Self-hatred

In his novel Remembering, Wendell Berry tells the story of a Kentucky farmer named Andy Catlett. One warm summer evening, Andy and a group of neighbors are helping a younger farmer bring in a harvest of corn. Andy himself mans the corn harvesting machine.

At one point, the machine jams up and ends up drawing Andy’s right hand into its gears. In the confusion of the moment, Andy describes how he felt that he also had given his right hand to the corn harvester. Later, his wife asks him “What have you done to yourself?” With deep shame he replied: “I’ve ruined my hand.” Andy feels defective, and pushes away the very people that could help him heal and rebuild his life.

Andy Catlett eventually shared the shame of his hand injury with his fellow farmer Danny Branch. Berry's novel describes their relationship: “They learned how to work together, the one-handed old man and the two-handed. They know as one what the next move needs to be. They are not swift, but they don’t fumble. 'Between us,' says Danny Branch, 'we’ve got three hands. Everybody needs at least three. Nobody ever needed more.'"

Possible Preaching Angle:

In one way or another, many of us can relate with Andy’s battle with shame. We have our own version of the phrase “I’ve ruined my hand,” our own way of feeling defective, and our own community to hide from.

Genesis 3 tells us that Adam and Eve, after eating the forbidden fruit, “knew that they were naked.” As a result, they hid behind fig leaves to avoid the God who could heal them. But in his grace, God calls them out from their hiding, covers their shame with custom-made clothes, and restores them to community.

In Christ, our shame can be covered by Christ’s glory. We no longer need to keep up appearances, and therefore, no longer need to hide from our community. In fact, our vulnerability becomes a blessing to others.

The average woman in America sees about 3,000 ads each day—many of which send messages about what the "ideal" female body should look like. But 98 percent of American women are not as thin as the fashion models who supposedly have the right body type. The average American woman is 5'4" and weighs 165 pounds. The average Miss America winner is 5'7" and weighs 121 pounds.

It's not surprising, then, that 42 percent of 1st-3rd grade girls want to be thinner. 81 percent of 10-year-old girls are afraid of being fat. 70 percent of 18-30-year-old American women don't like their bodies, and 60 percent of women in middle age still remain unsatisfied with their bodies. 50 percent of girls use unhealthy weight control behaviors, such as skipping meals, vomiting, and taking laxatives. Nearly 20 million women will suffer from an eating disorder at some point in their lives.

The Kenyan actress, Lupita Nyong'o, who received the 2014 Academy Award for Best Supporting Actress for her role in 12 Years as a Slave, offered this moving reflection on the nature of true beauty:

I remember a time when I too felt unbeautiful. I put on the TV and only saw pale skin. I got teased and taunted about my night-shaded skin. And my one prayer to God, the miracle worker, was that I would wake up lighter-skinned … [But] every day I experienced the same disappointment of being just as dark as I had been the day before. I tried to negotiate with God: I told him I would stop stealing sugar cubes at night if he gave me what I wanted; I would listen to my mother's every word and never lose my school sweater again if he just made me a little lighter. But I guess God was unimpressed with my bargaining chips because He never listened.

And when I was a teenager my self-hate grew worse … My mother reminded me often that she thought that I was beautiful but that was no consolation: She's my mother, of course she's supposed to think I am beautiful … And my mother again would say to me, "You can't eat beauty. It doesn't feed you." And these words plagued and bothered me … until finally I realized that beauty was not a thing that I could acquire or consume, it was something that I just had to be … And what my mother meant when she said you can't eat beauty was that you can't rely on how you look to sustain you.

In an interview with Rolling Stone magazine Johnny Depp admitted his difficulties in connecting with other people. Depp said:

Covering myself up in makeup, it's easier to look at someone else. It's easier to look at someone else's face than your own. I think for everyone. You wake up in the morning, and you brush your teeth, and you're like, "Ugh, that [idiot] again. You're still here? What do you want?" Hiding: I think it's important. It's important for your—for what's ever left of your sanity, I guess.

Matt Chandler tells the following story about what happened after speaking at a conference near his hometown:

When I was done preaching, I decided to hop in my car, drive twenty minutes to the town in which I grew up, and look at the houses that I remembered from back then. As I drove into town, I passed a field where I once got into a fistfight with a kid named Sean. It was not a fair fight, and I did some shady, dark things in that fight. I completely humiliated him in front of a large crowd of people …. Then I drove past my first house, and I thought of all the wicked things I had done in that house. I passed a friend's house where once, at a party, I did some of the most shameful, horrific things that I have ever done.

Afterward, on the drive back to the conference, I was overwhelmed with the guilt and shame of the wickedness that I had done in that city prior to knowing Jesus Christ …. I could hear the whispers in my heart: "You call yourself a man of God? Are you going to stand in front of these guys and tell them to be men of God? After all you've done?"

In the middle of all that guilt and shame, I began to be reminded by the Scriptures that the old Matt Chandler is dead. The Matt Chandler who did those things, the Matt Chandler who sinned in those ways, was nailed to that cross with Jesus Christ, and all of his sins—past, present, and future—were paid for in full on the cross of Jesus Christ. I have been sanctified "once and for all" …. He remembers my sins no more …. And I no longer need to feel shame for those things, because those things have been completely atoned for.

Author Diana Spechler launched a website that gives people the chance to anonymously confess their true feelings about their bodies. So far, thousands of people (mostly women) from all over the world have responded. The following quotes represent some of the posts that have received the most "been there" clicks:

• I hate everything about my body and often feel guilty because I should be thankful I even have a [healthy] body …. I have no missing limbs, no diseases, no Actual faults. I'm tired and exhausted of hating my blessed body!
• I constantly compare myself to other women.
• I eat when I'm depressed, and then I get more depressed.
• Sometimes when I see a woman fatter than me, I'm glad she's making me look better.
• I want to lock myself up until I'm thin again.
• I constantly compare myself to other women. Weight, skin, hair, clothes. More often than not, I find myself lacking in most areas.
• I continually base my worth on what other people look like …. I don't know how to feel comfortable in my own skin.
• I love food for how it makes me feel. I hate food for how it makes me feel.
• I am incredibly jealous of all those people who eat whatever they want and never gain a pound.
• I just want to look in the mirror and feel happy.