test what it would take to eventually colonize space. Everything was carefully curated and provided for and trees planted inside sprung up and appeared to thrive. Then they began to fall.

The botanists must have looked on in dismay, finding no evidence of disease or mite or weevil. There was nothing to cause the trees to topple; the conditions were perfect. And then they realized what was missing—something so simple, yet absent within the confines of the structure: wind.

The air was too still, too serene—an ease that guaranteed the trees were doomed. It’s the pressure and variation of natural wind that causes the trees to strengthen and their roots to grow. Though the trees of Biosphere 2 had all the sun, soil, and water they needed, in the absence of changing winds they built no resilience, and eventually fell under the weight of their own abundance.

Possible Preaching Angle:

Lent helps us see the trials of life in a new way. Could it be that our difficulties, more than our delights, are what drive us closer to God? Though we may still have a strong aversion to pain, we can see the hand of God when the winds of trial come to buffet, and we can take solace in the fact that our roots are growing deeper. Romans 5:3–5 encourages us: “We also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope….”

In her book, The Toxic War on Masculinity, author Nancy Percy writes that research has found that evangelical protestant men who attend church regularly are the least likely of any group in America to commit domestic violence.

But nominal Christian family men do fit the negative stereotypes of bad husbands … shockingly so. They spend less time with their children. Their wives report significantly lower levels of happiness, and their marriages are less stable. Whereas active evangelical men are 35% less likely to divorce than secular men, nominal Christian men are 20% more likely to divorce than secular men.

Finally, the real stunner: whereas committed church-going couples report the lowest rate of violence of any group (2.8 percent), nominal husbands report the highest rate of any group (7.2 percent)—even higher than secular couples. Sociologist Brad Wilcox, one of the nation’s top experts on marriage, writes, “The most violent husbands in America are nominal, evangelical protestants who attend church infrequently or not at all.”

Percy summarizes: “It seems that many nominal men hang around the fringes of the Christian world just enough to hear the language of headship and submission, but not enough to learn the biblical meaning of those terms—like skimming the news headlines without reading the actual stories. They cherry pick verses from the Bible and read them through a grid of male superiority and entitlement.”

Gospel singer Bobbi Storm would seem to be aptly named, for her latest actions created a firestorm of controversy, testing the axiom that there’s no such thing as bad publicity. In Storm’s case, she might wish she had done things differently.

Storm is part of the Grammy-nominated praise-and-worship group Maverick City Music, which was recently nominated for two Grammy awards. In her excitement over the nominations, Storm stood up during the middle of a recent flight on Delta Airlines in order to make an unsolicited performance for the people in the cabin.

In a video posted to her Instagram Live account, Storm is heard saying, “I sing for the Lord … I'm doing what the Lord is telling me to do.” After a flight attendant insisted she sit down, she sang a portion of her new song, “We Can’t Forget Him,” at a lower volume, while seated.

Since it went public on Instagram, the video garnered a variety of comments, many of them negative. Storms actions were deemed by commenters as “wildly out of pocket,” and “one of the most egotistical things I’ve ever seen.”

One user summarized the criticism by saying: "Imagine the entitlement of thinking you are the only one with something that can bless folks and it happens to be in an airplane where they have no choice but to hear you because they can’t go anywhere?!?”

Possible Preaching Angle:

While it's important to be bold in our faith, that boldness should be clothed in humility and kindness, truly seeking the best for those around us.

Pets these days are living more luxurious lives than ever as humans increasingly pour money into making their properties fetching for nonhuman family members. For instance, Robbie Timmers went all-out adding a contemporary-style house on his property in Thailand. White with chic black trim, the two-story, air-conditioned abode has security cameras, smart lighting, and a sliding door to the porch. Mr. Timmers would have added a swimming pool, too, but his wife objected. Her reasoning? It seemed unnecessary for the home’s intended occupants: the couple’s five dogs.

Mr. Timmers love his dogs’ house, but he adds, “I have to be honest, my dogs never set foot in the house,” says Mr. Timmers, who spent about $10,000 on it. The mini-house mostly sits empty. “It has everything,” he adds. “Just no dogs.”

Then there’s Doug the Pug, a lovable pooch whose penchant for wearing elaborate costumes has earned him over one billion viewers across social-media platforms. At the Nashville, Tennessee home Doug shares with his owners, the pug has his own 15-foot closet for his outfits, including tiny cowboy hats, cashmere sweaters, a rainbow of sunglasses, custom harnesses from London, and a Boda Skins leather jacket.

