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"Free creativeness is the creature's answer to the great call of its Creator. Man's creative work is the fulfillment of the Creator's secret will."
Nikolai Berdyaev, The Destiny of Man

A Wednesday-night class at church about Hollywood movies was too intriguing to pass up. Settling into the same seat where on Sunday I studied how Acts reiterated Jesus' resurrection, I now readied to critique The Shawshank Redemption. What an odd confluence of worlds. After all, these were church friends, people with whom my husband and I had attended Bible studies, fellowship dinners, and prayer meetings. Whenever the topic of movies, television, or current books came up among Christian friends, awkward silences often fell over some corner of the room.

This night the awkwardness fell right into my lap. The instructor began with a casual reference to the recent comedy hit There's Something About Mary. I leaned to my right, preparing to confess to a friend, someone who knew the Bible very well, that we had rented that movie but turned it off when its raunchiness went over the top. But before I could say anything, he whispered to me, "That was the funniest movie I've ever seen." I just nodded. As cool as I try to be, I thought this, of all movies, should repulse any Christian.

Later in the class, the teacher used Chariots of Fire as a prime example of a "breakthrough" film. It ranks among our all-time favorites. We named our second child, Eric, in part after the lead character. So when a woman, a frequent worship leader, tapped my arm and with a little shrug of her shoulder whispered, "I just never got what people saw in that movie," I could not muster any response. But inside I was shrieking, Didn't get it? How could anyone, especially a Christian, not get it?

In just 20 minutes, I got two reminders that a common faith in no way implies a common aesthetic. But even though belief in Christ does not come with an approved reading list, a PG rating, or a highlighted TV Guide, it certainly appears to. The adjective Christian is bandied about so often, describing everything from financial strategies to education to the arts and even political lobbies, that it seems a line has been drawn in the cultural sand. And it is a very straight line indeed.

I suppose each person makes such cultural choices in private, according to conscience. But the issue is complicated for those, like me, who want to express themselves creatively in a public way. The age-old dilemma between our relationship with God and our relationship to the times in which we live has hit home.

Part of the blame must be placed on the aggressive marketing and proliferation of a Christian subculture which, despite some good, has erected a higher wall between Christ and modern culture. I am realizing that this arrangement has distorted and inhibited my creative urges and given me a bit of an identity crisis.

Over the years, the more I heard something described as "Christian" the more schizophrenic my inner life became. I have long been active in Christian fellowship but did not always agree with "Christian" tastes or opinions. Then in nonreligious circles, I often shared cultural tastes but was hesitant, or even ashamed, to mention my faith. I tried to face that shame, first with God, then by determining its origin. Searching for resolution, I looked up Christian in a concordance and was astounded that it is only mentioned four times. In each case it is a noun, a person. It is never an adjective. The use of Christian to modify a noun is supposed to summon some descriptive image. It will distinguish what we are describing from other categories, such as bohemian or Elizabethan or classic. The adjective Christian is highly subjective.

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December 4 2000, Vol. 44, No. 14