Among other perks, Doug also only drinks purified water at home and routinely sees a canine herbalist and acupuncturist.

Possible Preaching Angles:

This is extreme, but are we excessively spending on the things that don’t ultimately matter?

Author and blogger Chris Winfield shares his thoughts on gratitude:

“Why did this have to happen to me?” It didn’t matter if it was something big (my dog gets cancer, good friend dies) or something little (flight is delayed, spilled something on my shirt). I was in a constant state of “poor me.” This all started to change once I began writing a gratitude list every single day for the past 34+ months and it has changed my life profoundly. Here are the 4 most important things I’ve learned on my gratitude journey:

1. It’s Hard at First: My mentor told me to text him three things that I am grateful for every day. Sounds pretty easy right? Well, it wasn’t. When you’ve lived most of your life not focusing on gratitude, it’s not so simple to change that.

2. There Is Always Something to Be Grateful For: No matter what was going on in my life (business problems, I was sick, someone cut me off in traffic) there was always something that I could find to be grateful for (my health, my daughter’s smile, etc.).

3. Gratitude Grows the More You Use It: My gratitude lists started off very basic and I struggled to find things to be grateful for (especially on the really tough days). But once I consistently took action, it became easier and easier.

4. It Can Help Stop Negative Thought Patterns: According to the Laboratory of Neuro Imaging, the average person has about 70,000 thoughts each day! There’s one big problem with this — the vast majority of these thoughts are negative. Gratitude can work to stop these negative thought patterns by replacing it with something positive.

Robert Samuel is a 46-year-old former mobile phone salesman who now gets paid to sit in line for others. If a client wants something but can’t stomach a long queue, they pay him thousands of dollars to do it for them. Samuel sits, standing, or sometimes sleeps, in lines: waiting for theater tickets, iPhone releases, limited edition hoodies, and more before either relinquishing his place to his customer or buying them tickets. This has been his work for nine years and before the pandemic, he was earning over $86,000 a year. The toughest gig was Hamilton where the inside of his tent frosted over.

He said, “You can get people to literally do everything for you. They can watch your kids, they can watch your pets. They can clean your home. They can pick you up from A to B, or bring you your food. So, this is just an extension of that. You can get people to do just about anything, within reason, as long as it’s legal and you want to pay.”

Many Americans struggle with clutter. This is one reason for the popularity of the simplicity movement. And it’s why books like Marie Kondo’s, The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up, become popular bestsellers.

Researchers from UCLA visited the homes of 32 typical American families. They wanted to look at how people interacted with their environments, at how they used space. They went through each room, closet, and shelf in the home and systematically documented the stuff people own.

Researcher Jeanne Arnold said, “Contemporary US households have more possessions per household than any society in global history.” Her colleague Anthony Graesch notes that our homes reflect this material abundance. “Hyper-consumerism is evident in many spaces, like garages, corners of home offices, and even sometimes in the corners of living rooms and bedrooms.”

The researchers continued, “We have lots of stuff. We have many (ways in) which we accumulate possessions in our home, but we have few processes for getting rid of them … The United States has 3.1% of the world’s children but consumes 40% of the world’s toys.” Children’s toys and objects spill out of their bedrooms into living areas, kitchens, and bathrooms. The push to become consumers, to value stuff, starts at an early age.

Why do modern kids have so many toys? It may be because there are so many playthings available, so cheaply. There’s more stuff available for kids than there was fifty years ago, and that stuff costs less. Plus, priorities seem to have shifted. Modern parents see spending on kids as a priority; parents fifty years ago did not.

You can watch the video here.

Possible Preaching Angle:

Is clutter a uniquely American problem? Probably not. But because of our sheer material abundance, more of us struggle with clutter than folks in other countries. But this is an area in which we can take charge of our lives. As we purge stuff from our lives, and take control of our spending, we can gain a sense of satisfaction and self-control.

A recent interview with actress Maria Fabriela de Faria, in Global Heroes from The Wall Street Journal, perfectly reveals our culture of self-centered individualism.

When asked, “What is one good choice that everyone can make to improve the world around them?” She answered, “Look for your own truth, LIVE your own truth instead of repeating anyone else’s.” She explained: “What’s crucial to me is to make my audience . . . [question] old beliefs.” She counsels her fans to engage in a daily practice of asking, “What do I need today?” because “the only person who will know what works for you, is you.”

John de Graaf and his co-authors report in their book, Affluenza: The All-Consuming Epidemic, that four million pounds of raw material, such as mined metals and oil, are necessary to provide for one average American family’s annual consumption. Americans spend more on trash bags in a year than 90 of the world’s 210 countries spend for everything.

Consumption is a major component of the gross domestic product. So, it seems undeniable that Americans, including Christians, will eventually have to learn to live with less. We will have to treat our gifts from God—whether natural resources or material well-being—with reverence rather than abandon.

In late 2000, Indra Nooyi was working late at PepsiCo. At around 9:30pm her office phone rang. On the other line was a member of the corporate board who informed her that she would be the next president of the company. Nooyi was one of the first women to break this level of the corporate glass ceiling.

Nooyi recounts what happened when she arrived home to share the big news of her promotion.

I went home to tell my family that I was going to be president of PepsiCo, and Mum opens the door. She was living with me at that time. I said, “Mum, I have got news for you,” and she said, “Before the news, go get some milk.” I said, “It’s ten o’clock in the night. Why should I get milk?”

You know you never question your mum. I went and got the milk, came back, sort of banged it on the countertop, and I said, “I had big news for you. I have just been appointed president of PepsiCo, and all that you care about is the milk.”

She just looked at me and she said, “What are you talking about? When you walk in that door, just leave that crown in the garage, because you are the wife, the daughter, the daughter-in-law, and the mother of the kids, and that’s all I want to talk about. Anything else, just leave it in the garage. Don’t even try this with me anymore.”

NBA Hall of Fame coach Pat Riley popularized the term the “Disease of More.” Riley has noted that many championship pro teams in the NFL, MLB, NBA, and NHL don’t repeat. The main factor is that the team is defeated from within, not from without.

The players want more. At first, that “more” was winning the championship. But once players have that championship, it’s no longer enough. The “more” becomes other things--more money, more TV commercials, more endorsements and accolades, more playing time, more plays called for them, more media attention, etc.

As a result, what was once a cohesive group of hardworking men begins to fray. Egos get involved. Gatorade bottles are thrown. And the mental attitude of the team changes and their perfect chemistry becomes a toxic mess. Players feel entitled to ignore the small, routine tasks that actually win championships, believing that they’ve earned the right to not do it anymore. Then what was the most talented team ends up failing.

What they didn’t realize is what they were trading off. They were no longer able to focus on the nitty-gritty of basketball. And as a team, they suffered. Ultimately they were dethroned, not by other, better teams, but by forces from within themselves.

In the late eighties and early nineties, there were several hundred studies about happiness published each year; by 2014, there were over 10,000 per year. It was an exciting shift for psychology, one that the public immediately responded to. Major media outlets clamored to cover the new research. Soon, entrepreneurs began monetizing it, founding start-ups and programming apps to help ordinary people implement the field's findings. They were followed by a deluge of celebrities, personal coaches, and motivational speakers, all eager to share the gospel of happiness. According to Psychology Today, in 2000, the number of books published about happiness was a modest fifty. In 2008, that number had skyrocketed to 4,000. Of course, people have always been interested in the pursuit of happiness, but all that attention has made an impact: since the mid-2000s, the interest in happiness, as measured by Google searches, has tripled. "The shortcut to anything you want in your life," writes author Rhonda Byrne in her bestselling 2006 book The Secret, "is to BE and FEEL happy now!"

And yet, there is a major problem with the happiness frenzy: it has failed to deliver on its promise. Though the happiness industry continues to grow, as a society, we're more miserable than ever. Indeed, social scientists have uncovered a sad irony—chasing happiness actually makes people unhappy.

Advances in mobile technology have drastically improved security on the smartphones most people carry these days. In fact, a majority of devices now have fingerprint sensors on them for enhanced security. However, these technologically superior methods failed to thwart a sly six-year-old girl this holiday season, when she used her sleeping mother's thumb to unlock her phone. When the mother checked her email later, she was greeted with 13 order confirmations for Pokémon items that had been ordered through the Amazon app. "$250 later, she has shopped for all her Christmas presents on Amazon," the bemused mother later posted online, also noting that the girl was "really proud of herself." There was no mention of whether the mischievous girl received any punishment this Christmas-or Pokémon toys.

Potential Preaching Angles: Potential Preaching Angles: (1) Consumerism—this little girl has been steeped in a culture that is very good at least one thing—teaching children how to shop. (2) Parenting—As parents we might be modeling more than we know—and it may not always be for the good.

In his article "The Structure of Gratitude," New York Times columnist David Brooks notes what he's learning about thankfulness:

I'm sometimes grumpier when I stay at a nice hotel. I have certain expectations about the service that's going to be provided. I get impatient if I have to crawl around looking for a power outlet, if the shower controls are unfathomable, if the place considers itself too fancy to put a coffee machine in each room. I'm sometimes happier at a budget motel, where my expectations are lower, and where a functioning iron is a bonus and the waffle maker in the breakfast area is a treat.

This little phenomenon shows how powerfully expectations structure our moods and emotions, none more so than the beautiful emotion of gratitude. Gratitude happens when some kindness exceeds expectations, when it is undeserved. Gratitude is a sort of laughter of the heart that comes about after some surprising kindness.

In a question and answer period after one of his lectures, C.S. Lewis was asked which of the world's religions gives its followers the greatest happiness. Lewis paused and said, "While it lasts, the religion of worshipping oneself is best."

Possible Preaching Angle: In other words, if you want instant, but very short-term happiness, create a religion that focuses on worshipping you.

In a study included in the Archives of Pediatrics & Adolescent Medicine children were shown to overwhelmingly prefer the taste of food that comes in McDonald's wrappers. The study had preschoolers sample identical foods in packaging from McDonald's and in matched, but unbranded, packaging. The kids were then asked if the food tasted the same or if one tasted better. The unmarked foods lost the taste test every time. Even apple juice, carrots, and milk tasted better to the kids when taken from the familiar wrappings of the Golden Arches. "This study demonstrates simply and elegantly that advertising literally brainwashes young children into a baseless preference for certain food products," said a physician from Yale's School of Medicine. "Children, it seems, literally do judge a food by its cover. And they prefer the cover they know."

These kids actually believed the chicken nugget they thought was from McDonald's tasted better than an identical nugget. From an early age and on through adulthood, branding is directive in telling us what we think and feel, who we are, what we love, what matters. In the same way, how often are we as adults blindsided by mere wrappings, the beliefs and values that mold us, the images and liturgies that shape our affections? Is the mistake of a child in believing the food tastes better in a yellow wrapper really any different than our own believing we are better people dressed with the right credentials, covered by the latest fashion, repeating the right belief-systems?

The animated movie Shrek gets so many things right about our lives. One such example is the pitiful little king of the land, Lord Farquaad. Farquaad is a single man. The one thing he feels is missing from his kingdom is the lovely princess Fiona, who has long been locked up in a castle far away, guarded by a deadly, fire-breathing dragon. There have been many failed attempts to rescue Fiona; many would-be rescuers have lost their lives.

Farquaad gathers his bravest knights together for a competition. The knights are placed inside an arena to duel against each other until only one of them is left standing. The prevailing knight will have the "honor" of going out on Lord Farquaad's behalf to rescue Fiona. Farquaad, himself a coward, offers the following "inspirational" speech to the knights before they turn against each other in the arena:

Brave knights, you are the best and brightest in all the land. Today one of you shall prove himself. That champion shall have the honor—no, no—the privilege to go forth and rescue the lovely Princess Fiona from the fiery keep of the dragon. If for any reason the winner is unsuccessful, the first runner-up will take his place and so on and so forth. Some of you will die, but it's a sacrifice I am willing to make.

Possible Preaching Angles: (1) Selfishness; Love—This illustration sets up a gently humorous way to talk about how all of us to one degree or another protect ourselves. (2) Husbands—Men and husbands are specifically called to lay down their lives for their wives. (3) Christ, death of—Jesus did the exact opposite of Lord Farquaad (and us!) by laying down his life for us even when we were unworthy.

Researcher Christian Smith's book, Soul Searching: The Religious and Spiritual Lives of American Teenagers, concludes that many young American adults have a faith characterized by "moralistic, therapeutic deism." According to this view of God, if we live good lives and if we're kind to others, then God will provide "therapeutic benefits" to us like self-esteem and happiness. Other than that, God is not involved much in our world.

This view of God has a profound effect on prayer. Smith found that American teens personally prayed frequently; 40 percent prayed daily or more, and only 15 percent said they never prayed. However, their motivation for prayer largely focused on meeting their own needs. Some of the teens interviewed said: "If I ever have a problem, I go pray." "It helps me deal with problems. … it calms me down for the most part." "Praying just makes me feel more secure, like there's something there helping me out." "I would say prayer is an essential part of my success."

But Smith also found that many young Americans' prayers lacked any sense of repentance or adoration. Smith writes, "This is not a religion of repentance from sin." Again, Smith concludes that this "distant God" is "not demanding … because his job is to solve problems and make people feel good. There is nothing here to evoke wonder and admiration."